You'll Find Me There
by MaxiP99
Summary: This is a story that I have started writing as a catharsis to the unrelenting grief I continue to feel over Sharon Raydor'sdeath. It's a story about finding peace in the midst of grief. Andy decides to take the honeymoon trip to Ireland solo, to "see Ireland for her."
1. Chapter 1

**_You'll Find Me There_**

 ** _Chapter 1_**

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _These are not my characters they are fully James Duffs. I just love them so much and love to play with them._

 **Warning: talk of character death**

* * *

Rusty walked into the condo, after a long session in court and dinner at his favorite burger place with Andrea. She had offered to buy dinner for him as a reward for being such a great assistant and helping her with the case she was trying. She hadn't been completely on her game since Sharon died, but Rusty had kept her focused and organized so that she didn't make any mistakes and she was able to win the case for the prosecution. As he placed his keys in the bowl in the foyer the sound of the keys clanking reverberated in the otherwise eerily almost silent condo.

He couldn't believe how quiet it was, how empty it felt without Sharon there. It had been three weeks since her death and the pain of his grief was still as fresh as it had been on that day. As he walked past hers and Andy's bedroom he heard soft sounds coming from inside the room. The door was slightly ajar and he saw Andy standing next to the bed, packing a suitcase, a very large suitcase. He wore the purple sweater that Sharon had given him for his birthday last September, a pair of black jeans, and tennis shoes. Rusty knocked.

Andy jumped ever so slightly, his head whipping around and his body turned toward the door. Seeing it was Rusty he gestured for him to come in. "Hey, Kid, you startled me."

"Sorry, um… Andy, are you going somewhere?" Rusty asked, indicating the half-packed suitcase on the bed.

Andy looked down at the suitcase and back up at Rusty. "Yeah, I guess I am. I uh need a… change of scenery, Kid. You know?" he looked around the room.

"I see your mother wherever I look and…" he swallowed, the lump in his throat, his eyes becoming glassy with unshed tears. "I… I've decided to go on that trip your mother and I were planning for our honeymoon, to... Ireland. I feel I owe it to her to see it for the both of us."

Rusty looked around the room and noticed things. First of all, the suitcase was huge. It had not only a great many clothes but his mother's pillow, blanket, and pictures. It looked like Andy wasn't just going on a trip but moving away. "But, Andy, its just a trip, right? You're not moving there?" Rusty asked a little panicked at the thought of Andy leaving. Rusty was an adult and very self-sufficient, but he felt bereft at the idea of Andy moving away, especially across the ocean so far away, so soon after losing Sharon. Andy was the father he had not had when he was growing up. He was also a connection to Sharon, that he, Rusty didn't want to lose. Tears pricked his eyes, he fought them back.

Andy saw the tears Rusty was holding back and was surprised. He hadn't thought Rusty would have cared as much as that. "Well, no actually, Rusty, I hadn't planned on moving there but I do plan on taking my time coming back."

"You promised Sharon you'd stick around and watch out for us. Me, Emily, and Ricky!"

"Yes, I did, and I meant it when I said I would but Rusty, you're okay now. Stroh is dead and you're not in danger anymore. Emily and Ricky are on their own already, have been for quite some time and I'm just a phone call away from any of you. If you need me, I'll drop everything and come back. I promise but look, you're on the track to become a lawyer and you've got a great mentor in Andrea. You and Gus are back together, you'll be… fine." Andy's throat almost closed over the word fine. The word fine had brought back the memory of Sharon saying " fine" when he asked her out on their first official date. It was a wonderful, yet in the light of her recent death a heartbreaking memory.

"Yeah but, that doesn't mean I don't still need you in my life, Andy, we're family. We worked so hard, been through so much, to get here and now you're leaving? Rusty said, still blinking back tears. He hated crying but since his mother's death, the floodgates were opened, and he couldn't seem to close them.

Andy put his hand on Rusty's shoulder and squeezed. "Yes, we are. We are family. I love you, Kid, like I do my own biological kids. You are a son to be proud of and you can believe me when I tell you that Sharon was very proud of you! Do you remember how happy she was when you showed her your college diploma? I am proud of you too. Okay?"

"I… love you too, Andy. Um, you're like a father to me. That's why… I'm having such a hard time with this. H… how long… will you be gone?"

"I'm not real sure, Rusty but my ticket is open-ended, so I can stay for awhile. Maybe a couple of months? I plan on taking my time, exploring and seeing Ireland for your Mom, and trying to heal from… from losing her." As he spoke those words, tears began to roll down Andy's face and he fumbled for his handkerchief, finding it in his back pocket, he wiped his eyes with it, but the tears kept coming. Suddenly overcome by the need to cry it out, yet again, he sat heavily on the bed and grabbed onto Sharon's pillow and buried his face in it. For a few minutes, he sobbed into it with great gut-wrenching heartbroken cries.

Rusty walked closer and sat beside Andy, as he cried his heart out. He wrapped his arms around the man that was, for all intents and purposes, his father, in an attempt to comfort him. Then he gave way to his own grief and cried along with him. Finally, having cried until they had no tears left, Andy and Rusty wiped their tears away. Andy with his handkerchief and Rusty grabbed a tissue from his mother's bedside table.

Andy finished what he had been saying. "I'm... uh… not sure how long that will take, Kid. I mean, I loved your mother with my heart and soul. How long does it take to heal a broken heart? Actually, I kind of feel as if someone took my heart out of my chest, tore it to pieces and stomped on it," Andy said, stroking the pillowcase of Sharon's pillow between his fingers, for the comfort of it. He could still smell her perfume on the pillowcase. Jasmine and Lily of The Valley. He looked over at Rusty. "In any case, I'm pretty sure it won't be forever but, as I said earlier, it could be a couple of months, maybe longer." As he spoke he shrugged his shoulders and then finished his sentence, "Or, it may end up being only two weeks. Who knows? Anyway, I filled out my paperwork for an extended leave of absence, which may or may not lead to full retirement. My plane leaves for Ireland at the end of the week. I wanted to spend some time with you, Nicole, and the boys, during the next couple of days if you're not too busy"

"Of course, I'll make time for you Andy. I'll speak to Andrea, I'm sure she'll let me have some time off," Rusty said and then, realizing fully what Andy had told him. He put up his hand and asked, "Wait... did you just say… you're… you're thinking of retiring? Really?"

He gave him a half smile. "Yeah Kid, I'm thinking about it. I haven't decided, completely yet. I don't want to make any rash decisions right now, but it may turn into retirement. I'm just not sure I… have the heart for the job anymore. Your mother is gone, Provenza has retired, Mike is going to run Major Crimes now or what's left of it. Julio is moving to another division to be there for Mark more, and that leaves Mike, Nolan, Amy, Buzz, and Cami. The Chief said that he would bring some new people into the squad, to fill it out a bit"

Rusty was surprised that Andy didn't want to work to stay busy but asked, "What did he say about you retiring? I mean, did you mention it to him?"

Again, Andy shrugged still holding on to Sharon's pillow. "I mentioned the extended leave and he asked if I was thinking about retiring. He said I didn't have to make any life-changing decisions right now. I'm pretty sure he wasn't surprised that I was considering it though. After your mother died and Provenza retired, I'm sure he knew or suspected that it would be on my mind."

"Okay. I guess what I'm wondering is if you retired what would you do with your time? Provenza's got Patrice but... Mom's gone and you...um… we all figured you and Provenza would… die at your desks. Like..." Rusty voice lowered sadly as he said, "like M… Mom did… but if you retire...? I'm sorry. I shouldn't ... "

Andy put his arm around Rusty's shoulders. "Hey, Kid, it's okay. I understand where you are coming from. I know you're worried about how I'm going to cope with my… addiction issues and this grief. As far as my addiction all I can promise is to take one day at a time and to think about how picking up the bottle again would dishonor your mother's memory. She worked so hard to help me reconnect with my kids after I screwed up my relationship with them by drinking. She was so proud of me for staying sober all those years. It's one of those things that helped her trust me enough to fall in love with me. I can't say I haven't thought about drinking to dull the pain of her passing, but I know that she would have been very disappointed in me if I did. Not only would I disappoint her, but I'd lose the relationship with my kids that I finally have. As far as what I'll do with my time if I retire, I've got a few ideas but nothing concrete yet, plus I only said I was thinking about retiring ."

"I'm glad Andy, I'm glad that you're taking care of your sobriety but, and this may sound bad to you, but sometimes I wish she was here **to** disappoint or ...make her proud. You know? It's so unfair! I only had six years with her! I'd give anything to see her again! I wish she'd listened to us and gone home when we asked her to." Rusty was having a hard time keeping his anger at bay.

"I understand completely, Kid. I feel the same way sometimes, but you know, as much as we, the ones left behind, miss your mom and hate that she's gone, she died doing exactly what she loved doing. She died on the job, exposing a murderer and making it possible for her to be put in jail. You know, if your mom had lived, her options would have been an LVAD, which with her condition would only have postponed the inevitable or she would have had to move into the transplant ward and languish there until someone in her vicinity, who was an exact match for her, died. And then, there might be two or three other patients that had a better chance of getting the heart, because of age and or family circumstances. Your mother didn't feel comfortable with the idea, of competing for a heart. She didn't want to be the reason someone younger, someone more in need of a heart didn't get their chance at life. And, there's the fact that your mother would have gone stir crazy in that transplant ward. She would have been isolated and bored to tears, not to mention lonely. We all would have been off living our lives because you know she wouldn't have let us stay with her all the time. Do you remember when Emily and Ricky were here, and we were having dinner? She said, 'What was the point of living if she couldn't do the things that made living worthwhile?'"

Rusty agreed with him, "I know, Andy. We've talked about it but even though, I know it in my heart, my head just can't wrap itself around the fact that she's gone, and I'll never see her again."

"I know Rusty, my head, and my heart aren't entirely in agreement either. Just think of it this way, every day that your mother had to wait for a heart she would have become weaker and weaker. If she had to wait too long, her faulty heart would make her too weak to live through the surgery. After all, she would have gone through, she may have died anyway, suffering a great deal in the process. Dying the way she did was much better. It was quick. It was really hard on us but I think if she had died any other way, it would have been a lot harder on her and we wouldn't have wanted that for her would we?" Andy knew what he was saying was to convince Rusty as well as himself, that it was better this way.

Rusty wiped more tears with the crumpled tissue he was holding. "No, we wouldn't. Um… you were talking about retiring and your... um, itinerary in Ireland?"

"Well, as far as retiring goes by the way; remember, I said I'm not completely sold on the idea yet, but I've always thought, I'd probably die in the field being shot at or being blown up or having a heart attack while running after a suspect. I'd have been okay with that but since I lost your mother, I realize that life is short, and you never know when your time is up. Do I really want to waste another minute, soaking up the darkness? I pledged my life to protect and serve the people of Los Angeles. Protecting them from that darkness and I've dedicated forty years of my life to that cause. It just seems that no matter how many bad guys we catch no matter how much darkness we dispel, there's more darkness and more bad guys waiting in the wings. It's never-ending. I wish I could have convinced your mother of that and we could have retired together, before the bomb blasts and the flu epidemic that caused the virus that killed her. If I had, maybe she wouldn't have gotten sick, to begin with, and she'd still be with us."

"Oh yeah, come on Andy, are we talking about the same woman? Sharon Raydor? You know that wouldn't have happened, right? Mom was a workaholic. She loved her job. You would never have been able to convince her to retire," Rusty said looking straight into Andy's eyes. Wanting him to realize that he wasn't to blame for his mother's death. "So, you were telling me about your itinerary."

Andy shook his head and get back on track. "Yes, so my itinerary once I leave here is that I'm planning on driving up to Pal Alto ,and San Francisco so that I can spend some time with Ricky and my son Drew, and then once I begin my flight, which leaves out of San Francisco, I'll have a layover in New York, so I can spend some time with Emily. Then a straight shot from there to Ireland."

"Where will you stay, while you are in Ireland?" Rusty asked curiously. He was no longer upset about Andy leaving. He realized as he cried with him that Andy was still in a great deal of emotional pain, even more so than he was. At least Rusty had his plans for law school to focus on and his assistant job with Andrea. He also had Gus back in his life, but Andy had lost the love of his life and he needed to come to grips with it. To figure out what he would do with his life now that Sharon wouldn't be in it before the grief consumed him. On one hand, he sounded like he was going in the right direction but Rusty could tell that Andy was still very sad.

Andy took a moment to organize his thoughts. Then started to talk about his plans in Ireland. "There are bed and breakfasts all over Ireland. Your mother's and my plan was, to tour as many of them as we could fit into one month. She loved the idea that she was Irish and that she was finally going to get to see where her ancestors came from. She also loved the idea of staying at bed and breakfasts along the way and getting to meet the locals. She was hoping to meet family members that were still there. We looked into where our ancestors lived and their names. We then mapped out an itinerary that would give us the best chance to meet them. I've decided to stick with our original plan to stay in Dublin for the first two nights I'm there and then make my way inland. I printed out my itinerary but, I may not stick closely to the dates. I mean if I find I like a particular place, I may stay there longer if they are able to accommodate me. I guess what I'm trying to say is the itinerary, is not necessarily set in stone but I have a very good iPhone, it has great international calling. You can call me anytime and if you would like to join me, you are more than welcome to."

"Really?" Rusty asked surprised by the invitation.

Andy placed his hand on the kid's shoulder as he said, "Yeah, really. Rusty, I'm not running away from you. I'm trying to deal with this unrelenting grief that keeps tearing me up inside, day after day. Losing your mother has leveled me and before you ask, I'm not sure it's going to get better while going on the honeymoon trip she and I planned to go on together. I just think maybe by seeing Ireland through her eyes as well as my own I'll finally be able to come to grips with my loss and find peace. If that's at all possible. My plane ticket it is open-ended so that if this trip proves to be a huge mistake, I can come back whenever I feel the need."

Rusty cleared his throat. "Well, I'll miss you, Andy but I really hope you find the peace you are looking for."

"Thanks, Rusty. I'll miss you too." Andy slowly closed his eyes and could picture Sharon smiling face. Even though she would always be with him he knew it would be awhile until he felt at peace once again. He just needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other and get through day by day.

 **TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 2**

* * *

As Andy drove up the coast towards Ricky and Drew, he remembered his grandsons Ian and Braden's words to him at the cemetery. He had gone there to tell Sharon what his plans were. He knew in his mind that she wasn't there, but he felt like she could hear him there for some reason. So, he had taken a vase of her favorite flowers and he sat on the bench next to her grave and told her what his plans were, then sobbed out his grief yet again! Before he left, his daughter Nicole, her husband, Dean, their brand-new daughters, Sharon Rose and Charlotte Sandra, and Nicole's twin step-sons Ian and Braden, age eight had shown up. Andy looked up at them. His eyes dull with grief. "Nicole, Dean, boys. What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"We called Rusty and he told us you planned on stopping here on your way out of town. We had told the boys that you were leaving for a while and they insisted we come find you, that they had something they needed to tell you. They've been really worried about you and I wanted to give you one last hug before you go."

Ian hugged his step-grandfather and then he pulled back, placing his small hands on his grandfather's shoulders. Looking him square in the eyes, he said, "Don't be sad, Grandpa Andy. Grandma Sharon said that even if she goes up to heaven before we do, she'll be with us in spirit always. She said that we shouldn't be sad because she was going to a beautiful place where there was no pain or sickness and that she'll be waiting for us, watching over us until we join her."

Nicole looked at her son and asked, "When did she say that Ian? She was surprised. He hadn't mentioned any of this to her or Dean.

"Um, it was the same night our babies came."

"But why didn't you say something to me or your dad?"

"Well, we kinda thought it was a dream at first and everything was upside down then. You and Dad left to go have the babies, Grandma Sandra was watching us and we knew she wouldn't believe us."

Ian looked down at his shoes. "Sorry, Mom but she would have said we were just trying to get attention."

Nicole rolled her eyes. Her mother had never been a fan of the idea of her, Nicole, marrying into a readymade family. She was not particularly patient with the boys. She and Dean only used her mother for a babysitter in emergencies and December 19th had been an emergency. Ian shrugged and continued, "Anyway, everybody was excited about the babies and then really sad about Gramma Sharon. When we heard about her… dying we…" Ian stopped and swallowed hard, but two tears slid down his face. He wiped them with his sleeve and tried to finish his sentence, but more tears came, so Braden took up where his brother left off.

"We thought it had to be a dream because if she was dead she couldn't have come to visit us, right? Then, this morning you said Grandpa was going to Ireland like she said he would and we knew we had to tell you, Grandpa," Braden said, his own voice cracking.

Andy tried to smile at the boys and asked, "What happened exactly and what all did Gramma Sharon say ?" He asked.

Ian continued his story. "Well, we were both asleep but I woke up because I thought I heard somebody crying. When I opened my eyes, I saw a light shining at the bottom of my bed. At first, I thought it was the moon but then I saw Grandma Sharon in a beautiful white dress with a veil, looking like an angel. She was smiling but she had tears in her eyes too. She said she had to go up to heaven, but she wanted to say goodbye first and she wanted us to always remember that she loved us bunches and bunches. That's what made me know that it was really her. She always said she loved us bunches and bunches. Because the first time we told her we loved her, we told her we loved her bunches and bunches. It made her cry but she smiled at us and she told us it would forever be her favorite love language, from her first grandchildren." Ian tugged Andy's hand, with a smile he asked, "remember that day, Grandpa? Anyway, she said she would watch over us and our sisters until we could join her when we were grown up and had lived out our lives. She also said I should tell you, Grandpa Andy, that she loves you sooo much and she was very sorry she had to leave you. That you made her the happiest she's ever been and she'll be waiting for you, and for you to not forget the promise you made to her."

After Ian had stopped talking, his twin brother Braden chimed in. "Grandpa, Gramma Sharon also said to tell you that she was glad that you are going on that trip to Ireland to see it for both of you and that you'll find her there."

Andy looked at both the boys, literally gobsmacked. He sat for a moment trying to process what the children had said. Then he looked at his daughter. "I'm sorry to have to ask this Nicole, I should know they're my grandbabies after all but what day and time was the girls' birthday?"

"It's okay Dad, you've had a lot going on. They were born the 19th of December, Sharon Rose was born at 9:10 pm and Charlotte was born at 9:11."

Andy's mouth fell open in astonishment. "You're not going to believe this but…"

"Is that when Sharon passed away?" Nicole asked. So much had happened that she had forgotten to ask.

Andy nodded. "She passed at exactly 9:10 pm."

Tears ran down Nicole's and Andy's faces. It was a source of great sorrow for Andy and Nicole that Sharon had not gotten a chance to see the girls after they were born. She'd seen every sonogram picture and had even framed them. She'd been sooo excited when she found out about Nicole's pregnancy and even more so when they found out that not only were the babies twins but that they were identical mirror twins.

"Andy, look at this," Dean said. He pointed to two identical raspberry marks on the girl's foreheads. They were just under their hairline but since their hair was at this stage almost nonexistent they could be seen. The raspberry marks formed what looked like kissing lips on opposite sides of the infant's foreheads. Sharon's on the left side and Charlotte's on the right.

"Why it looks like they were kissed there!" Andy said with wonder.

Dean smiled sadly, "Yeah, it does doesn't it." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "It looks like Gramma Sharon got to see her grandbabies after all."

"Yes, it does," Andy said starting to feel a little less sad. He kissed Nicole, the boys, and the babies than shook Dean's hand. He looked down at the beautiful twin baby girls. "You take good care of these baby girls and their brothers for me and make sure you send me regular pictures of everybody. I'm not sure when I'll be back exactly but I don't want to miss anything. Maybe we can skype when I've had a chance to get my bearings."

"Okay, Dad, we'll miss you. Don't stay away too long, please. At least call me when you get there. Alright?"

"Okay, I will. I'll do my best."

Nicole stretched on her tiptoes and gave her father a kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Nicole."

"Dad, I'm so sorry about what happened to Sharon. I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to be there for you through all this. I hated not being able to be there for the wedding, that was bad enough but not being able to be there for you through this..." Nicole said, running a hand up and down his arm.

"Nicole, you were having twins and taking care of the boys, your husband, and holding down a job. You had your hands full. Don't worry about me. I'll be… fine. Listen, I'm sorry, I left it to you to tell the boys about my trip. I mean it's what I came over yesterday to tell them but they were so happy to see me, I chickened out."

"It's okay Dad, you had a good day with them and then you left so suddenly I knew you were missing Sharon. She used to get such a kick out of watching you with the boys. She'd get to laughing so hard she'd snort laugh, and turn red because she'd get embarrassed."

Andy's eyes became wet with unshed tears, but he couldn't help smiling at the memory. "Yeah, that was what I was remembering. That and the fact that she'd have been so in love with those babies and so honored that you named one of them after her .I'm so sorry I left so suddenly."

He had gone to visit yesterday to tell the boys about his trip to assure them and Nicole that he would be back. He had chickened out and instead had roughhoused with the boys and cooed over his granddaughters. Then, feeling the familiar wave of sadness come over him, he had left and gone back to the condo. Later he had called Nicole and told her about his trip then asked her to tell the boys. Knowing her father was in a great deal of emotional pain. Nicole had been understanding and had agreed to tell the boys about his trip herself.

Now as it turned out the boys already knew. He was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that the boys already knew because 'Gramma Sharon' had told them. The thing was that the last time Sharon had seen the boys were at their birthday party in early October before she got sick with the flu. So, unless she really had visited them the night of her death they wouldn't have known about her illness or his trip to Ireland. The Major Crimes team had been busy since before Sharon was entirely well from the flu and, so he and Sharon hadn't been able to spend any time with his daughter's family. They had not been at the wedding because Nicole was bedridden the last six weeks of her pregnancy.

"Out of the mouths of babes," he murmured. Andy shook his head in wonderment.

Once he got to Palo Alto he concentrated on spending quality time with Sharon's eldest son. Ricky showed him the sights, adding some of his mother's favorite places. He also took him to a football game. The night before he was to leave to meet up with his son, Drew in San Francisco, Andy, and Ricky sat on Ricky's deck talking. Andy had a glass of cranberry and soda, and Ricky had a bottle of Blue Moon beer. Ricky watched the boats on the water and then turned toward Andy and leaned against the railing. He wore a grey sweater, a red plaid shirt, and a pair of faded jeans. His eyes were full of confusion and pain. "Andy, do you remember that video mom made for us?"

Andy's eyebrows shot up. "Well, yeah Ricky, of course, I do. What about it?"

"I was wondering if something was happening to mom's brain, as well as her heart? I mean Emily was her firstborn. I came three years after Emily but in the video, Mom said I was her firstborn and her experiment." Ricky questioned, "How could she make that mistake? She was there. Shouldn't she have remembered which of us came first?"

Andy had the same concern. He explained to Ricky what he had thought had happened to Sharon's thinking. "Yes, she should have, and she would have had things been different. She was on some strong drugs Ricky, one of the side effects was confusion, plus she had had two major heart-related episodes. Even before either of those episodes happened, she was exhibiting periods of momentary confusion.  
Andrea, you remember her?"

Ricky nodded, "Yeah, of course, The blonde, DDA Hobbs. What about her?"

"She told me that several weeks ago when she was trying to tell your mother information about a death that was linked to Stroh, your mother couldn't seem to make the connection. She couldn't understand how what Andrea was saying linked to her current case. It didn't. Andrea had mentioned Rusty, Emma, and protection and your mother still wasn't able to connect the dots. Your mother had been dealing with the shadow of Stroh for years. If she'd been completely well she would have caught it right away. Andrea mentioned it to me because she was worried. I mention this incident to your mother and she asked the doctor. He said heart-related incidents can often lead to memory loss or confusion because the brain isn't getting all the oxygen it needs, and the brain cells die off. Sometimes it's temporary but most of the time it's not. My guess is, that your mother's heart was already gearing up to fail when she made that video, and her brain was not getting the oxygen it needed to function properly. In fact, right before she crumpled at her desk, she was shouting things that had more to do with her own situation with the transplant than it did with the actual murders. I think back and I realize that in those last weeks, I often noticed her rubbing the side of her head or the side of her neck but since at the time we didn't have all the information about what was going on with her. I didn't realize how seriously ill she was. Another of the side effects of her illness were blood clots, that could have been causing mini-strokes. You know your mother loved you dearly, whatever your true birth order was. Please don't let a slip of the tongue caused by something your mother had no control over, color your memory of her."

"Good grief, Andy, of course, I wouldn't do that! My mother was the best mother in the world! She was loving and kind, she could be fierce and quite scary at times but no matter what we always knew she loved us. It was just, confusing and upsetting when she confused our birth orders. We hadn't realized just how completely compromised her health was. I'll call Em and explain it."

"That would be a good idea and I'll talk to her more at length when I get to New York."

"That's right, you're going to spend a few days with her. I'd still like to call her and clue her in. She was really kind of upset about it."

"Go ahead. I'll go to my room and finish packing and get ready for my flight tomorrow. If you need me call me." Andy started to turn towards the sliding glass doors to go in the house but Ricky reached out and squeezed his shoulder.

"Sure. Listen, Andy, I just wanted to thank you for making the last years of my mother's life so happy. She was you know. She was over the moon happy when she was with you."

"Thank you for saying that Ricky. She made me happy too. I was over the moon happy with her. I just wish things were different, that I'd been strong enough to convince her to leave to go home that night before she got into it with the suspect. I wish her heart hadn't failed so quickly and that she'd had better options." Andy said sadly.

Ricky looked at him with compassion "Andy, it's not your fault my mother died."

"It doesn't feel that way, Ricky. Inside of me, I feel like I failed your mother. I was so afraid to put my foot down and make her go home, afraid I'd upset her. I let her do what she wanted and look how that turned out!"

Ricky smirked at him. "Andy, nobody could make my mother do anything she didn't want to do and in the end, her heart stopped. It didn't seize, it didn't skip a beat, it stopped. Rusty said the doctor said that had nothing to do with you or anything she was doing at that moment. Her heart condition was too advanced, her heart too compromised to go on beating. Besides, remember what you told Rusty, her options weren't that great. An LVAD would have only delayed the inevitable and she didn't like the idea of taking a heart from someone else that really needed it. You were right when you told him, she died doing what she loved. That doesn't happen for everybody. She died on her own terms and as much as we hate not having her with us, I'm glad she didn't die by inches in some transplant ward." Andy chuckled. Ricky looked at him confused. "What's funny?"

"Were you listening to Rusty, I, and Provenza. When we had this same conversation?"

"No, but Rusty told me everything afterward." Andy's eyebrows went up. "Hey, I'm the big brother. Mom would have wanted me to look out for the little bro."

"Yes, she would have, Ricky and I'd appreciate it if you would keep a close eye out for him while I'm in Ireland. He's out of danger now that Stroh is dead, but he took your mother's death really hard. He misses her a lot and well, he may need his big brother more than ever right now."

"Okay, Andy, I'll watch out for him as well as I am able from here." Ricky looked at Andy and saw the eyebrows go up. "I'll try to visit as often as I can and invite him up here, while you are in Ireland but don't stay away too long. Okay?"

"Thanks, Ricky. I um, I appreciate it. Provenza and Patrice will look out for him too and the rest of the team, but he'll need you. You and Em are a connection to Sharon."

"Yeah, as he is to us."

"You're also family in your own right," Andy said patting Ricky's shoulder.

"I know. You are too."

"Thanks."

"Go, Andy, finish packing. I'm going to call Em when I'm finished talking to her, you two can figure out when she can meet you at the airport."

"Okay, Ricky."

 **TBC…**

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 **Thank you all for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated.** **Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 3**

 **Warning:** talk of miscarriages

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Andy was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted by the time he boarded his flight to Ireland. It was a red-eye flight leaving at 10:00 pm from New York. As soon as he got seated, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep but at first, his mind wouldn't let him. It kept going over the last several days. His son Drew and he had a nice time in San Francisco. They had gone on a trolley tour of the city, a boat tour of Alcatraz, and then toured fisherman's wharf, and had lunch there. While they toured San Francisco they had talked and got reacquainted.

"You know, Dad I didn't know Sharon long. I wish I'd known her longer, she seemed really special when I met her at the wedding. I wish I could thank her for giving me my father back. She told me I'd be pleasantly surprised if I'd just give you a chance. She was right. You're nothing like the man I remember. Mom was always bad mouthing you and I grew up believing you had not changed. That you were still secretly drinking but Sharon said you hadn't had a drink in twenty years," Drew said in a questioning tone.

"She was right. Drew, I've been sober over twenty years." Andy smiled as he said, "I've tried very hard to become the man my children could be proud to call their father."

Drew, who was a carbon copy of Andy when he was twenty-four looked at him. "I can see that but, how come mom was so sure you were still drinking?"

Andy had looked out over the San Francisco Bay and then looked back at his son. "Because of back when we were together when I did drink I tried to hide it from her. Look, Drew, I was a terrible husband and a lousy father. I disappointed your mother, by becoming a cop with odd hours, so I was never home when she needed me. Then, we had kids right after we got married. Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea, I love both you and your sister more than you'll ever know, but back then I was not emotionally mature enough to get married, let alone have kids right away."

"Then why did you?" Drew asked with a bite to his tone.

"Well, after we graduated college your grandmother, my mother put pressure on us to get married and give her grandchildren. Since she had breast cancer and we didn't know how long she would live, we went with it. Thank God she lived to see you both grow into your teen years but the fact remains that I wasn't ready to be a husband or a dad, Drew. The responsibility of having a wife, kids, and a mortgage, coupled with a job that had a lot of darkness attached to it was a little more than I could handle. I started going with coworkers to the bar to have a drink to wash the darkness away, so I wouldn't bring it home to the family. At least that's what I told myself. Before I knew it I had become dependent on not just one but four or five drinks and one for the road. Then, I was an alcoholic and not a nice one. I had a biting tongue. I said things, mean things. Your mother… well, she couldn't forgive me for that or the fact that she was left to raise the two of you pretty much on her own. Even after I got sober, she wouldn't let me see you very much, so you weren't able to see me trying to get my life back together. She let her new husband take my place in yours and your sister's life. I don't blame her, she was just trying to do the best she could for you two after I screwed everything up with my drinking." Andy held onto the gate and looked down at his feet, then back up at his son. "Sharon helped me become a better man, by first giving me an ultimatum. She was the new IA officer then and she got me to clean up my act. Then she became my buffer when your sister got married."

"Do you ever think about drinking again?" Drew asked worriedly.

He nodded. "Every day, Drew. At least, since Sharon passed. When she was alive I didn't often feel the need for a drink, unless we had a really bad case that involved children. Those were always the worst."

"She must have been really special if she made you clean up your act."

Andy's face lite up thinking of his wife. "Oh, she was special, Son. Very special. In fact, Sharon was the love of my life, and when she died, a feeling came over me that made me want to drink in the worst way. Except I knew that if I did I would have dishonored her memory, and I can't stand the thought of how disappointed she would have been. Even worse, she would have blamed herself, not me. When it would have been my fault, not hers. Not only that but I've come so far in my sobriety and in my relationship with your sister and you, I wouldn't want to jeopardize that."

"What do you do to keep from drinking?" Drew asked. Eager to know everything about his father, but also seeking answers for himself about his own growing dependence on alcohol.

"I go to AA meetings. If one is not enough I go to as many as I need to get past that feeling of needing a drink and if that doesn't work I call my sponsor." Seeing the blank look on his son's face, Andy tried to explain better. "He's like… a mentor. Someone to hold you accountable and to give emotional support when you need it the most. Like in the middle of the night when there are no meetings to go to. I'm afraid my sponsor has been up with me several times in the last few weeks," Andy said ruefully.

Drew tried not to sound too disappointed as he asked, "Why didn't you do that before… before mom kicked you out?"

He shrugged, knowing no answer would be good enough but he tried to explain, "because at that time I didn't think I had a problem. It wasn't until your mother divorced me and wouldn't let me see you and your sister, that I hit rock bottom. Finally, when I came to work one too many times drunk off my ass, the new IA officer, Sergeant Sharon Raydor gave me an ultimatum, 'get sober and stay sober or be dismissed by the LAPD.'"

"So you've known Sharon a long time?" Drew asked.

Andy knew what Drew was trying to find out. He knew Sandra had made a few snide comments about him during therapy sessions about having affairs during their marriage. He hadn't but Drew only knew what his mother told him. "Yes, I've known her a long time, but we weren't a couple until a couple of years after she offered to be my buffer at your sister's wedding. By then we were friends and we went out for dinner after work quite often. We would hash out cases, mostly at first. Then we started to get to know one another by talking about our lives outside of work. It came about organically after that. Drew, I promise you I never dated anyone… anyone until after your mother and I were divorced. Sharon and I didn't begin really 'dating' until after she was divorced and that just happened three years ago. I know I dated a lot of blonde... bim… young women for a while, but that was just me trying to fill a hole in my life. Once Sharon became my boss, I realized I was no longer interested in empty-headed women that were half my age. I was only interested in Sharon who is… who… was… head and shoulders above any one of those other people I dated in the past." Andy lowered his gaze sadly to this feet.

Drew pondered everything his father had said and finally walked the few feet that separated him and his dad. He put his arms around him and hugged him. "I love you, Dad and I'm sorry I let mom's bitterness color the way I saw you. I won't do that anymore. Okay? Listen, when you come back from Ireland, swing up here or I'll come down there and we'll go to a Dodgers game. Keep in touch while you're there, alright?"

Andy nodded, overcome with emotion and hugged his son back. Then at the same time, another wave of sadness washed over him. Sharon had been responsible for bringing him and Drew together again and yet, she'd never know that it had happened. A fresh sob escaped him.

Drew ran his hand up and down his father's back, wanting to comfort the man. "Dad, I'm sure Sharon is looking down from heaven and smiling ear to ear. Besides, she does know. I was at the wedding, remember?"

Andy took his handkerchief out and mopped the tears away. "Yeah, you're right, she does know. I'm sorry, Son, I didn't mean to break down like that. The grief comes in waves, you know? Sometimes it creeps and sometimes it crashes over me when I least expect it."

He gave his dad a moment before saying, "It's okay, I understand. Um, I have a girlfriend, her name is Addie, short for Addison. We've been together about two and a half years now. We were friends first but we figured out quick that we wanted to be something more. We started to live together and she ended up pregnant. We were scared at first because we weren't sure how we felt about it or each other. By the time we finally decided we were happy about the pregnancy, she had a miscarriage, about three and a half months into the pregnancy. The grief was pretty intense for both of us."

"Yeah, it is. Really intense," Andy sadly agreed.

Drew looked surprised. "Are you talking about losing Sharon or did you and mom…"

"Well, both really. When you lose someone, especially a spouse or a child, it can be very intense." Andy looked into son's eyes to tell him, "Your mom and I lost a baby when you were just a year old. She, your mother was in the beginning of her second trimester. It would have been a little boy. We named him, Benjamin. I was on a call out and she couldn't get a hold of me when she woke up in a pool of blood. She called 911 but by the time they got her to the hospital she had lost the baby. She blamed me."

"The same thing happened to us. I was on a seventy-two-hour shift cycle. That week, we were fighting a really bad fire and Addie couldn't get a hold of me. She blamed me at first but the doctor told her that it wasn't either one of our faults. If I had gotten her to the hospital earlier, all that would have accomplished was that it would have delayed the inevitable because the pregnancy would have ended no matter what happened. The baby's vital organs were all outside his body. It was pretty bad. Um, ours would have been a boy as well. At twelve weeks that part of him was just finished developing. His name would have been Jarod." Drew took a moment to remember his son. After a deep breath, he said, "Anyway, I started drinking to forget and before I knew it I was having three beers a night then more. I'm starting to realize that I have a problem and I've been asking these questions, to get to know you, yes, but also to figure out how you beat it. Because Addie is pregnant again, another boy and she said that if I can't beat this she'll raise the kid on her own. I don't want that for my kid, Dad." Drew spoke quieter as he finished, "I know how it feels and it's not good. I want to be able to be there for him."

Andy was surprised and gratified that not only was he finally getting to know his son, his son was asking him for advice. He was sorry that Drew had lost a child and also that he had inherited his disease. Also, finding out he had lost a grandchild before he found out he was going to be a grandfather was sad. However, knowing there would be a new grandchild before too long made him smile. Sharon would say everything happens for a reason, there are no coincidences.

After leaving San Francisco and being met at the JFK airport, by Emily five hours later, Andy had spent an emotional two days with her, eating, talking, and grieving together with her. He reiterated his feelings about Sharon's apparent confusion about Emily's and Ricky's birth orders and possible reasons behind it.

"Yeah, Ricky told me. He also looked up some stuff then called the doctor and talked to him about it. He said that the doctor backed you up, saying almost the same thing you did. That her heart was beginning to fail when she made that video and her brain wasn't getting the amount of oxygen it needed. It still hurt though, you know?" Emily dissolved into tears.

Andy reached over and took her hand. "Emily, your mother loved you with her whole heart. Don't let something she said while her brain was becoming confused by lack of oxygen, color your feelings towards her. She adored you."

"I know Andy and I won't. I adored her, too. I'm just so totally leveled by this. I mean, she ate healthy, she exercised, but she catches a bad case of the flu, develops a heart condition, and dies a month later! She was only sixty-one! My grandparents are in their nineties! I was hoping she live at least that long and now she won't even see her grandchildren! If I were to give her any." Emily tried not to sob as she talked.

Andy told Emily the story Ian and Braden had told him about Sharon's appearance to them the night she died and the girl twin's kiss birthmarks. She sat there dumbstruck for a moment, and then she started to smile through her tears. The night before he was to get on the plane to Ireland, Andy watched Emily's performance in Swan Lake and was struck by the pathos that Emily brought to the part of Odette. She was truly an amazing dancer. Her mother had been so proud of her. He couldn't help wondering if Sharon was watching from above.

Finally, after going over all the visits with the children in his mind, Andy fell asleep on the plane and didn't wake again until he arrived in Dublin the next morning.

 **TBC...**

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 **Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated.** **Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	4. Chapter 4

**_You'll Find Me There_ **

**Chapter 4**

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As Andy approached the baggage area he saw a short squat grey-haired man dressed in grey tweeds. He had a grey tweed bucket hat in one of his hands and a sign that said, Flynn, that he was holding in front of him in the other. He was no taller than Provenza and he was barrel-chested like he was. He reminded Andy of his friend except that his eyes were blue and had a jovial twinkle in them. He stopped and said, "I'm Andrew Flynn. Um, I'll be with you in a moment, I haven't picked up my luggage yet."

The man extended his arm to indicate where the luggage carousels were. "There you go. The first carousel is from your flight."

Andy turned toward where his arm was pointing to and said, "Oh, yeah. Thanks."

The man followed him. "My name is Connor Murphy," he said with a mild Irish brogue. "I'll be taking yah to the hotel. The Drury Court Hotel," he said with a slight question.

"Yes, The Drury. Um, let me just get my luggage and I'll be with you." Andy went to the baggage carousel and picked out his suitcases. There were two, Sharon had picked them out for him. They were burgundy red with lots of pockets. They also had a handle and wheels. Andy released the handles and began walking toward Connor with the suitcases trailing behind him. The older man reached out and took one of the suitcases from him and together they went to the Rambler Station Wagon that Connor had parked at the curb. Andy's first thought was that the car was probably as old as he was or possibly older. It reminded him of his family's first car when he was a kid in New York. It was white, shiny, and had wood panels on the sides. It was well taken care of, not a paint chip or a sign of rust at all. There was one glaring difference and that was that the steering wheel was on the right side instead of the left.

Connor put both the suitcases in the back and opened the passenger door which was on the left side of the car instead of the right. Andy thanked him and got in. Once the man started driving from the airport to the city, Andy started wishing he'd sat in the back. He wasn't sure whether it was the fast-paced traffic coming at him or Connor's driving but by the time they arrived at the Drury Court hotel, he was a bit greenish grayish white around the edges. After parking in front of the hotel, Connor looked over at Andy

"Uh-oh. Are you alright sir?" He asked worriedly.

"Yeah, just not used to the driving situation over here. I guess," Andy said in a strained voice.

Connor patted him on the shoulder as he spoke, "Well, I'll give you a moment. If I take you in there looking like you do now, Delia, uh she's the concierge, will have my head. She's always telling me I need to have more of a care with the American tourists. What she doesn't seem to understand is I'm only trying to keep us alive with the way I drive. It's all about driving defensively. People drive crazy around here. It's better out in the country but in the city well, It seems it's every man for himself. Sorry, if I scared yah."

"It's all good," Andy assured him. "Actually, I live in Los Angeles. You'd think I'd be used to fast-paced traffic by now. I think it may just be the steering wheel being on the right side. Who knows."

"Well now, are yah ready to go in?"

Andy nodded and got out. After getting his luggage from the back of the car they went in. The hotel lobby was nicely appointed in shades of green and white. At the concierge desk, there was a large black woman with long dark hair that reached to her shoulders. The top of her hair was silver and surrounded her head almost like a halo She had a beautiful smile, very comforting and welcoming. She wore a flowing turquoise tunic and black leggings with silver boots. No tweeds for her. Andy handed her his reservation that he'd printed out before he and Sharon had gotten married. He'd been so upset after Sharon's death he'd forgotten to change rooms.

"Hello, Baby. I see you're booked into the bridal suite. You must be Andrew Flynn, and where is your lovely bride ?" she asked in a voice that sounded like whiskey, deep and melodious.

Andy's eyes started to blink furiously to keep them from tearing up. His throat closed up so although he opened and closed his mouth to try to tell her what had happened no sound came out at first. He finally managed to clear his throat enough to answer her. "I… um… meant to change the room. I… I'm afraid my bride is… um… my wife… she p… passed a... away."

Delia's face fell and tears filled her eyes. She could see that the man's pain was still very deep. Andy looked down and tried valiantly to get control of his emotions. Before he knew what had happened, the woman had come around the desk and enveloped him in a big hug. She was at least as tall as he was in her boots. She smelled wonderful, a lot like Sharon. He wondered if her perfume was Lily of The Valley and Jasmine. Her hug was comforting and when she pulled away he felt bereft. "Oh, Baby, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to… bring up well, bad memories. I should have been more... sensitive. I'm not usually that dense."

"No, it's okay. I'm going to have to get used to it." Andy sniffed a few times then said, "People are going to be asking all through Ireland. I'm afraid in my haste to leave town and get away from my memories of her in California, I forgot to change the reservations."

Delia patted his chest. "Listen, Baby, you're in luck. I have one room left. I'll change your room and perhaps give you a little something extra. Would that be okay?"

"Actually, yes that would be great." Andy agreed.

"Well, I'd be glad to do that for you. You know this will be helpful to me too. We have only one Bridal Suite and we had two brides." Andy's eyes started blinking again. Every time he thought he'd regained control of his emotions a word was said that put him right back in the pit of despair. Seeing his reaction to what she had said, Delia sighed and turned to him to apologize. Um, I'm sorry. I keep putting my foot in it, don't I Baby? Here is your key. Your new room is on the 11th floor, 1109. It's lovely. It has a balcony that looks out over the city. It's quite a bit smaller than the... uh suite and it comes with free room service or free meals in the dining room for as long as you're here. Also, all of our rooms come with free WiFi, and a coffee maker," Delia said.

"Thank you." Andy hesitated before asking, "Um 1109 is the number of her… our condo. I hate to ask, but could I have a different room?"

"I wish I had more than one room, Baby, but I'm afraid 1109 was the last room available. I'm sorry. You know, I'd like you to think about this." She beamed a bright smile at him saying, "things aren't always as they seem. Take comfort in that, Baby and… sometimes it's necessary to experience the pain of grief so that we can properly appreciate joy."

Andy wrinkled his brows he listened to Delia. He could sense she was trying to tell him something, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure what it could be. He decided not to think about it and he let her melodious voice wash over him. He never met anyone quite like her. For her to be able to make him feel so comforted after only being in her presence only a few minutes, was amazing. As he listened to her speak he couldn't help but be curious about her. "Delia, you don't sound Irish. Where are you from?"

"I'll be willing to bet I don't look Irish either, Baby," Delia said with a wicked grin and a warm chuckle. "I'm from all over but, I was born in Detroit. I have a friend that is from here, well, Ireland anyway. Up north near Belfast, a place called Derry. When she and her daughter Reilly came home to Ireland after a divorce I came with them. We stayed here for several days and while we were here, the concierge became ill. I filled in for her, and I've been here ever since. That was fifteen years ago now."

Curious he asked, "What happened to your friend?"

"Siobhan* met and fell in love with a young man named Marc O'Brien here in this very lobby. He had two young sons, one named Jamie and one named Cam, of course, Siobhan had Reilly. Reilly was two at the time, Jamie was six, Cam was four. After she and Marc married, they bought a property in Ennis right near the ocean, which is in County Clare and turned it into a bed and breakfast. They've added two new young ones into their family that call me Gramma. A boy named Aiden and a girl, she named Tess after me."

Andy said, confused, "but your name is Delia."

"Actually, my name is Cordelia Tessa Reese, Baby" She winked at him. "Except for the Reese part, that's Siobhan's youngest child's name. Only she prefers to go by Tess."

"Oh," Andy said simply, feeling like he was missing something. It did not escape his attention that he'd been told more about Siobhan's life than Delia's life. Andy's detective brain tried to puzzle it out but after a moment of trying, he gave up and said, "Well, I'd better get going up to my room."

"Before you go, Baby, do you have a copy of your itinerary? I was thinking I could call these places for you and smooth the way a bit so that you don't have to keep encountering the same scenario all the way across Ireland."

"You don't have to…" Andy said, feeling guilty about forgetting to deal with the changing rooms himself.

"I know I don't have to but I want to and I assure you, this is part of my job as concierge. Now, you go on upstairs and rest before dinner. You're still a little grayish green around the edges," she said with a voice that got deeper. "I can see Connor has been up to his old tricks, scaring the tourists again."

"Hey," said Connor who's had been waiting to help Andy get his bags upstairs. "I don't do that on purpose! I've told you and told you, Delia, driving in this city is can be death-defying. You gotta drive defensively!"

"Hmmm, will you stop justifying practically giving people heart attacks with your driving and take Andy's bags to room 1109." She watched as Connor rolled the two suitcases towards the bank of elevators. When she was sure he was out of earshot she leaned in and whispered. "Actually, Baby, driving in Ireland isn't nearly as bad as he makes it out to be. I've been to Naples and it's the people there that drive craziest. However, that's not to say that the traffic here can't be a bit of a challenge if you're not used to it or in his case, even if you are. In this country, as in several other European countries and even in the states but especially in Naples, you have to drive defensively. That he is right about, but I'll never admit it to him. He'll get a big head and I'll never hear the end of it." Her face while speaking this revelation took on several expressions, amusement, and conspiratorial to name a few.

Andy laughed out loud and thought about how Sharon would have found Delia and Connor delightful. He followed the older man to the elevators and they went to the eleventh floor. As they approached room 1109 he couldn't help but notice how similar the hallway was to the one at Los Feliz towers leading to his and Sharon's condo but there the similarity ended. Once they got into the room the walls were white and the bedspread was lime green. Delia had been right, there was a balcony that looked over the city.

He opened the balcony doors and stood looking down at the hustle and bustle until Connor cleared his throat. Andy turned, with raised eyebrows but then, realizing what the man wanted he stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed over a few bills and Connor thanked him. "Thank you, sir. I'm… I'm sorry for your loss. I know how yer feeling. I felt the same way you do when my Sally passed but at least we got to raise a couple of kids together before I lost her. It um gets easier, you know? One day you'll wake up and you'll be able to breathe without feeling like you've been kicked in the solar plexus. Well, we'll be seeing each other around, I'm sure. Goodbye."

"Thank you, Connor." Though he wasn't sure if it would get any easier but that's what everyone kept telling him. Andy closed the door and kicked off his shoes. He laid across the double bed and fell asleep in spite of himself.

 **TBC...**

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 **A/N:** *Pronounced Shiv+ awn

 **Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	5. Chapter 5

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 5**

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Andy spent two full days touring Dublin, on his own. He had planned on leaving the city after that and moving on to County Cork but someone he met changed his mind and he decided to extend his stay for a couple more days. He visited a few of the tourist spots that Delia recommended and tried different restaurants for his lunches but stayed clear of the pubs. He looked in a few of the windows of the more historical ones but basically knew that he was vulnerable at this time and didn't want to challenge his sobriety anymore than it already was, by going in them.

It was a challenge for him emotionally to enjoy Ireland without Sharon. Yet he had Sharon in mind as he "saw Ireland" for her. It brought tears to his eyes seeing the castles they talked about seeing together, as well as the St. Stephen's green and the little museum but then, as he was looking at a piece of Irish tapestry in one of the castles he thought he heard her voice in his head saying, "Isn't this amazing? So much history has gone on within these walls, so much life has been lived! It makes one feel almost insignificant, don't you agree?"

"There was never anything insignificant about you, Sharon. You mattered," he whispered.

"Excuse me, were you talking to me?" asked a woman standing beside him. Andy looked over at the lady. She wore a long green plaid woolen skirt, a white peasant blouse with flounces on the sleeves a matching vest that was laced up, and a pair of black boots. She also wore a green woolen shawl. It looked like a period costume of some sort. Her hair was auburn like Sharon's. It was worn in a half up half down style with long bangs and was lighter than Sharon's was when she passed, but it was quite becoming. She even had the same green eyes. Her cheekbones were slightly wider but her smile was similar to Sharon's.

"Uh... no, I was just talking to my wife. I mean, to myself. She… my uh… wife… passed away… three weeks after we were married. That was three months ago. I'm here to see Ireland… for her," he stopped and swallowed, his voice trembled. After clearing his throat he tried to finish his story, "We… we were supposed to come here for our… honeymoon."

The woman looked at him with a sad, yet tender expression on her face. "My name is Christine O'Dwyer Murphy. What's yours? What was your wife's name? If I'm not being too nosy," she said with a soft Irish brogue.

"Andy... Andy Flynn. Her name, I mean my wife's name was… uh… Sh… Sharon. Sharon O'Dwyer Raydor Flynn. I'm sorry. I… just... well… everywhere I look… I see her. Your eyes are the same color hers were, you wear your hair like she did when I first met her, and it's the same color it was naturally. I... I'm sorry… I need to go," he mumbled and then moved quickly away. Andy left the castle interior but as he passed the outer wall he leaned on it and tried to pull himself together. He buried his face in the palms of his hands and rubbed the tears from his eyes. He wished he could stop doing this. He had never been a cryer. He'd always been the tough police detective but ever since Sharon had died the tears just wouldn't stop.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Sharon Raydor was my.. my cousin. That's why we look alike. My father was her father's brother and my mother was her mother's sister. I'm ten years younger than she was, we never met because my father brought our part of the family to Ireland when my mother's father died and left them a horse ranch. She was the oldest of the two girls so she inherited. Sharon's father became a lawyer and eventually a judge in New New York where they eventually settled. We were supposed to meet for the first time, here at the castle. I um... I hadn't heard about her death," she cleared her throat. "I'm so very sorry for your loss and... I'm also sorry that seeing me has caused you so much pain," Christine said, looking regretful and sad.

Andy looked at her in shock. "You're… you're that Christine? Oh yeah, you did say your maiden name was O'Dwyer. Sharon's been talking about you, about meeting you for the first time. She was so excited to be able to put a face and a voice to a name she's been hearing off and on since her youth."

"Yes, I was excited too. We found each other through Facebook. We'd been communicating quite often since you two decided to come here for your honeymoon, then she got the flu and the communication was a little sporadic. Once she started to recover it became frequent again. Then… nothing. I... called but… it went right to voicemail," Christine shrugged her shoulders sadly.

Andy's eyes became red with the effort not to cry again but his voice betrayed his emotions. "Her…" he swallowed, "um… her… death took us all by surprise. It rocked our world and not in a good way. For awhile, I… I was completely out of it. So... I'm… I'm sorry I… I didn't think to let you know."

Christine's own eyes filled with tears. His pain was palpable and she could relate, having been through it herself not that long ago. Her voice became thick with her own emotions as she related her own experience with losing her spouse. "It's okay, I understand. I'm so very sorry you lost her, and so soon after you got married! I know how it feels to lose the love of your life. My husband, Brian died of a heart attack six months after our youngest, our only daughter Breanna was born. We had our two boys, Liam and Noah. They were ten and eleven and then we found out I was pregnant with Bree. Now, mind you, that was ten years after our youngest boy was born. Brian and I were over the moon happy. We'd long since given up on having another child, let alone a girl. We loved our boys but we had always really wanted a little girl as well. Bree was our little princess. When she first came home, Brian and the boys did everything for her, which was good because it took me quite a while to recover from the rather late in life pregnancy," she chuckled self deprecatingly. "I was forty-eight when I had her. Anyway, I digress. One day when Bree was about six months old, we were getting ready to take her for a walk. Brian leaned down to strap Bree into the pram after I put her in it and he just… keeled over! I… I gave him CPR but it… it didn't work. He was… gone that quick!" she snapped her fingers.

Andy's eyes got misty with sympathy, understanding just how she felt. He related the circumstances of Sharon's death, the best he could remember. "Sharon died in her office interviewing a suspect. She just… dropped at her desk. We tried to give her CPR and we got her back once and then she seized again in the ambulance and they got her back again, but it happened in the emergency room a third time and they were unable to get her back." Andy shook his head in consternation. "It shouldn't have happened that way or at all! She was too young, only sixty. We didn't have near enough time together!" He clenched his fist. "She was supposed to be going on extended medical leave while she was waiting for a heart but she was wrapping things up. She didn't really want to leave. She loved her job. Somehow a suspect was placed in her office with her, I'm not even really clear how that happened but something was said, Sharon stood up and began to raise her voice and all the sudden she just… dropped into her chair and her head was cradled in her arms… and then all hell broke loose. I go over and over it in my mind. I'm blindingly angry one minute and then completely consumed with unrelenting grief the next."

Christine nodded in understanding, "It sounds like she went doing what she loved. My Brian did too. He went while taking care of his princess. I just can't understand why? Why him!? Why her? We were so happy! He was too young, only fifty but at least we had thirteen years together, you only had three weeks together!" Christine's voice trembled as she commiserated with Andy. She swiped at her tears. He handed her his spare handkerchief. She used it to wipe her face. She smiled tremulously as she apologized. "I'm sorry, you think you're over it and then the grief hits you like a wave from the ocean. It happened two years ago. You'd think I would be past tears by now but… I guess I'm not." She swallowed and gave his handkerchief back.

"Well, I guess that answers my question than," Andy said folding the handkerchief and putting it back in his pocket.

"What question was that?" Christine asked curiously.

"Does the grief ever get easier to bear?" Andy asked.

Christine shrugged and smiled ruefully. "It does… eventually, or so I've heard. One day you wake up and you can breathe without feeling like you've been kicked in the solar plexus. You can laugh over a memory, instead of wanting to cry."

Andy was surprised. "That's what my new friend Connor Murphy says. Hey, are you two related?"

Christine smiled fondly. "Connor is my father-in-law. He has reason to know. His wife, Brian's mother Sally and Brian, died within months of each other. No parent should have to bury one child let alone two. Connor had to bury his oldest daughter at the age of six and then his wife and son, years later. She died after we lost Brian. She was heartbroken when he died and never really recovered.

Frowning at how hard that must have been for him. Andy commented sadly, "He mentioned his wife but not his son although he did say he raised a couple of kids with her before she died."

"I imagine he wasn't able to speak about it, for fear of embarrassing himself. He and Brian were close. Brian was his only son. He and Sally had a daughter, Rowan. She was six years old when she died in a car crash. Connor was driving when it happened. A car t-boned their car as he was entering an intersection. He had the right of way but the other guy wasn't paying attention. Then Sally became pregnant with Colleen a couple of years later and then when she was ten, Brian was born." Christine paused and let out a sad sigh. "I'm sorry. I seem to be telling mine and Conner's life story. I don't mean to bore you."

"You're not boring me. It helps to know where people are coming from. Connor's preoccupation with driving defensively makes more sense now. Don't worry, your stories are safe with me," Andy said with understanding.

After a moment or two of silence, Andy finally asked no longer able to curtail his curiosity. "Um… can I ask another question?"

"Sure," Christine said, knowing by the way he kept eyeing her clothing exactly what his question would be.

Andy didn't want to offend her but he was curious so he just came out and asked, "Is that some sort of a costume? You look like someone from another time. You gave me quite a start when I first saw you."

Christine laughed. "Yes, of course, it is a costume and looking like I'm from another time is the point. I'm a docent here at the castle, half a day, three days a week. Breanna is in preschool for half a day, so I work here during that time. That reminds me I have to go pick her up. Would you like to walk with me? It's just around the corner."

Not having planned anything better to do, Andy nodded yes and followed her. They talked about her job as a museum docent on the way to Breanna's school. She told him funny things people asked her and they laughed together. It felt good to laugh. Sharon had always told him he made her laugh and that was one of the many things that attracted her to him. He now understood what she meant. Although he realized that his attraction to Christine was partially because of how much she looked like Sharon. He didn't feel comfortable even acknowledging his feelings let alone mentioning them or acting on them. It was way too soon for that and yet, he felt drawn to her.

When they arrived, there were several children on the playground. Andy tried to figure out which of the many children was Christine's daughter but there were too many possibilities. Suddenly a little red-haired toddler broke from the crowd and squealed. "Mah-mee!"

Christine bent at the waist and held her arms out. "Come my, darling! Did you have fun in school today?"

The toddler ran on sturdy little legs toward her mother. After she was caught up and hugged by Christine as she lifted into her arms, Breanna noticed the stranger and became suddenly shy. "Bree, darling, this is a new friend of mine named Andy. Can you say hello?"

Bree shook her head no. She then hid her beautiful blue-green eyes in her mother's shoulder. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and settled in her mother's arms. Occasionally she'd peek at Andy but then she'd bury her face again. Her long coppery red hair was kept out of her face with a blue headband which had a huge sparkly bow. She had blue-green eyes that took up half her face, there were tiny freckles across her button nose and her cheeks. She had a bow-shaped mouth and tiny pearl-like teeth.  
She wore a light robin's egg blue dress, with an embroidered Peter Pan collar, a matching sweater, white tights, and darker blue Mary-Jane shoes completed the outfit. Andy smiled at the little girl then looked at Christine complimenting her, "She's beautiful, and she looks a great deal like you."

"Thank you. We think she's a keeper. Don't we, Bree. Are you a keeper?" She bounced her daughter on her forearm slightly to let her know she was being spoken too. Bree smiled around the thumb of one hand and played with her mother's hair with her other hand and nodded. Christine kissed the top of her daughters head and then leaned down to pick up Bree's rucksack from the outdoor cubbies. It was decorated in rainbow colors. Andy offered to carry it for her. "Well, now aren't you the gentleman? No wonder cousin Sharon was head over heels for you," Christine said with an Irish lilt to her voice.

"We were head over heels for each other," Andy said sadly.

"I know what you mean. Brian and I were the same way," Christine said also with sadness as she tossed her hair over her shoulder.

Christine led the way back to the castle and around to where her car was parked. It was a navy blue Toyota Prius. Christine put Breanna in her car seat, strapped her in and gave her a blanket, a purple fleece square with the stuffed cloth head of a white puppy on it. She also dug down in the rucksack and gave her a sippy cup with purple Gatorade in it. Brianna drank thirstily and hugged her blanket then started to close her eyes.

"It looks like preschool really wiped her out," Andy observed.

Christine barked a laugh, that sounded a lot like Sharon's laugh. "And that, my dear friend is the reason she's enrolled in school at the age of two. My boys didn't go to school until they were in kindergarten but then, they were only about ten months apart, so they kept each other busy and I was a lot younger then. This little minx was wearing me out with her seemingly boundless energy. She needed an outlet, and I needed time to breathe. With her being the youngest and the only girl I was focusing all my energy on her. She was becoming spoiled and worst of all she wouldn't go to anybody but me. She needed to be socialized. The school has done wonders for her but she's still a little bit shy with strangers."

"Well trust me the way the world is today. It pays for a child to be shy of strangers," Andy said with a heaviness of heart.

Christine became quiet a moment. Then as if she had resolved something within herself, she changed the subject entirely. "Sharon and I talked about the two of you coming over to my house and having dinner while you were here in Dublin. Would you... um still like to come? Tomorrow night?"

"I wouldn't want to impose but since you already set it up with Sharon, I... guess… it would be alright. I have to admit it would be nice to eat with someone besides my own sorry self. Yes, I would like that very much. Thank you. I um, I guess I should mention this, I'm a vegetarian except for turkey. I do eat turkey. I never managed to give that up," Andy said scratching the back of his neck.

Amused by his apparent discomfort in mentioning his being a vegetarian except for eating turkey like he was cheating or something, Christine smiled. "I do remember Sharon mentioning it. We are having Irish Stew with turkey bacon. Just don't mention it to my kids, please. If they think it's not real bacon they won't touch it."

Andy gave a small laugh. "Same with my grandsons, Aiden and Ian. If food is not made the way they're used to it being made, they refuse to eat it. When I was growing up, you ate what was put in front of you or you sat there until you did.""

"Yes, it was that way for me too. I guess I'm just not as strong-willed as my parents. I always feel sorry for them. I find myself, constantly trying to find new and creative ways to entice them to eat healthy foods. Of course, now the boys pretty much eat everything that isn't nailed down but Bree is still very picky."

"So, what time do you want me there and what is your address?" Andy asked.

She thought for a minute then suggested, "Well, around sixish. Connor and Delia will be coming as well so you don't have to worry about the address. They'll bring you along with them. We're outside of the city in Louth."

Surprised that she was planning on inviting Delia as if she was dating Connor. He felt he had to ask. "Are Connor and Delia a couple?"

Christine barked a laugh and then shrugged her shoulder. "No, they're just friends, as far as I know. They irritate each other far too much to be a couple."

Andy laughed a little too. "My friend Provenza and I irritate each other no end but we've been friends for quite awhile and we're work partners. Actually, Connor reminds me a lot of Provenza. Of course, unlike Connor who seems to have been married only once, he, Provenza was married like six times. Twice to the same woman, his first wife, Liz. He's currently married to Patrice. See?" He showed her a picture of Provenza and Patrice at their wedding.

Christine smiled. "Yeah, he and Connor do look a lot alike and Patrice is beautiful. What an odd couple. She's tall and he's short. He's older and she looks so young."

"Yes, well trust me she's closer in age to him then the women he usually goes for. She was quite a surprise to us all, especially Provenza. He almost broke up with her because of the age thing but he came to his senses, thank God!" Andy laughed then became somber saying, "Patrice is great for him. She's been a good friend to Sharon and me during, first mine and later, Sharon's illness and they seem to be very happy."

"I guess that's what's most important. That they are happy," Christine said as she handed back the picture.

"Yeah, he deserves to be happy. At least somebody gets to be happy," Andy said with irony mixed with profound sadness and a tad bit of bitterness.

Christine closed her eyes against the onslaught of pain, sadness, and bitterness radiating from Andy. It was difficult to witness since she wasn't completely over her own grief. She understood his pain. She'd felt the same way as she watched her best friend Kate get married barely a year after Brian had died. Kate had been so happy but her happiness had been hard for Christine to see. She'd barely made it through the ceremony let alone the reception. She'd finally left after apologizing to her friend. Luckily Kate had understood, having been with her through the aftermath and devastation of Brian's death.  
Christine knew the pain Andy was feeling first hand. She just hoped the distraction of having dinner with them all would help him some. He seemed like a very nice man, who was in a great deal of emotional pain.

She opened her eyes and gave Andy a smile. "Well, I'd better get this little one home so she can finish her nap in her own bed. I'll see you at six tomorrow evening. Sorry it can't be tonight, Liam has a rugby match, Noah has a piano lesson, and Bree has a dance class. So we are pretty booked up this evening."

"Wow, you are a busy mom," Andy said impressed.

"You have no idea," Christine said rolling her eyes. Then her eyes became misty as she remembered back to happier times. "When Brian was alive he shared some of the running, of course, but then it was only the boys. Bree hadn't even been born yet. Still they kept us pretty busy . I miss that, having someone to share the responsibilities of everyday life with three children, all going in different directions. I have household help but she's not responsible for the children unless I were to get sick or have a project that is time sensitive. I will say that being this busy doesn't leave a lot of time to grieve."

"How do you do it all?"

Again Christine shrugged. "I guess my life brings new meaning to the expression, one day at a time. Although, some days it's more like one hour at a time," she said smiling ruefully. She settled into the driver's seat and waved as she said, "bye now."

Andy stepped back and waved too. "Bye, I'll see you tomorrow night. Thanks for the invite."

"No problem," Christine offered with a smile before closing her car door softly as to not wake the sleeping little one in the backseat.

 **TBC...**

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 **Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	6. Chapter 6

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 6**

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _These are not my characters they are fully James Duffs. I just love them so much and love to play with them._

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"Honestly, I never knew a woman could carry a bag of dog poop in her fingers with such grace and style. I think that I started to fall in love with her a little right then," Andy said laughing along with his audience.

Christine grabbed a napkin to wipe her eyes, snort-laughing like Sharon used to when she laughed really hard. As Christine did this, her face suffused with a deep rosy blush, she and Andy locked eyes with each other. His face had gone pale and his eyes started to rapidly blink. He pushed himself away from the table and asked to be excused, then he launched himself out of the chair and walked quickly outside onto the patio.

Christine made to follow him but her daughter was asleep on her lap. "Let me go, Baby. You go on and put the baby to bed. She's out cold. It'll be alright. He'll be fine," Delia said and patted her shoulder on her way outside , following after Andy. Christine had no choice but to allow Delia to be the one to follow Andy, while she carefully rose to take Breanna to bed.

Outside Delia asked, "What is it, Baby? What just happened?"She knew or suspected but knew he needed to talk it through.

Andy shook his head. "I… just… needed some air," he said haltingly. He shoved his one hand through his short spiky grey hair while the other found his pocket where he found a locket that he had given to Sharon for Christmas the year before. She wore it all the time until she became ill and had unexpectedly had to have the pacemaker/defibrillator put in. Then one thing after another had happened and he had kept forgetting to give it back to her and she'd been too preoccupied to ask for it. He'd thought about putting it on her to be buried in but when it came down to it he decided against it . There was a picture of the two of them in their wedding pics and one from their last Christmas together. Now it never left his person. He rubbed it for comfort.

"It's more than needing air. Talk to me, Baby, tell me how you're feeling," Delia said standing beside him and holding her hands together while she waited for him to answer.

Andy swallowed the lump in his throat. "What are the chances, Delia?" He asked in a strained voice.

"What are the chances that in all of Ireland I would stumble into a woman who looks just like Sharon? Is related to her and she not only looks like her, she sounds like her, at least how she'd talk with an Irish accent. She walks like her, wears her hair like Sharon used to when she was younger, her eyes are the same color, she has her smile. My God, she even snort laughs like her!"

Delia smiled and shrugged. "That is something that has always embarrassed our Christine, for some reason. I myself think it's delightful but she gets really embarrassed by it. As far as what the chances are I don't know and I can't really speak to that. I can only guess they are pretty good since you did and here we are." She said and spread her hands out in supplication .

Andy looked over at her. "Sharon used to get embarrassed by it too until I convinced her that it was one of the many things that I loved about her," he said sadly. Then he turned his head and looked out over the beautifully landscaped backyard that included a playground on one side for the children and a four seasons pool that was enclosed in a glass house which was attached to the main house. "I can't make up my mind whether I want to run as far as I can from her or stay as close as I can to her. All I do know is that these feelings that I'm having are me grieving for my wife and… any relationship I would have with Christine would be a result of that. She doesn't deserve to be treated that way. She, Christine, is a lovely woman who deserves to be loved and cherished for who she is, not because of who she looks like and reminds me of and yet…"

"And yet?" She asked when he paused, trying to coax more out of him.

Andy shrugged. "I don't know. I feel happy when I'm with her. It's only been since yesterday that I've known her and yet I feel like I've known her forever. She's beautiful, funny, kind, and hot in those leggings she wears. I know...my attraction to her is mostly triggered by how much she reminds me of Sharon. She has a lot of physical traits as well as personality traits that Sharon had but actually, although she's strong like Sharon was, it's a different kind of strength. She's not driven or career-oriented like Sharon was. Her focus is on being a mother. Raising her children, being there for them. Sharon was a great mother but due to circumstances she had to be the breadwinner, so she had to split her focus. She always regretted not being there more for her children. No, that's wrong, what she regretted was that circumstances forced her to be the breadwinner, therefore she missed quite a lot of her children's lives."

She patted his shoulder as she spoke, "Christine is a wonderful mother. Thankfully, Brian left her well off. She hasn't had to work outside the home unless she wanted to; which was a blessing. The kids needed her after his death and she needed to be with them but she wasn't always a mother, Baby. She did have a career, she just stepped away from it for awhile, when she became a mother. She has started to get back to it now that the boys are older and more self-sufficient and Breanna is in preschool part-time. She just started volunteering at the castle where she used to work before the children came. She plans to get back into it more once Breanna is in school full time."

Andy nodded his understanding. He remembered what Christine had told him."Yeah, she told me that she put Breanna in school to help socialize her and that she needed to get out of the house herself, so she volunteered." He offered.

Delia nodded. "Did she also tell you that she used to repair some of the exhibits when they started to show signs of wear and tear?"

"Uh no, Which ones?" Andy asked curiously.

"The tapestries and costumes of the day. Christine is a very talented artist. She can paint, sculpt, weave, and sew. All using the methods and materials available from many different time periods. She made the costume she was wearing the day you met her, everything from weaving the cloth to sewing it together." Delia spoke proudly of her friend. "She's has a degree in Irish history and she has a curators license. She's a very smart lady."

"I'd expect no less from a cousin of Sharon's,"Andy said.

"But she's not your wife, Baby," Delia reminded him softly.

"No…. she's not. You know, Delia I can't make up my mind whether you're trying to push me towards her or warn me away from her." He wondered out loud.

"Neither, Baby. Just trying to help you process things. You see, you are not the only one trying to replace someone you lost."

Andy looked up sharply. "I'm not trying… Sharon is not replaceable!" Andy's said his voice rising.

Delia moved closer and patted Andy's arm to calm him down. It was oddly a thing that reminded him of Sharon. She'd do that when he would get worked up at work. "Calm down, Baby. I'm sorry, that was a poor choice of words. What I'm trying to say is that you're not the only one in pain here. You lost a wife, not that long ago, and… Christine lost a husband a little more than two years ago." After she said that Delia studied Andy's profile a moment. Then she tilted her head to the side and added, "You know, you should ask her to show you a picture of Brian."

Suddenly they heard someone clearing their throat. "I um… have some right here," Christine said, standing not too far away. She had changed her blouse because Breanna had drooled on the blue one she'd been wearing. The blouse she wore now was a wine colored, polyester pullover with a shark bite hem. She wore black leggings and flat black sandals. She was beautiful and Andy swallowed hard. She held out the picture to Andy. He took it, as he looked into her green eyes, trying to gauge how much she might have heard. She smiled uncertainly at him. He smiled back, just as uncertain.

He then looked down at the picture and saw a man that resembled his younger self with black hair and glasses staring back at him as he held his newborn baby. Andy's brows furrowed as he looked down at the picture. In it was a younger Christine looking tired but happy in a hospital gown, pale and exhausted, but smiling up at the man holding the baby. Andy reached into his back pocket and found his wallet. In one of the sleeves meant for pictures was an almost identical picture of him holding his firstborn, Nicole. Sandra, his ex-wife had been in it too, looking up at him like Christine was looking at Brian. With adoration. After the divorce Andy had been so angry, he had cut her out of it. Andy's knees felt like they were giving out on him. He sat down heavily in a chair that seemed to magically appear behind him. It wasn't really magic of course. Delia saw him waver and pulled it up behind him. His head began to hurt. A dull ache at the back, behind his ear, and around to his forehead. It was on the opposite side from when he fell off the car a couple of years ago. He rubbed the back of his head and then his forehead.

"Andy, are you okay?" Delia and Christine asked simultaneously, both were concerned.

He was so focused on the picture he didn't hear either Christine or Delia at first. That and the fact that his heart was beating loudly in his ears.

"Andy, are you okay?" Christine repeated.

"What? Oh, yeah. I'm… I'm… okay," he tried to sound convincing. "I do have a headache though from trying to wrap my head around this. Um... this is… was your husband?"

"Yes, this is Brian. He was holding Liam. Our oldest. This is him holding Noah and here he is holding Breanna ten years later," she said handing him two more pictures. Andy looked at pictures of a man that could have been himself at different stages of his life. Brian Murphy was the spitting image of Andy Flynn about fifteen years ago. In the first two pictures, his hair was black and his eyes were brown, his complexion swarthy. In the last picture, which was roughly two years ago, his hair was more salt than pepper like Andy's. The only difference was that Brian's hair was longer and wavier on the top than Andy's. His complexion had lightened as well. He was paler than he had been in his younger days, just like Andy. "What do you think this means?" Andy asked, baffled and more than a little shocked.

Christine sat down beside Andy, "I… I'm not sure. It does seem as if our lives are intertwined. I look like your deceased wife and you look like my deceased husband. As to what it means, I can't say. Look, Andy… I heard what you said to Delia and I thank you for saying... w… what you said." Christine blushed when she remembered the complements, unable to repeat them. Not because they had been inappropriate or suggestive in any way, but because her self-esteem was low and she didn't feel lovely or beautiful. She felt frumpy and motherly not glamorous or beautiful let alone, "hot."

Andy looked at her confused. "What did you hear?"

Christine looked down at her lap and chewed on her lip. She had hoped he wouldn't make her repeat it. "Look, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I heard you through the French doors to my bedroom, when I went in there to change my shirt. I heard you asking Delia what the chances were that you'd meet someone that looked so much like Sharon ,and that you thought I was… um... that you liked what you saw and that you were… um attracted to me," she paraphrased. "That you were afraid it was because of how much I reminded you of your wife and that I… deserved to be loved for who I was not because of how much I resembled Sharon. Thank you for that," she said.

"I'm sorry, you weren't meant to hear that," Andy said apologetically.

"I know and I wouldn't have if I hadn't gone into the bedroom to change but Breanna drooled all over my other shirt," she looked at him and smiled sheepishly. As she spoke, Delia left the patio to go back inside. "Andy, I want you to know I understand how you feel. I too have felt the pull of attraction for you and while I can't deny that attraction, it's too soon for either one of us to get involved with anyone. Especially for someone who so closely resembles our deceased loved ones. Your loss is so recent and you are still in so much emotional pain. I also have a way to go before I'm ready to give my heart away again. I have three children, two of which were devastated by their father's death. Breanna was too young at the time. I wouldn't want them to have to suffer through a break-up if it didn't work out between us. You came here to go on a journey and you're meant to make that journey for healing. If after you've finished traveling across Ireland, you feel you are healed enough to have a relationship of friendship or... way down the road… something more, well, you know where I live."

Andy smiled at her sadly. "Thank you, Christine. Right at this moment, I feel as if my heart is broken into so many pieces. I kind of feel like I know how Humpty Dumpty felt after he fell off the wall," Andy said ironically and sighed.

"All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again," Christine stated matter-of-factly and nodded her understanding. She placed her hand on the crook of his arm. "Been there," she said sadly and squeezed his arm, swallowing back tears.

Andy patted her hand and gave it a squeeze back as he looked up at the moon to try to regain his composure . . Then he rubbed the back of his neck and turned his gaze back on Christine and said, "Well, I guess if I'm going to continue my journey across Ireland I'd better get back to the hotel and start making some calls. I was supposed to be in County Cork this afternoon. The proprietress said she would hold my room till tomorrow free of charge but after that, there would be a fee. So, I'd better let her know I'll be on my way in the morning. Thanks, Christine… for everything and by the way, your Irish stew was great."

Christine stood up. "You're welcome, Andy," Christine said smiling. Then suddenly looking a little sheepish again as she admitted, "Um… that wasn't my stew. It was Maeve's. She cooks for us. If I cooked, I'm afraid we'd starve," she admitted with a chuckle. "I can bake, cookies, and such. I can put a sandwich together or a salad, but actual cooking has never been a skill I've accomplished. I was always too busy as a young adult, working on my studies. Then I was busy with my career and raising children. Brian loved to cook but he was quite often too busy, so he had Maeve come in three days a week to help out. When Brian passed she came to live with us and she's been with us ever since. She sings in the church choir on Sundays and practices on Thursday evenings, so she made dinner for us and set things up and then left."

Andy smiled sadly. "That's yet another thing you have in common with Sharon. She baked too. She could make a mean sugar cookie at Christmas time. She… she loved Christmas, but she didn't cook either. We lived on take-out if there was a big case or Rusty or I cooked."

Christine rolled her eyes. "She told me about her love for Christmas and how you and Rusty would tease her about her love for angels, which I share by the way."

"For two people who never actually met, you two sure hav… had a lot in common," Andy said with amazement."

"I guess being doubly related had something to do with it," Christine said with an off-handed shrug.

"Well… I… guess this is goodbye," Andy said sadly.

"Let's not say goodbye, instead let's say, 'until we meet again.' That's much less sad. It's… hopeful. Perhaps if we do meet again you'll have found the peace you are looking for," Christine said and gave Andy a kiss on the cheek.

"We can hope," Andy said not completely convinced that his heart would ever recover from the heartbreak of losing Sharon.

 **TBC...**

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Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.


	7. Chapter 7

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 7**

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Connor drove Andy to Cork by way of the Kilkenny Castle, and a few other interesting tourist attractions, then he left him at the bed and breakfast he had booked in Cork. A farm style house of red brick. He had a one bedroom suite to himself. It was painted a pale yellow with blue and yellow accents. It was a nice peaceful room. Connor put the suitcase he was carrying on the stand and turned to Andy. "Are you gonna be okay?" he asked gruffly. He had noticed that Andy had pulled into himself since their dinner at Christine's the night before.

Andy was standing by the French doors looking out at the beautiful view. There were miles of green grass and animals of all sorts grazing on it. He started to relax as he viewed the bucolic scenery. He'd been mostly quiet during the trip to Cork, rubbing his head occasionally, when they'd hit a pothole in the road and his head would ache. He wasn't sure where the headache came from, but it had been with him, varying in intensity since he had dinner at Christine's and she had shown him those pictures. He hadn't fallen and hit his head that he remembered but it sure did feel like it.

Hearing Connor's question, he turned to answer him, "Yeah, I'll be fine. Just going to take it easy and soak up some Irish farm atmosphere. Are you sure you can't stay and be my driver all the way through Ireland? Andy asked, wanting to spend more time with his new friend. He reminded him so much of Louie Provenza. "I'd of course pay for your room." He added, curious to see if the idea of free room and board would entice him like it would Provenza.

But Connor shook his head no. He was a homebody and didn't like to sleep away from his own bed. He had a cat named Ellie, with whom he lived or at least it felt like he lived with her instead of the other way around. As far as she was concerned she was the center of the universe and he was there for her benefit. Ellie was a Himalayan Persian cat that would miss him or perhaps it was the fresh catfish dinner, he would provide, he wasn't exactly sure. If he were gone overnight, Delia would feed her but only dry kibble she wouldn't put a catfish in a blender and give it to her like he would. "No, sorry. I'm needed back at Drury Court. Usually, I don't drive this far but Delia asked as a special favor. Can't say no to that woman. Don't know why" Connor said, rubbing his chin. "Come back and see us on your way back home. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Andy said, a little disappointed. It seemed Connor wasn't as much like Louie in personality as he looked. At least when it came to a free meal or anything free for that matter.

"Listen... I'm sorry, I'm old and set in my ways. Never liked sleeping away from home but you can ask about hiring a car so you can drive yourself or you can hire another driver. See you on your way back."

Andy nodded. "Thanks, Connor. "I'll probably hire someone. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the idea of the steering wheel on the right side driving situation. So, I'll hire someone that is familiar with it. That way I can pay attention to the scenery. After all, I am a tourist. That's what I'm here for, to enjoy the scenery."

"Okay, see ya." Connor left after shaking Andy's hand.

Andy watched the man leave then wandered to the dining area. There was a cup of tea and some scones waiting. He took a plate with a scone, a cup of clotted cream to dip it in, and a cup of decaffeinated orange spiced tea. He placed his snack on the table next to a comfortable patio chair and sat down. Once he was seated he drank his tea and ate his scone and then was joined by one of the cats that lived at the bed and breakfast. It was a longhaired Manx cat with tortoise shell coloring and very green eyes. The cat kneaded his leg and purred like a freight train. He petted her and she settled into his lap. He scratched her behind the ears. Occasionally she would close her eyes and purr louder when he hit a particularly good spot. "She likes you," said a voice near the garden.

Andy looked up and saw a woman pushing seventy, with brown eyes and an Irish complexion. She wore her silver-streaked hair in a pageboy bob, which was becoming on her. Her face was free of makeup and had very few wrinkles. She wore olive green cargo Capri pants and a yellow t-shirt with the slogan that said 'friends are flowers in the garden of life' with a picture of tulips and other flowers in a garden. She wore flip-flops on her feet. It was March, the temperature was at 65 degrees. Not quite warm enough for flip-flops in Andy's opinion, being from California and use to a much warmer climate. He figured it was like summer weather to her. "I like her too. She's a sweet cat. What is her name?"

"Her formal name is, The Rose of Sharon." Andy looked at her with a startled expression on his face. "What," she asked.

"Um... n… nothing," Andy said not really able to explain at that moment.

She gave him a speculative smile and finished what she was saying. "I call her Rosie. She is six-years-old and she's a Manx. See," she said pointing to the little bump at the base of the cat's spine. "She has no tail. She's friendly but she usually doesn't get on people's laps unless she feels comfortable with them. That usually takes at least a day but she took to you right away. Oh, by the way, my name is Mimi Callahan."

He looked from the cat to the lady standing before him and asked, "Hello, Mimi. Do you run this place alone?"

"Well, during the offseason I do but during the regular tourist season, I have a cook for the bed and breakfast and someone to help with the housekeeping. With the farm, I have help from family members. My sons Randy and Devlin help most consistently. My husband died five years ago of a massive heart attack . He had something called Cardiomyopathy . It was supposed to be something he could manage with medicine and reducing his workload . His doctors told him he needed to slow down , but He loved the farm and he wouldn't listen . You see the farm was always his passion . He ate slept and breathed it . She smiled sadly and blinked back tears of grief. It had been five years since Cormac's death ,but sometimes her grief was so strong it seemed like it was just yesterday.

Andy could sense her pain , he was feeling it too. In spite of how hard he knew it would be , he decided to share the details of Sharon's death with Mimi, since Mimis husband's and Sharon's deaths were so similar . Not the details but the overall cause .

First , he offered his heartfelt condolences, "I'm sorry, I know how that feels… losing a spouse, I mean. My wife ...died from the same thing , Cardiomyopathy . The doctors tried to get her to cut back and she was going to , but she ended up dying in the middle of an impromptu interragation , on the night she told her boss she was going on medical leave as of the very next day . She died doing what... she loved" he said and bowed his head to try to get control of his emotions . As he did so he realized he'd forgotten to formally introduce himself . He remembered talking to Mimi briefly when he checked in but his head hurt real bad , he guessed because he was so exhausted when he and Connor arrived . He barely remembered anything that was said . He was still exhausted but the snack and a chance to sit down to relax and unwind , was helping with the fatigue .

" By the way, my name is…" Andy started to say .

, "Andy Flynn, " she finished for him . I remember from checking you in. We're still in the off season and right now you're my only guest,so it's easy to remember one name . " Anyway , my Cormac died helping a cow give birth . He too died doing what he loved .I try to take comfort from that . " she swallowed her grief and tried to change the subject back to cats to help them both get their footing .

" As I was saying, I'm glad my Rosie has taken to you. She's been a great comfort to me , I'm glad that she can be that for you as well."

" Thanks . I love cats ,and I've always wanted one . We had one briefly when I was a kid , but it got run over by a car . I mourned for a quite a while and my mother decided not to let us get another one ..Then I grew up and got married and my first. wife was allergic to cats . So...that was that "

. "So you don't have any pets at home then? Mimi asked curiously.

"No, our… um… my… schedule didn't allow for it," Andy said regretfully. "I was a homicide cop and I never knew when I'd get home during a case. It's not a 9 to 5 job. I didn't want to put an animal through that. Now that I'm thinking about semi-retirement and doing some consulting for my friend's security firm, which is something I can do from home, I'm thinking seriously of getting a cat or a dog or both."

"There's nothing like the love of a pet. It's unconditional," Mimi said. Andy nodded in agreement , and went on petting the cat . Mimi watched him for a moment and then went about her gardening business. After a while, she gave him a sideways glance. "You said your wife died of a heart attack,did it happen very recently? "

"Two… and a… half... months ago . We'd only ...been married ... three weeks . " " Andy said haltingly, not really wanting to talk about it anymore , for fear of losing control, yet again . His emotions were still very close to the surface. The full brunt of his grief coming and going in waves. One minute he could talk about the details and not fall apart , the next minute a simple question would cause him to fall right back into the chasm of grief .

"Yes, I'd say that was very recent. I'm sorry for your loss, especially since it happened so soon after you were married . " she said sincerely.

"Thank you, I'm sorry for yours as well . " " Andy said in a gravelly voice and exhausted sigh .

Recognizing the depth of his grief , his profound fatigue , and how close he was to breaking down, Mimi left him alone for awhile. When she came back from gardening on the other side of the house she saw that he had fallen asleep.

As Andy slept he became aware of a persistent beep beep beep sound and the smell of hospital disinfectant. He felt something heavy on his thigh. He touched it and felt soft hair, which he rubbed between his fingers. He thought he heard the sound of his wife's voice as she said his name. "Andy?" He felt her hands on his face smelled a faint whiff of her perfume .

He tried to open his eyes but couldn't. "Wake up, Andy, please Darling." He heard Sharon say in a tremulous voice. Andy tried again to open his eyes but couldn't. A few moments later though, after the hospital sounds had receded he did open his eyes and to his disappointment found himself back on the patio with the pastoral landscape before him. He was sure it was a regressive memory from his or Sharon's time in the hospita"You were really asleep there for awhile," said Mimi who was kneeling on a cushion, on the other side of the patio from where she had started.

Andy ran his fingers through his hair and over his face and sighed, "Yeah, I guess I was." He continued with, "I was tired from traipsing through castles, I suppose." With a splitting headache, he thought to himself. Not wanting to elaborate further, he turned towards the table next to his chair, intending to clean up from his earlier snack and realized it had already been done. "Um, thanks," for cleaning up . " he mumbled.

"You're welcome, But Its part of the job " she said softly.

He asked still trying to clear the haze out of his head, "How long did I sleep?"

"Oh, about forty-five minutes or so." She stood and took off the dirty gardening gloves she was wearing as she asked, "Are you hungry? Supper is ready."

"Yeah, I could eat I guess. What's for supper?" Andy asked curiously.

Coming up to him on the porch Mimi said, "A vegetarian version of Shepherd's pie."

"Sounds good. Um… I'm not a strict vegetarian, by the way. I eat fish, turkey, eggs, and milk products," he said wanting to clarify his food choices. "You don't have to cater to my choices. I can find something to eat, whatever you serve."

She smiled graciously. "Good to know but being an owner of a B&B I have found that it's a good thing to have different choices available for my guests and to cater to their needs. Up to a point that is. You may be flexible either way, but not all my guests are as accommodating as you are."

"I can only imagine," Andy said chuckling. He winced as a sharp pain shot through his head for no apparent reason. He put his hand up to his temple and rubbed.

"Are you alright?" Mimi asked concerned.

He gave her a strained smile. "I'm fine, I've just been dealing with a persistent headache since last night. I'll be fine."

They made their way inside. "Well, go wash up and supper will be on the table when you get back. A good hearty meal will do your headache good."

Andy nodded his head carefully, so not to make the ache worse and went to his room to wash up. Once he was at the table, Mimi came over with a bottle of wine and asked if he wanted some. "Would you like some wine, Andy? I have…"

"No, thank you. I'm… in recovery. I'm an alcoholic," he said sitting back in the chair and looking Mimi in the eye.

"Really? So am I. I'm thirty-one years sober," Mimi said proudly, putting the bottle down and placing the cork back in it.

"Congratulations, I'm twenty-five years sober." He indicated with his hand that she should sit and visit. She put the bottle away and then sat across from him to finish her story.

"Thank you and congratulations to you as well. I… um was a social worker when I started drinking. I saw a lot of horrible things that people did to their families, throughout my career. I would drink a glass or two of whiskey after work, to unwind on particularly hard days. Before I knew it I was drinking before work and during my breaks. When my first husband left me and took my eight-year-old son, Randy because I was drinking too much, I went to my first AA meeting. I became sober and got my life back together. I quit my job as a social worker and became a manager at this very bed and breakfast. I finally got my son back when he was ten. It was ironic you know, I was a social worker taking other people's kids away from them because of their bad choices and the same thing ended up happening to me. I completely changed my career because, well… I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't face that darkness anymore but God was good to me. While working here, I met the sweetest man in the world. Cormac Callahan." She smiled fondly, as she spoke of her deceased husband."He was my friend Allison's brother. She and her husband owned this place and one other one in another town. He managed the farm and I managed the bed and breakfast part. After a couple of years of flirting and getting to know one another, he asked me to marry him. I said yes and all together we had thirty years, happily married, raising kids, his, mine, and ours. We bought this place from Allison and her husband ,right after we were married . We were so happy . When ...Cormac died… I… I almost fell off the wagon," she said, studying her hands.

"What stopped you?" Andy asked curiously.

Mimi visibly swallowed as she unconsciously rubbed her biceps with her forearms crossed, her elbows resting on the table. She looked out the window before she answered the question, sighing, "The thought of how disappointed Cormac would be if I drank. He'd feel as if it was all his fault and… I just couldn't do it, I couldn't drink. I know... I know you're supposed to stay sober for yourself but doing it for Cormac was easier for me," she shrugged a little.

That shrug reminded him of the way Sharon used to shrug and he swallowed before speaking. "That's the reason I stay sober now, as well. The thought of how disappointed my wife Sharon would be and how she would feel guilty. Her first husband was an alcoholic. He always blamed his drinking on her. He did a lot of damage to her self-esteem. She would feel sad and guilty too if I fell off the wagon because of grief over her death. Knowing that has kept me from drinking since she 's been ...gone ."

Hearing the name of Andy's wife gave Mimi a start like it had given Andy . She now understood his deer in headlights look when she had mentioned Rosie's fell name . She smiled apologetically even though she knew he'd probably forgotten the moment by now .

Hearing Mimi's story, so similar to his own made him realize he was not alone. Other people were in the same boat . It didn't lessen the pain of his loss but it did help his perspective and strengthened his resolve to stay sober. He gave her a brief rundown of his own sobriety story and then changed the subject. "You said your sons help with the farm, do they live here too?" Andy asked.

"No, but they live very close by, on the grounds but not here at the house. They are all married and have their own families. Cormac gave each of the children a tract of land and the means to build their own homes when they got engaged to their partners. My son Randy and Cormac's son, Devlin live over that hill," she pointed to a hill to their left. "Annie, our daughter and my grandchildren, Mandy and Ryan, live over that hill over there." She pointed to the right. "Mandy and Ryan help with the farm as well. Their school is just beyond here so, they leave home in their farm clothes, take care of their chores and then shower and change into their school clothes here, to go to school. We have a few sheep and one or two cows. Some geese and chickens, a few pigs, and a few horses. It's not as big a farm as some but it keeps us busy," she said in her husky Irish accent.

Andy nodded. "I bet it does," he said.

"Well, I'd better go clean up so I can get to bed at a decent hour or I'll be dragging my wagon in the morning," Mimi said nodding at him. "You enjoy the rest of your supper and I'll bring some pie out for you in a bit, which kind do you like?"

"What kind is available?" He asked with genuine interest.

Mimi smiled saying, "apple, cherry, and custard."

"They all sound good." He debated for a second before deciding, "I think I'll have the cherry, though. Thanks."

After eating his supper including the pie, Andy asked Mimi about a driver to take him to the tourist attractions available in Cork the next day. She gave him a single name, Stephen O'Flannery and his phone number. Andy thanked her and then went to his room to get ready for bed. After securing Stephen for the next day he went to bed and slept through the night.

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 **Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	8. Chapter 8

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 8**

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The next day Andy after sleeping well and his headache lessening he was ready to explore Cork. His driver arrived after breakfast. He was relatively young, about 30ish with shoulder length blonde wavy hair and a clean-shaven face. He had brown eyes framed with impossibly long lashes, wide cheekbones and a narrow jaw, a pale Irish complexion, and a friendly smile. He wore khakis and a green plaid shirt with a sweater. They introduced themselves and they were off to the Blarney Castle first. They walked through it together while Stephen told him what he knew about it, such as how old it was. It was six-hundred-years-old having been built in 1446. There had been two other structures on the same spot as the castle but they had either burnt down or were destroyed in some other way. This was the third building and it was built by The McCarthy, named Cormac. It was a stronghold with lovely grounds and has had tourists flocking to it for centuries.

Stephen took him all through it even encouraging him to kiss the Blarney Stone. Andy declined at first. He didn't feel his head was up to turning upside down but as he started to walk away he got a flash of memory or a vision, he wasn't sure which. It was like watching a movie . He could see Sharon and himself talking and hear what they were saying . Sharon was standing there before him in a comfortable pair of black jeans and a Kelly green sweater with a white blouse beneath it. Her collar, cuffs, and shirttails visible beneath the sweater that matched his, which brought out the green in her eyes. She wore black walking boots on her feet. Her auburn hair was pulled back at the sides into a fancy Irish hair comb and her bangs were dangling along her cheek. She wore her glasses. , she was smiling at him. He heard himself ask her, "Well, am I doing this?"

She tilted her head and fussed with his collar of his leather jacket. He also wore black jeans and a green sweater with a white shirt beneath it. "It depends on the reason you'd be doing it. Is it to impress me? Because Honey you impress me every day in a thousand different ways," she said her voice low and sexy as she placed her hand on his cheek and then his chest. "You don't have to bend backward on a ladder, off the side of a castle wall, to kiss a slab of ancient rock to impress me, Andy. Nor do you need the gift of eloquence. You've already got that in spades." She smiled at him and tilted her head to kiss him.

"I'm really glad to hear that," he said kissing her back. "What if there's another reason?"

"Hmmm, what would that be?" she asked curiously.

He asked smiling cheekily, "What is it they say? When in Ireland do what the Irish Do?"

"No, Andy they say, 'When in Rome do what the Romans do! You of all people should know that since you're half Italian," Sharon corrected, rolling her eyes at him.

"I do know that but we're not in Rome now are we?" he said smirking.

She gave a little shrug and said, "No, we're not," her shoulders slumping ever so slightly. She looked at him ruefully, blowing out her breath. She had hoped she could talk him out of it but seeing that he seemed to want to make the most of his Irish experience she smiled brightly at him and said, "Well then, go for it!" she encouraged him.

His vision of Sharon started to fade and Andy looked back at Stephen and said, "I guess I should do it while I'm here."

"Are you sure?" Stephen asked, knowing Andy was dealing with a headache since he'd mentioned it as the reason for his earlier decline of the experience. He was a little concerned about him. He knew Andy was newly widowed and after watching him a bit realized that he had been experiencing a visceral memory of his wife, having experienced the same phenomenon himself after his own wife had died in childbirth. Luckily his daughter Claire had survived and he at least had her to see every day.

He shrugged. "To be perfectly honest, no I'm not sure but I'm not getting any younger and this may be my last chance."

Stephen smiled at him and led him to the place he needed to be. Then he explained what he needed to do and Andy did it. He wavered a bit at first but overall, he successfully kissed the Blarney Stone while Stephen held on to him. When he straightened back up he could have sworn he heard Sharon's voice saying "Bravo!" clapping and whooping like she did for Provenza and Patrice when they got married the year before. He looked for her but she was nowhere to be found. His shoulders slumped in disappointment for a moment and then he got up heavily and followed Stephen to the car.

After Blarney castle they moved on to the Fota Wild animal park, eating lunch before they went in at a local café, then the Cork City Gaol, and the English market where they had dinner. With each new experience he tried to imagine Sharon experiencing it too. He often heard her in his head , oohing and ahhhing at a particularly beautiful or touching sight . After that , Andy had had enough. He still had a headache and he was exhausted. Stephen took him back to Mimi's bed and breakfast. Before getting out of the car, he asked Stephen to take him onto Limerick and County Clare the next day and he agreed. Once Andy paid him, Stephen left and Andy went to his room to start packing. Once Andy had put everything in his suitcase, he climbed into bed and was asleep in minutes. He was only marginally aware of the cat getting into bed with him and snuggling up against him.

The next morning Andy said his goodbyes to Mimi and Rosie the cat, thanking Mimi for her hospitality and promising to come back on his way back to Dublin. It was hard leaving Rosie behind, they had bonded so well together. She had been a real comfort to him as had Mimi. Then he got in the car and left Cork behind.

Once in Limerick, Stephen took him to King John's castle, where they saw kayakers floating near the castle, which was huge. They toured the castle, that was cold and not furnished but very interesting then went to lunch at the café, and toured St. Mary's Cathedral then went to the Hunt Museum. Afterward, it was on to County Clare and the bed and breakfast called Cliff View Farm Bed and Breakfast, run by Siobhan and Mark O'Brien.

Andy watched as they approached the property. He saw a very large sprawling two-story house made of yellow stucco and regular stone. There was a double wooden door entrance with a canopy overhang , and two massive pillars supporting it. There were lots and lots of windows on either side of the double door. The roof was grey and had solar panels in various places. The ocean could be heard behind the house. On either side of the home, there were signs of a working farm. There were a few trees nearby, two massive weeping willows framed the house, one on either side. A circular driveway completed the picture.

When they arrived Siobhan and Mark came out onto the front patio to meet him. Siobhan was beautiful, with red hair down past her shoulders brown eyes framed with long eyelashes ,faint freckles across her beautifully sculpted nose and a beautiful smile. She had a nice figure and wore a blue sleeveless shell with a matching blue sweater ,a pair of dark blue jeans and sandals. Her husband Mark was handsome with brown hair, brown eyes, and a welcoming grin. He wore faded blue jeans a blue button-down shirt with a denim jacket and work boots. He was dressed for working on the farm ,which he had been . He always tried to be there with Siobhan to greet the new guests , however , and then he went back to his chores . . "Welcome to Cliff View Farm Bed and breakfast," she said greeting him in her lilting Irish Accent. My name is Siobhan and this is my husband Mark."

Andy reached out and shook both their hands and introduced himself, "Andy Flynn."

"Welcome, Andy. Delia told us a lot about you," said Mark.

"She mentioned you to me as well," Andy said smiling. "She's very special, Delia is."

"Delia is very special to us too. I lost my mother at a very young age and Delia became a mother figure to me almost from the time I met her. We um... worked together for a long time. Now she's a grandmother figure to our kids. All five of them and she officiated at our wedding. She is a licensed minister as well as a concierge and well let's just say she wears a lot of hats."

Andy smiled an amazed smile. Five kids was a lot in this day and age. He was not surprised to hear that Delia was a licensed minister, she had a peaceful way about her. He said, "she spoke very highly of you with a great deal of fondness."

Siobhan smiled back at him, delighted by his observation and got down to business, saying, "Usually we try to match the rooms with the guests before they get here. But since you're our only guest so far, you have a choice of where you'll stay. There are a few rooms available here in the main house or you can stay over there." She pointed to a stone cottage not far from the main house.

It looked to be a little bigger than one room and maybe a loft and a bathroom. It was built completely of stone and had a red painted door. It also had a fireplace. It looked quaint and if Sharon had been with him, he would have opted for that, but without her… well…

Siobhan watched the different emotions play out on his face and went on. "It's close enough to the house but with more privacy than you'd get with five children running said with a chuckle . Her children were good kids .But five kids could generate a lot of noise , no matter how well behaved they were . Most of the time single people or honeymooners , preferred to stay in the cottages . Families with children were usually the ones that booked the rooms within the house itself .

Andy rubbed the back of his neck and said, a little sheepishly . "If it's all the same to you, I'd like to stay in the house. Having the children around will actually be a welcome distraction. I'd… rather not… be alone right now. If it doesn't work out I could always try the cottage, if… that's okay.

"That's fine and perfectly understandable." Siobhan said Delia had mentioned how hard Andy was taking his wife's recent passing , and she could see it for herself that it was still very true .

" Do you know how long you plan on staying?"

"Well, no, my itinerary is a bit open ended at the moment . Is that a problem?" Andy asked.

"No, it's just that its mid-March and our busy season starts in late April, people are starting to call for reservations , I'll need to know what to book for other people and what to keep open." She shrugged apologetically.

"I'll let you know on Friday, if that okay?"

"Yes, it's fine." As she said this, Siobhan noticed Stephen putting Andy's luggage on the patio and looking at her expectantly. "The blue room, Stephen," she said and turned to show the way. He nodded with a smile as they all followed her.

Andy had his carry on but Stephen had both the suitcases. Andy tried to take one but Stephen wouldn't let him. So Andy just followed them. As they were leaving to go inside , Mark excused himself to go back to his chores in the barn , waving as he left .

It was not surprising to Andy that his new room was painted blue and had blue and white decorative accents. The bed quilt and pillows were different shades of blue, ranging from baby blue to teal and turquoise to navy and cobalt blue. The sheer curtains matched the pillows and quilt in color . The pictures on the wall had to do with the sea and seashells and a boat in the water.

It was a very restful room, Andy decided. He walked over to the French doors, that led to a semi-private glass-covered patio. The space held a great deal of charm with tan Rattan chairs whose cushions matched the quilt and a glass-topped table. From the patio, he could see the ocean and to his left, in the distance, he could see the beginning of the Cliffs of Moher. On the right, a little ways away he could see the farms animal stock grazing. He saw two beautiful gypsy cob horses with long manes and sturdy bodies. One was a crème color with splotches of white and the other had roan coloring and splotches of white and black. There were also a couple of Morgans an Appaloosa and a Palomino. There were sheep and a couple of cows as well. The lawn was a carpet of rich green grass as far as the eye could see in any direction except for straight ahead where there was a strip of sand and the ocean about a half mile from the house.

As he watched the rolling ocean he saw a couple emerge from around the bend, in the ground. They were laughing. The woman bent at the waist laughing uproariously at something the man with her said. He had silver hair, like Andy's own and a similar build. She had dark auburn hair that fell to her shoulders, she was built like Sharon, tall but petite in frame. Everything about her screamed Sharon. The couple stopped to look out over the water, his arm was around her shoulders, her arm was around his lower back .As the sun began to set over the ocean they turned to each other and kissed. Andy blinked back tears of grief and sadness, and when he looked again the couple was gone. He rubbed his temple to try and ease away the tension of another building headache. Clearing his throat he turned realizing that Siobhan and Stephen were talking. "Well, Stephen, how is little Claire?"

He shook his head but smiled. "Full of energy and wanting to spend time with Tess."

Knowing full well how kids could be , Siobhan asked, "Why not bring her over tomorrow when you come to get Andy? They can have a playdate?"

"That would be great but are you sure she won't be any trouble?" Stephen looked relieved that it would make his daughter happy.

Siobhan scoffed. "Of course, I'm sure. I've known that wee one since she was a baby, she's never any trouble and Delia will be here for a visit tomorrow, she'll help me keep track of them. We'll plan a tea party and I'll have Maggie make some treats for them."

"Claire will be in heaven. She thinks of this place as her second home and all of you as an extended part of her family," Stephen said, grateful for Siobhan and Mark's kindness.

"We think of the both of you the same way. Have you had supper yet?" Siobhan asked the two men.

"No, actually we haven't. Andy wanted to get settled here and I have to get home to my wee one," Stephen said.

They said their goodbyes, firmed up plans for the next day and Stephen left in his SUV. Then Siobhan suggested Andy get washed up for dinner and explained how to get to the dining room.

Andy did just that and joined the O'Brien family for his first meal at Cliff View.

 **TBC...**

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 **Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	9. Chapter 9

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 9**

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Andy enjoyed the O'Brien family dinner very much. They ate in the kitchen, at a big trestle table. The food was served family style, with bowls of vegetables and platters of meat. Tonight they had turkey, Andy was delighted. It was his favorite. As they ate the O'Brien children all at various ages, from teenagers, Reilly and Jamie, to five-year-old Aiden, and tiny three-year-old Tess peppered Andy with questions about where he was from and what he did. Smiling happily, he answered their questions and told them of his and Provenza's less riske' adventures. Being careful to filter out undesirable details that weren't for children's ears.

Reilly, Jamie, and Aiden all had dark curly hair, Reilly and Jamie had dark eyes as well. Aiden's eyes were dark blue almost violet. Reilly's hair was worn long, falling below her shoulder blades. It was mahogany colored and was wavy and luxurious. She was beautiful and very intelligent. Jamie was tall and gangly, he had freckles and big brown eyes. His hair was dark and curly, he was all elbows, knees, and teeth but Andy knew he would end up looking handsome like his da. Cam was quiet and introspective, strawberry-blonde and blue-eyed like his youngest sister. He had a sturdy build and was barrel-chested with a ruddy complexion.

The three oldest children were very grown up and asked intelligent questions. Tess and Aiden were adorable little minxes and as comfortable in the company of adults as they were with children their own age. Tess was a tiny version of her mother, except with strawberry-blonde hair, cut into a pageboy with bangs. Her eyes were the color of the sky on a sunny day. She had a tiny button nose and a smile for everyone she met. They all greeted him with respect and asked him questions about what he did for a living. He told them he was a policeman. He, in turn, asked them about their studies and aspirations for the future.

Reilly said, "I want to be a doctor and research how to help people who have Alzheimer's disease. My Da's mam had it and she didn't even know us when she died. It made me sad so I want to stop it from hurtin other people."

Andy was impressed. He asked her a few questions, said some encouraging words, and then looked questioningly at Jamie. "I want to be a pilot in the Royal Airforce," said Jamie. Andy smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up. He spoke to him about airplanes versus jets and asked some questions about speed and what made jets more desirable than a plane. Then he looked to Cam.

"I want to be a farmer like my Da," Cam said.

"I'm sure you'll be a good one," Andy told him and asked him what his favorite part of living on a farm was.

"That's easy!" Cam said, "the animals!"

"I want to be a policeman and wear a big shiny badge and carry a gun, like you," said Aiden looking up at Andy with adoration. Andy smiled at him and ruffled his hair, wistfully thinking of the innocence of youth-focused only on the romance of the job, the chance to be a hero, not the nuts and bolts, and the horrors policeman encountered every day. While he was flattered that Aiden wanted to emulate him, he hoped that it was just a passing fancy. While he had loved being a policeman, it had been hard on him and his family. The horrors that he encountered, the results of man's inhumanity to man, had sent him into alcoholism. It had not been the only reason he had become an alcoholic but it had been a very large contributing factor.

He then turned to Tess, "and what do you want to be Miss Tess?"

"I want to be a ballehwena" said Tess and spun in place clumsily.

Andy chuckled at her mispronunciation of ballerina and her attempt at a pirouette. He leaned down and whispered conspiratorially. "I know a real ballerina," he told her.

Tess's eyes got real big and she threw her hands over her mouth in shock and excitement. "You doooo?!"

"Yes, I do. Her name is Emily and she's my… my daughter." He had been about to call her his step-daughter but in truth, he loved her as if she was his daughter by blood.

"Weally?"

"Weally… I mean really," Andy said, shaking his head slightly in amusement. Looking up at Siobhan he asked, "do you have a fax machine and a printer here?"

She nodded as she answered, "Yes."

"May I use it later?" He whispered.

"Of course you may." Siobhan had a pretty good idea of why he needed it. She smiled at his kindness toward her children and how he seemed to be enchanted by her wee daughter. "You're a good man, Andy," She said fondly.

He closed his eyes and sighed. Andy remembered Sharon telling him that when he had offered to take Rusty and his mother to dinner when she got off the bus from Bakersfield. That hadn't ended up happening, of course since Sharon Beck hadn't shown up but his Sharon had been touched by his offer and he and Sharon had become a step closer as friends. His throat suddenly felt as if it had an emotional knot in it the size of a baseball because of the effort it took not to cry in front of Siobhan and the children. The grief came over him like the waves of an ocean, washing over him without warning. He'd been perfectly fine talking to the children while they ate and then Siobhan had inadvertently opened the floodgates simply by saying those five words and he was back into the pit of despair. He wondered how long it would be before words he had heard her say or smelling her perfume or hearing someone snort laugh or seeing a gesture that reminded him of her wouldn't make him immediately want to cry or rage against the cruel fate that was his life since she had died and left him alone. He didn't want to wallow in his grief. He knew he had to get on with life but… it was so hard. They had been so in love, so happy…

"Thanks, I'm… I'm sorry I… um... I need to be excused," he said and got up to go to his room to try to pull himself together.

Concerned, Siobhan followed him and stopped him from going into his room with her voice, "Andy… it will get better and remember what Delia told you. Things… are not always what they seem. Sometimes, we have to go through trials to learn life's lessons and in some cases, we have to go through these trials in order to t… teach others as well as ourselves."

Andy turned and looked at her with a confused look on his face. "What do you mean exactly? Things are not what they seem? What kind of lessons and whom am I suppose to teach?"

Siobhan put a slender hand on his upper arm and patted it. Another gesture reminiscent of Sharon. "Andy, I can't explain right now but, as things um… unfold it will become more clear. Just know that God loves you and he's with you throughout all of the grief."

"Yes well, I'm not sure I'm a fan of God right at the moment," he said with bitterness. "He took my beautiful wife after only three weeks of being married! We were so in love! So Happy but now she's gone and it's so hard not to be angry! I don't know who to be the most angry with! Her for ignoring the signs her heart was failing, in lieu of getting the murderer to confess or our squad, for putting that suspect in her office with her, to begin with or God for taking her!"

Siobhan stood before Andy and tried to make eye contact with him. She had spoken to Sharon on the phone several times when they were trying to figure out the best time for her and Andy to come for their honeymoon. She'd been deeply saddened when Delia had told her about Sharon's death and Andy's devastating grief. "Are you angry with Sharon because you think she brought this on herself?" asked Siobhan calmly, trying to help Andy sort out his thoughts and feelings.

Andy opened and then closed his mouth. Frustrated and more than a little flustered at the bold question, he turned from her and walked over to the French doors to look outside while he tried to sort out what he was feeling. He saw the horse corral from this angle. As he watched he saw a couple getting ready to ride some horses. The woman was already on her horse, the man was down on the ground trying to get up on his horse, which was several hands high and skittish. He was having a difficult time, and she was trying not to laugh. It was the same couple he'd seen on the beach when he first arrived and was being shown his room.

As he watched the couple he felt again like he was watching a movie starring he and Sharon . Like a memory unfolding, he watched as the woman , Sharon. , snort laughed as she watched the man , him , trying valiantly to mount the horse that was way to large for him. Was he experiencing a daydream of what he wished had happened? It seemed more like a memory than a daydream. He wasn't sure which it was. He turned away from the doors not being able to bear their happiness.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as he spoke. "I don't know, exactly. I mean, she loved her job so much, she couldn't seem to let go. Sometimes I think she loved the job more than she loved her own life or even me! She was talking on the phone to Provenza about the case we were working on , right after she woke up from getting the procedure that put the defibrillator/pacemaker in," Andy scoffed, ironically. Throwing up his hands in agitation, he said in a strangled voice, "and what a waste of time that was! In the end, it didn't even matter! Being electronically connected to her doctor didn't save her! Because in the end, she ignored the calls from her doctor she ignored the pain and kept doing what she was doing. The doctors told her she needed to slow down, she needed to rest to prepare herself for her transplant. She **said** she was going to take a medical leave of absence and go through with the transplant in spite of her reservations about it. In reality, her attitude was that if she couldn't live her life doing the things she loved, then it wasn't worth living and that was never more true than that night. She couldn't resist one last time goading a suspect into a confession **and it killed her!"** he said, his arms flayed out in frustration. Feeling the tears and the sobs welling up, he excused himself again and quickly walked the few remaining steps to his room and closed the door to grieve without an audience.

Siobhan bowed her head and prayed for him. He was carrying so much grief and anger. She hoped that being here with the children and the animals from the farm would help assuage some of his pain. She was glad Delia was coming to visit for the weekend. She needed Delia's wisdom and spiritual guidance to help her help Andy. After finishing up her prayer, Siobhan left the hallway outside Andy's room to go back and help with clean up from dinner, and explain Andy's abrupt exit to her children.

That night, Andy awoke suddenly to the sound of hissing, sucking, and beeping. It didn't take long for him to realize he couldn't move. Even worse his body felt like it was weighed down. As much as he tried to call out for help he couldn't talk, actually, he could barely even swallow. With all he had in him, Andy tried to open his eyes but they wouldn't give, not even a crack. His heart rate accelerated, in a last chance to help himself he attempted to lift his hand to remove what was scratching his raw throat but neither arm would respond to his commands.

Andy could feel the panic building inside as he thought, What the hell was going on ?

 **TBC...**

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Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.


	10. Chapter 10

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 10**

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Andy knew raising his blood pressure wouldn't be good no matter what was happening, so to calm himself he took a shallow breath. That sharp gasp caused more noises. He listened intently, the sounds surrounding him were vaguely familiar. Having experienced them before ,he knew they were a respirator and heart monitor. His throat felt full like there was something in it. He could feel her hand in his, felt her head on his thigh as she slept. He still could not open his eyes fully but he smelled her unique perfume and knew she was there. Wasn't she dead or... was it he that was near death? Was that what was happening here? He was the one dying? Not Sharon? Was he hallucinating?

"Andy, Honey wake up for me. Would you please? I know you think I can survive without you but I can't! , and what's more, I don't want to! Please, Andy, come back to me!" Sharon begged him. She had been sleeping lightly when she felt Andy's body shift. She heard a noise come from his throat that sounded like. "Sharon?" but with the tube down his throat, she couldn't tell for sure.

"That's right, Darling, I'm here, wake up! There so much more that we have to do together!" Sharon cried excited to see some movement and hear him trying to say her name but then his eyes fluttered all the way closed and his body settled. Sharon's shoulders slumped with disappointment.

Their night nurse, whose name was Marjorie came in to check Andy's vitals and to check on Sharon who was also her patient. She was a middle aged woman about 5'3", with a two tone page boy. Her eyes were a warm brown and she had high cheekbones and a square jaw She wore scrubs that had moons and stars on them .She had a sweet smile and a soothing voice .

. "Mrs. Flynn, Sharon… you need to rest and it's best that you do it in your own bed. It's the middle of the night darlin," she said in her lilting Irish accent.

Sharon nodded tearfully . "I know, Marjorie but I couldn't sleep and I wanted to be close to him. I talked Kelly the evening nurse into letting me rest in the recliner , beside him . Then, he became restless and he was making sounds like he was trying to talk. I think he was trying to say my name and I was trying to encourage him to wake up. I'm sorry if I was loud but I was trying to make him hear me," Sharon's voice broke.

Marjorie smiled at her with understanding. She checked Andy's vitals, to see if he had come out of the coma for a little while like Sharon seemed to think he had. She , Marjorie, had been tending to another patient when she heard Sharon crying out . Andy's blood pressure and heart rate were elevated, indicating that at least for a few moments he had started to come out of the coma. His eye movements were rapid, his fingers twitched, but for the most part, he seemed to have slipped back into the coma . Marjorie sighed, because she was really pulling for this couple. Sharon had told her , earlier that evening , of the couples trials over the last year . Dating not dating. Andy's accident with the car during work , his blood clot , and subsequent heart attack . Her bout with the flu , and her own health scare that turned out to be nothing more than chronic dehydration due to a relapse of the flu . Now this freak accident had threatened both Sharons and Andy's life after only a few months of being married. After all the other things that had happened over the last year to get in the way of their happiness. This couple deserved a break.

"Well, he does seem to have surfaced to consciousness for a few minutes but he's back under now. Come darlin, let's get you back in bed," Marjorie said as she unlocked Sharon's braces and eased her back into a wheelchair

."Did you get up yourself or did you have help standing up ? "Marjorie asked

"I did it myself . It was a struggle but I held onto the side rails on Andy's bed .I was just glad that Kelly hadn't had a chance to take my braces off yet . That helped . "

" You were taking an awful chance , you could have fallen and hurt yourself worse . "Marjorie scolded .

" I know , but he was trying to say my name ... and I wanted him to know I was there ! " Sharon explained with a guilty expression on her face .

" I understand darlin , but standin up on your own isn't safe for you right now . Please call for help , from now on .Promise me ! "

Sharon tried to restrain herself from groaning in frustration and rolling her eyes .

"Alright , Marjorie , I promise I won't try to stand up without help anymore . "

"Well, I expect you to keep that promise. " Marjorie said matter of factly as she pushed Sharon over to her own bed right next to Andy's. Before they actually got her in bed, she asked Sharon if she needed to go to the jacks. Sharon looked at her with a confused expression on her face but then the context of the question and the fact that Marjorie had pointed to the bathroom, clued her in and she said yes, so they took care of that , and then went back to Sharon's bed . She transferred Sharon from the chair to her bed , taking note of how pale Sharon became when putting her weight , slight as it was on her feet . Sharon's lips were pressed together and she became a little clammy , also her eyes closed , in an effort to take herself mentally to a place beyond the pain she was feeling . Once she was in bed she relaxed as well as she could ,considering Sharon's legs were in braces . She had gotten her right foot caught trying to get off her horse, in a hurry to help Andy when he was thrown from his horse during a horseback ride they were on. Her horse had then picked that Very moment to rear and throw her , wrenching her back , pulling her right leg out of the socket and fracturing her left hip that she landed on .In spite of the terrible pain she was in , she had pulled herself the six feet that separated her from Andy and had made the call for help . She had then lost consciousness her head pillowed on Andy's arm . She had sustained several cuts and abrasions not to mention bee stings from the fall , as well, that added to her misery .Marjorie admired her stoicism but was worried that Sharon was ignoring her own needs to concentrate on Andy.

She tucked Sharon into bed, attended to her scrapes and bruises and stings , removed the braces , for better sleep , then checked the elasticity of her skin on her arm. Her lips pursed in displeasure. She gave Sharon a look that made her squirm and know that she was about to get a lecture. Marjorie poured a glass of water from a plastic pitcher on the nightstand next to the bed and handed it to Sharon. "You are dehydrated again , young lady, you haven't been drinkin or eatin enough to keep a bird alive. Drink that, all of it , or I'm goin to have to start an IV, again."

Sharon groaned, "but Marjorie, I'll just have to go to the bathroom again and I can't get there by myself. . I hate to bother you. You've got so many other patients to attend to."

"Don't you go worryin about botherin me. Helpin patients is what I'm here for. Drink up, now!" Marjorie looked pointedly at the cup and Sharon shrugged then drank all of the water. Marjorie took the cup from her and poured more in then she handed it back to her. Sharon looked at her with exasperation. Marjorie did not back down. She folded her arms over her chest and stared her down. Finally, Sharon rolled her eyes and drank more of the water.

"Don't blame me if you're back in here in ten minutes," Sharon said with an edge to her voice. She tried to get comfortable In the bed , but t was difficult . "

Marjorie stood beside her bed and leaned on the railing .

"Darlin, this ward is pretty quiet at night. There are only two other patients and they are both in comas like yer man over there . Actually, takin care of you keeps me from bein bored and gettin sleepy. It gets so quiet and the beepin machines can lull you to sleep, especially if you are knackered… um, you'd say tired." Marjorie amended when she saw the confused expression on Sharon's face for the second time that night. "I'm glad Delia suggested keepin you in here after you woke up."

"You know Delia?" Sharon asked, surprised.

"I do know Delia .We've known each other for ages. I have family that stays at the hotel she works at here in Dublin, when they visit me. They live in Scotland and my brother has a daughter that is highly allergic to cats. I have six, so they can't stay with me..."

"Dublin ? We're in Dublin ?! I thought we were in County Clare !"

"Yes we're in Dublin darlin. You were brought here after the accident ."

"Ohhh." Sharon blinked at her ,"...and Delia was with us in County Clare ? "

Delia was visitin Siobhan at Cliffview for the weekend, so she accompanied you and your husband to the hospital after you fell off your horses, so that Siobhan could stay with the children . They were pretty upset . They are very fond of you two . Anyway , Delia sat with you for a couple of days while you were unconscious. She needed to sleep for awhile but she'll be back tomorrow . She suggested we keep you two together. Don't you remember?"

Sharon blinked at her again , trying to recall anything she mentioned. "I remember Delia being there when I woke this morning but after she told me what was going on with Andy, I wasn't... any good. I… I fell apart," she said, her face crumbling with renewed grief. Then thinking about what Marjorie had said about her being unconscious, she asked, "I was unconscious too?"

"Well yes,for several days . They operated on your right leg putting it back in the socket , and put a pin in your left leg because of the fracture , the same day you were brought in . You were put in a medically induced coma to help you heal . , If your pain continues to be bad they'll be doing laser surgery on your back."

"They did surgery on me ? "

Marjorie nodded .

" Do you remember anythin about the accident, Sharon?" Marjorie asked.

Sharon tried to think back, through a haze she started to put pieces of her broken up memories together. "It was the last day of our honeymoon. We went horseback riding and we had a lovely picnic on the beach. It w… was a perfect way to end our honeymoon trip. We'd seen all the castles, Andy kissed the Blarney Stone, We met my cousin Christine and her family. We wanted to have a picnic and try to revisit o… our youth by going horseback riding. We'd seen the horses from our window in the cabin on the Cliffview property and wanted to try riding again. We both had some experience on horses when we were young,. Only, Andy had a bit of trouble getting up on the first horse he picked .I remember I tried really hard not to , but I... I laughed at him." Her eyes were wet with tears , and her voice broke as she said those words.

"Ahh Darlin , I'm sure he didn't mind . "Marjorie crooned , wanting to comfort her patient .

Sharon smiled through her tears . " No , he was laughing too . A little . But I could tell he was getting a bit frustrated because the horse kept side stepping , and wouldn't let him mount . His name was Irish Devil he was a Morgan , and he was huge; about 20 hands high and really wide across the withers . Andy had picked him because of his name . Mark saw that he was having trouble and brought over the horse he had picked for Andy .His name was Jacks Irish Whiskey, He was an Appaloosa . Andy hadn't wanted to ride him because his name was Jack , which was my exes name . He wasn't quite so tall , only about 16 hands high , and not as wide at the withers . He was also not as skittish as Irish Devil ."

"What was your horses name ? "

Sharon shrugged ."Baileys Irish Dream. She was a um ... I believe she was called a Paint .She was beautiful. "As Sharon spoke she fiddled with her hands .

" Mark said both the horses were docile and easy to manage . Which they seemed to be .He put us through a mini horseback riding course before he'd let us take them out on our own. We did very well, all afternoon but then, on our way back to Cliffview , we had to go through a narrow passage of rocks and bushes , coming up from the beach .Andy turned his horse to say something , I don't even remember what it was he said , as he was turning back The flank of his horse knocked over a rotted tree and disturbed a nest of bees and suddenly all hell broke loose! His horse reared and Andy was so surprised he didn't have a firm grip on the reins and the horse threw him. When I saw what was happening I tried to get off my horse but my foot got stuck in the stirrup and I couldn't get off, then my horse screamed and reared, and I was thrown off. I remember dragging myself across the distance between us, it was slow and it seemed to take forever. My hips all the way down my legs and my back felt like they were on fire , the pain was soo bad ! but I finally managed it! I remember calling Mark on my cell phone… then…" she spread her hands, palms up. "Everything went black and I don't remember how we got here."

Marjorie patted her shoulder to soothe her. "Mark had you medavaced to the hospital here in Dublin. It's a bigger hospital than the one in County Clare, and The two of you had a better chance at survival here . "

Sharon nodded in understanding .

" When all this was happening did you feel yourself being stung?"Marjorie asked , wanting to see how much more Sharon recalled

Sharon tried to remember but shook her head no. "I was soo focused on getting to Andy and honestly the pain from my back and legs were too overpowering , but I suppose it makes sense that we were stung. There were bees everywhere ! "

Her nurse asked concerned, "Are you allergic to bee stings?"

She thought about it for a second. "Not that I know of , but I suppose being stung multiple times could have changed that ."

"What about Andy ? "

" I.. um don't know . He never said that he was ."

Making sure to take care of all on her patient's,needs , Marjorie talked as she worked. "Well, you both got stung as did your horses. Mark didn't know if you were allergic or not, but he gave you both a shot from an epi-pen just in case. You'd both been stung many times and Andy was in respiratory distress. He used the epi-pen and did CPR on Andy. He saved his life."

Sharon stared at her husband sadly as she said, "but he's in a coma…"

"Yes, and that is because of hittin his head . When you were operated on , they put you in a medically induced coma so you could heal . His coma was not medically induced , but sometimes our bodies put us in a coma to give us time to heal . "

"Oh , yeah, right." Sharon bowed her head in grief and then looked the nurse in the eye. "Will he wake up Marjorie?"

"We hope so. He still has brain activity and reflexes, so he has a good chance. We just don't know when… or if… it will happen anytime soon and…" Marjorie's voice was serious as she explained, "Sharon, he's bein taken off life support darlin. I'm not sure when . The doctors just found out about the DNR. You were unconscious and couldn't tell us, and the computers were down until this mornin."

Sharon nodded tearfully. "He wouldn't want to be kept alive by machines ,and neither would I."

"Just remember, darlin, when they take him off life support if he doesn't come to, remember the stories of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty," Marjorie said gravely.

Once again confused Sharon asked, "Pardon me, Sleeping Beauty? Snow White? Marjorie , What are you talking about?"

Marjorie looked around furitively and bit her lip . Then she asked with a gentle prodding tone , "How did Sleeping beauty wake up? How did Snow White?"

"Ohhhhh, well, with a kiss ...of course " Sharon asked tentatively.

"Hmm hmm. Sooo." Marjorie tilted her head and watched Sharon as she connected the dots in her head.

As the nurse's idea hit her Sharon still questioned, "Soo , You think I should give him a kiss? Once the respirator is out?"

"Well, it couldn't hurt but make sure it's a real kiss darlin " She smiled broadly. "Not a peck on the lips, but a breathy, tongue meetin tongue, bring him back to this world, let him know what he's missin kind of kiss."

Sharon blinked at her again, and smiled back "You really think kissing him on the mouth will bring him back?" she asked.

Marjorie raised her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side . She looked Sharon straight in the eye and said with all seriousness .

"I can't make any promises, darlin' but in my business, I've seen stranger things happen , It's worth a try, . A kiss, whether it's a goodbye, my love , or hello welcome back, this is what you'll be missing if you don't come back , kind of a kiss, isnt going to hurt. She adjusted the blanket covering Sharon . "Make sure you keep talkin' to him too."

"I've been talking to him. Almost non-stop. At least until I fell asleep, and then when I woke up to his restlessness ." Sharon said sadly.

Marjorie placed her hand on Sharon's shoulder and smiled as she said, "and when you do , his heart rate picks up. Not a lot, mind you but a significant amount. "

"It does?" Sharon asked , surprised but pleasantly so.

Nodding, Marjorie smiled at the hopeful look in the exhausted woman eyes. She knew everyone needed a little hope to hang on to and after everything this newlywed couple had been through, hope might be all they have.

"Now darlin , get some sleep." Marjorie said and turned off the lights as she walked out of the door of the cubicle .

 **TBC...**

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 **Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	11. Chapter 11

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 11**

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Andy opened his eyes and found himself back at Cliffview. He groaned, which was odd because at least in Cliffview he was free to move about. When he woke up to the hissing beeping noises of the hospital room he was confined in a bed and was on a respirator but in that reality, he could hear Sharon's voice, smell her perfume, and feel her touch. He missed her so much his chest hurt. He felt hot wet tears run down the side of his face and he wiped them away then hauled himself out of bed to get ready for the day. It was 7:30 and he knew Stephen would be there at 9:30 in the morning to pick him up to take him to Bunratty castle and the folk park. The last castle on his itinerary.

When he arrived in the kitchen for breakfast, dressed and ready for the day, he found it and the O'Brien family waiting. On the way to breakfast, he had stopped in the office and asked to use the phone and the fax machine. He had called Emily who was on her lunch break from rehearsals, told her about little Tess and her friend Claire and asked for some autographed pics of her. He gave her the fax number and she sent them. "How are you doing Andy?" Emily asked once she had sent the autographed photos through the fax machine.

Andy thought for a moment and decided to tell her the truth. "I'm… doing… okay. Don't get me wrong, I've had some bad moments, last night was a real rough one, I'm not sure why exactly. Nothing happened other than someone said something your mother has said to me in the past. I'm fine right now but a gesture that reminds me of her, a word, the smell of her perfume.… that's all it takes to send me into a tailspin."

Emily hummed much like Sharon would have and his heart clenched. "I know. That happens to me too, Andy. My Aunt Judy came to see me dance the other day. She squealed when I opened the door of my dressing room and she sounded so much like mom did, it brought tears to my eyes. She also wears the same perfume mom did. When I mentioned it and she saw it was affecting me she apologized. She said that she'd been wearing it for years and that mom had asked about it so she had given her some for Christmas one year. She then told me my… performance was marvelous and that mom would have been so proud and so… thrilled at my success and I just… I lost it!" She said her voice on the verge of breaking. Then she swallowed and continued her thought. Andy's chest felt tight again, hearing the pain in Emily's voice. "As long as I am dancing, I get lost in the music and the story I am portraying and… I'm fine but when the m… music stops and… well, let's just say… when the music stops I'm not fine anymore. I know, it will get easier with time but it… it hasn't yet."

"I'm sorry, Em, I should have tried harder to make her listen to me," Andy said, feeling like it was his fault that Emily had lost her mother.

Emily could hear the hurt he was carrying. "It's not your fault, Andy. If it hadn't happened when it did, it would probably have happened a little later. I guess mom's heart condition was far worse than any of us or even she knew and she was stubborn. You couldn't have made her do anything she didn't want to do."

"I know but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I should have tried harder. Well, anyway thanks for the pictures."

"It was my pleasure! Goodbye, Andy."

"Bye, Em and ahhh… Em?"

"Yes, Andy?" She questioned back.

He hesitated then said, "I … um… I love you."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment then Em said softly, "thank you, Andy. I love you too. You made my mom the happiest she's ever been and for that alone, I'll love you forever but in the few years that I've known about you and mom, you've been a real father to me and I hope that won't end now that mom is… g… gone."

"It won't. You are my family now. You, Ricky, and Rusty as well as my own children."

Emily smiled though she knew Andy couldn't see. "Great! Thank you. Oh, I've got to go, rehearsals are starting up again."

"Goodbye, Em." After speaking to Emily, Andy made a few more calls and received a few more pictures. Once he was done he took the pics into the kitchen and gave them to the children . They all thanked him, profusely . Tess gave him a big sloppy kiss . Besides the pic of Emily , there were pics of the boys favorite baseball players , and Reilly's favorite football player Aaron Rogers . Siobhan smiled and thanked him then offered to hold them until after breakfast. She knew her children best and she told him that if they were given out during breakfast somebody would spill something and ruin them.

Andy looked at the table and saw a real Irish breakfast laid out. He had seen various versions of it throughout Ireland. A rasher of bacon, eggs, sausage, and black and white pudding (sausage mixed with oatmeal and pork blood), some potatoes, tomatoes, onions, red, and green peppers, oatmeal orange juice, and coffee. Andy carefully culled two eggs, some potatoes, tomatoes, onions, peppers, and some oatmeal from the offerings on the table. He also accepted some coffee and orange juice. He left the sausage and black and white puddings alone since they were not vegetarian-friendly. He did take some bacon since it was a weakness of his since before his vegetarian days. He hadn't had it in awhile but he decided to treat himself this morning.

While they ate, Siobhan's phone rang and she left the table while she answered it. Andy absentmindedly listened to her side of the conversation and to Sharon's voice which was in his head, softly talking about taking the little girls, Tess, Claire, and Aiden, Tess's brother to the folk park, while he ate. The eavesdropping wasn't intentional, it was just part of the background noise as he tried to focus on Sharon's voice in his head. He heard Siobhan in one ear saying… "Oh, Delia, we were so looking forward to you being here with us today! Oh, well then that's even better the rest of the weekend you say? Well, wonderful! We will see you tonight or Saturday morning then. Alright, love you, bye." As she started to go back to the table to finish her breakfast Siobhan got another call, she rolled her eyes but she answered it. It was a potential guest, needing available dates so Siobhan went to her office to check availability.

Meanwhile Andy could hear Sharon's voice in his other ear . She was talking in the way you talk to someone in a coma, who you're not sure hears you but you want them to know you're there.

"Ahh Andy, we've had so many wonderful experiences on this trip! I'm so glad that if this had to happen… if it absolutely had to happen… (painful swallow) it happened at the end instead of the beginning of our honeymoon. What I really wish is that it hadn't happened at all! Andy, I'm so scared ! I don't want to lose you! After all we've been through! And to lose you after such a short time of being married!? I know life isn't often fair but this… this is … too much!" her voice broke and she sniffed back tears. "I love you so much, Andy and I want you to open those brown eyes of yours and tell me you love me too. I want to be able to talk with you , not just at you , about our favorite memories are of our trip. I have so many it's hard to pick. And I wonder what your favorite moments are . I wonder if they're the same as mine . "Andy felt fingers in his hair over his left ear and he touched that spot . For a second, a brief second he felt her fingers there as well. But the sensation was gone as quick as it came .

Her voice was still thick with tears but she swallowed them back and went on. "I wonder if you remember the day we went to Bunratty Castle. Of all the castles we've been to, that was my favorite. I'm sure you remember, it was the day before we lost our minds and decided to go horseback riding! I still do not know what made us think that was a good idea?" She laughed and sobbed at the same time.

"Not that I regret the parts of that experience that were good . For instance, the picnic on the beach was… amazing! There we were on a private beach, completely hidden from view from anyone, even from above. Making love out in the open… I never thought I'd see the day when I would… do… that ...on the beach but it came about so… organically. One minute we were laying on a blanket on the beach looking over at the water as it lapped against the shore and the next moment we were kissing and pushing each other's clothes aside and going at it like teenagers at a beach party!"

As Sharon described the scene , he could see it in his minds eye , a mental picture of he and Sharon lying on a blanket on the beach watching the water laughing and talking. The horses were not far away, munching on tufts of grass. Then , he and Sharon were kissing and almost frantically pushing clothes aside desperate to connect on a basic physical level. Sharon was on top, straddling him . Her skirts covered them but it was clear what they were doing .One of Andy 's hands were under her tank top massaging her breasts , and the other was under her skirt massaging her sensitive nub . Andy's body reacted to the memory, in a way that made him glad he had a napkin on his lap. He felt his blood pressure go up a notch and his face suffused with color. He looked around the room but no one was paying attention to him, so he realized no one but him could hear what was being said. He began to relax .

"Looking back," Sharon went on " I suppose it was our success taking Tess and Claire and Aiden to the folk park the day before, with all three of them under the age of five and a half that made us think we weren't too old to be riding a horse. How incredibly naive we were ! " She said with sad irony and a hitch in her voice . She worked hard to gain control of her emotions .

"In any case, the folk park was a great deal of fun .You bought the flower garlands for the girls to wear , and the crown that was slightly too big for Aidens head . You gave Tess the faerie wand and the toy lute for Claire and the toy sword for Aiden.I'll never forget seeing you pretend to sword fight with Aiden. He was so cute with the crown tilted toward the left and over his eye as he concentrated on what he was doing. His tongue stuck out and curled over his cheek .You were so good with them, Pretending to be a dragon a knight and a faerie king. They had such a good time with us and we had such a good time with them. It made me wish we had raised children together. Ooh, Andy, we… I… **I**... wasted so much time! If I hadn't made us go so slowly, we could have had more time together!"

"We didn't know. We thought we had a lifetime together," Andy whispered.

"Andy? Stephen is here. Are you alright?" Siobhan asked him, concerned. At first, Andy was so focused on the voice in his head he didn't hear the voices around him anymore. Siobhan touched his shoulder and looked into his eyes. "Andy?"

Andy suddenly blinked and shook himself a little. "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I zoned out there. I… I got caught up in… my um... my…. thoughts."

Siobhan looked worried. "You did look pretty far away. What I was trying to let you know is that Stephen and Claire are here."

Andy looked toward the door and saw Stephen holding the hand of a tiny three-year-old girl. She was a blonde like her father. She had her thumb in her mouth and was looking at him with wide green hazel eyes. She actually looked younger than three but Andy remembered Stephen had said she'd just had her third birthday. Her hair was pulled into a messy top knot on top of her head and she reminded him of Michelle from the show Full House. Nicole had loved that show when she was little. Claire had freckles across her nose and she was adorable. She wore a princess costume of ice blue. He thought it might be from Frozen. He remembered when he and Sharon had watched Frozen with his grandsons before she got sick, so he was familiar with it. Tess who was wearing a pink faerie costume, complete with wings had been in the bathroom when they came in and when she came back to the kitchen and saw her friend she let out a high pitched squeal and ran to hug her. Claire squealed too as they hugged and jumped up and down. The adults smiled and grimaced at the high pitched squeals.

"They are very close and they haven't seen each other for awhile," Siobhan said to explain their high pitched exuberance. Andy nodded his understanding while at the same time rubbing his forehead.

Siobhan watched him a moment then turned to Stephen apologetically. "I'm so sorry, Stephen I just found out, Delia won't be getting here until this evening or possibly tomorrow. She had to fill in for someone whose car broke down. Claire can still stay but I've been swamped with calls this morning so I can't promise they'll be as closely supervised as they would be if Delia was here."

Stephen looked concerned and conflicted. He didn't want to disappoint the girls but he was leery of leaving Claire under those circumstances. The girls, usually led by Claire were known for their alarming ability to get into precocious mischief if left on their own for more than a minute.

Andy watched the little girls faces, they were tense and worried. They were holding onto each other, their heads turned up watching and listening to the adults. Seeing Stephen's concern and conflict, and the girl's worry, Andy spoke up, "How about… taking them with us?"

Both Siobhan and Stephen looked at him startled. "Um, Andy, are you sure you want to drag two little girls on your holiday?" Stephen asked.

"I'm sure," Andy said. They looked at him with raised eyebrows, not entirely sure whether to believe him. Andy rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and shoved his other hand in his pants pocket. "Look, I need something to get me out of my head. I mean, this trip… has ended up being full of sadness for me. Everything I do or see seems to remind me that Sharon is no longer here to enjoy it with me. I want… No… I **need** … to do something that keeps me busy and helps me be light-hearted and seeing things from a child's point of view, could help with that." He looked at them imploring them to say yes.

Siobhan and Stephen looked back at each other, a half smile on their faces. Stephen shrugged. "Sorry, Andy it's just that with the headaches you've been havin and well the grief, we didn't think you'd be up to it, but if you're sure?"

Andy sighed. "I'm sure."

"Well, if you're sure. It's okay with me. I'm all for havin a chance to spend time with my wee one here.

The girls started jumping up and down with excitement. "Yay "

"May I go too, please," asked Aiden quietly, not in a whiney voice but in a hopeful one He knew better than to whine.

Andy smiled at Aiden and was about to answer when he heard Siobhan say, "Aiden, darlin you have school."

Andy's face fell along with Aiden's. He was fond of the little guy and wanted him to come along. Mark who had come into the kitchen from the barn looking for breakfast overheard everything and saw Andy's and his youngest sons disappointed faces. "Siobhan, darlin it's only half a day and the last day of school before Easter vacation. I don't imagine anythin important will be taught. Let him go. Besides he asked so nicely, without whinin… and… he said please," Mark said as he winked at Aiden.

Siobhan let her head fall back and she closed her eyes. Then she sighed, "well it looks like I'm outnumbered. Girl's, it looks like Aiden will be goin with you. Is that alright with you?"

Claire and Tess each took Aiden's hands in theirs. "He can be the pwince and fight the dwagon foah us." Tess said and turned her blue eyes on Andy and Stephen then pointed. "Yoah the dwagon and yoah the knight."

The adults laughed and Siobhan said to Andy and Stephen, "It's a good thing she's so cute, cause she's a bossy little thing but… well, you asked for it."

They nodded and laughed too. "That we did!" Then they began to try to work out the logistics of traveling with three kids under the age of five and a half. Luckily Stephen had borrowed his sister's family car that day. The car he usually used was quite a bit smaller, the price of petrol being what it was. His sister's car was actually a van and was quite big with room for everyone and all that was going with them.

Once the car was packed with kids, strollers, and supplies Stephen and Andy left for Bunratty castle.

Stephen played music he knew the children liked and they all sang along, even Andy. Although his voice wasn't really meant for singing. When they got to the castle, Andy took his cues from Stephen. Once they got the children in their strollers. The girls in a twin stroller and Aiden in a single, they went through the folk park and the Faerie Village first, allowing the children to play and exhaust themselves. Before they went there, they went to the gift shop and Andy bought them each a few souvenirs. Be-ribboned flower garlands for the girls to wear and a crown for Aiden. Then the children each picked a toy. Tess picked out a faerie wand and Claire picked out a toy lute, and Aiden picked out a wooden sword. When they got to the Faerie Village they played faeries, dragons, and Kings, a game that Andy helped them make up to amuse them. He spent the morning growling and roaring like a dragon and chasing the children as well as sword fighting with Aiden.

At one point the crown which was slightly too big fell over Aiden's eye and ear while they were sword fighting. Andy heard a snort laugh and looked over to the bench where there sat a woman that reminded him of Sharon. She was smiling, laughing, and talking to the girls who were sitting at her feet next to the bench playing. His chest felt tight and his eyes filled with tears, he blinked them back. When he looked again the lady was gone. He wondered what it meant that he was not only hearing his wife, he was seeing her too and the events Sharon had described only that morning were happening now. His head was beginning to hurt again. He reached up and rubbed his temple.

Stephen saw Andy looking longingly at the bench where the girls were playing. He saw him blinking back tears, rub his head looking tired and confused. He didn't have to wonder what he had seen. He knew Andy was taking his wife's death very hard. He watched the children and could see they were getting tired too. He looked at his watch and realized it was lunchtime. He opened the cooler and they had a little picnic, eating the lunch that had been packed for them and then cleaned up their mess. Once they were done eating, Andy helped him put the kids in their strollers and started out for the castle. The kids were asleep before they even set foot inside. Andy looked with fascination at the most complete and authentically furnished castle in Ireland. He read on a sign as he entered. The castles original name in Irish: was Caisleán Bhun Raithe, meaning "Castle at the Mouth of the Ratty." A large 15th-century tower house in County Clare, Ireland. It is located in the centre of Bunratty Village (Irish: Bun Raithe*) He went up the four flights of narrow stairs and explored the castle while Stephen waited with the sleeping children on the first floor which was actually the basement. It was the only part they could go with the strollers.

After Andy had seen the entire castle, they packed the sleeping children into the van and went back to Cliffview. Once there, they found that Delia had come after all. She was sitting in the kitchen at the big trestle table drinking tea with Siobhan and Mark. Mark and Siobhan jumped up and took their sleeping children from Andy then took them to their rooms.

Andy tried to pay Stephen for the day but he refused. "I can't take money from you today, Andy. You paid already when you gave Claire the lute and the flowered headband thing. Those things aren't cheap, in fact, they are verra dear. Besides, you made her smile and gave her a great day! That's all the pay I need."

"What I did for the kids that has nothing to do with your pay. Please take it, Stephen, it's your livelihood." Andy held out his hand with the money in it.

Delia patted Stephens' arm. "Don't be proud baby, take it."

Stephen swallowed his pride and took the money. "Thank you. I'll be goin. Claire's asleep in the van. The windows are down but don't want to leave her too long. Did you need me anymore?"

Before Andy could reply, Delia answered, "tomorrow, Baby. We're having a cookout. Bring Claire, I owe her a tea party with Tess."

"Very well Delia, Andy, see you tomorrow," Stephen said. He kissed the back of Delia's hand and shook Andy's, then left to take Claire home.

Andy's eyebrows went up. The Irish have cookouts? He supposed it made sense they would, he mused to himself but not wanting to appear ignorant, he refrained from asking. However, Delia answered his question. "Yes, baby the Irish do have barbecues. We Americans don't have the market cornered on that tradition."

Andy shrugged. "Sounds like fun," he said sounding tired.

Delia patted the space beside her. "Come sit with me and tell me how you are doin baby. Would you like some tea?"

"If it has ice in it, I'm a bit thirsty," Andy said tiredly. Playing with the kids had wiped him out but he was glad to see Delia. She had been a source of comfort to him, in Dublin.

"American to the core, aren't you, Baby? The Irish don't really drink ice tea. They take their tea drinkin seriously and with milk. I can give you some ice water."

"Sounds great."

Delia got a bottle of water from the fridge got some ice from the freezer and poured them into a tall glass and handed it to him, then she sat back down, looked him in the eye and patted his hand. "Now baby, talk to me."

Andy swallowed. "I think it's time you told **me,** Delia. What's going on?"

 **TBC...**

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*Taken directly from Wikipedia

 **Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	12. Chapter 12

**You Will Find Me There**

 **Chapter 12**

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _These are not my characters they are fully James Duffs. I just love them so much and love to play with them._

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"What do you mean, Baby?" Delia asked.

"I mean that you and Siobhan seem to… to know something I don't. You both keep telling me things aren't always what they seem but you won't tell me what that means. Clearly, I'm missing something. So please enlighten me!" Andy said passionately.

Delia patted his hand. "Baby, I can't… tell you outright… I can only lead you in the right direction to discover the answers yourself."

Andy blinked at her. He sat heavily in the chair opposite her and asked, "How?"

Delia leaned slightly forward and gave him a tender smile as she said softly, "by asking questions, Baby."

Andy stood up again a little frustrated and antsy. He pushed his hand through his short spiky hair and let out a breath. "Ask away."

Seeing his agitation she decided to suggest a walk. "Before we start, why don't we take a little walk around? Hmmm?"

He looked at her surprised but glad for the suggestion. They walked towards a narrow copse of trees near the horse corrals. As they approached it Andy's heart began to beat a little faster and his breathing became just a bit labored. He stopped to take a breath and turned towards Delia as she asked in a gentle yet prodding tone. "What do you think has been going on, Baby?"

Andy spread his hands in supplication and shrugged. "I don't know, Delia. I don't honestly know. I only know what I wish was going on."

She looked at him, "and what is that baby?"

Andy looked around him. Everything looked… surreal all of a sudden. The colors of the landscape were very bright and wavered like on a very hot day in LA, then everything became a little fuzzy. When he looked back at Delia she seemed to be outlined by the sun. He wondered why that didn't seem weird to him. "I seem to be going back and forth between two possible realities and I'm not sure which one is the real one, Delia." He said gesturing with his hands. "In this reality, I can walk and talk and breathe on my own. I meet people who are strangers but seem familiar somehow. We have conversations. I've explored castles and experienced Ireland on my own, well, except for Stephen. Don't get me wrong ,He's been great… but ...he's not Sharon," he said forlornly but then shook himself slightly and went on. "All along, as I've done this I've seen, in my mind's eye Sharon and I experiencing Ireland together doing the same things that I was doing alone. At first I thought these scenes I kept seeing were what I wished had happened but lately, these scenes seem more like memories. Sharon is gone in this reality and the grief I feel makes my chest feel like a crushing weight is on it. My head almost always feels like it's been split in two and sometimes it's just a dull ache… like… now. Then when I go to sleep to this reality, I wake up to beeping, hissing machines. My throat feels full and dry, I can't seem to open my eyes or move but I can hear Sharon's voice begging me to wake up and talk to her. I can smell her perfume, I can feel her tears on my hand. This morning, while I was awake in this reality mind you, while I was at breakfast, I heard her talking to me in my head rambling really, describing us making love on the beach. I felt her fingers stroking the short hairs above my ear. Sometimes I can even feel the weight of her body sleeping beside me. A very big part of me wants that reality to be the real one."

"Only a part?" Delia asked, not surprised by his revelation.

"Most of me really but there's a part of me that's afraid I'll stay like that forever and I'll be a burden to Sharon."

"Sharon would not think of you that way baby. Would you think of her that way, if she were in the same situation?"

"No… no of course not. I could never think of Sharon that way. She could never have been a burden to me, no matter what was wrong with her, health wise or in any other way for that matter," Andy exclaimed.

Delia looked at him with wide eyes and asked, "Then why would you think she'd look at you as a burden?"

"Look, it's different with me and Sharon. I've already had several health-related instances, where she has had to take care of me. The dust-up with the suspect's car started it all. First, there was the blood clot in my neck that we tried to shrink with medication, that was number one but then I fell and hit my head on the bathroom floor and ended up having to have the blood clot removed, ASAP to keep it from going to my brain. That was number two, then there was the heart attack, which really scared us both that was number three. It's beginning to get ridiculous and I'm scared that she'd think I'm too much of a time bomb, too much trouble."

Delia shook her head and patted his chest like Sharon use to do. "Yet after all that, she married you, Andy. Which is a good indication she loves you and doesn't think of you as a burden, no matter how many health crises you have. The question is how many health crises are too much for you, Baby?"

Andy looked at her for a moment confused by the question and the use of the present tense in relation to Sharon. A feeling of hope started to grow inside him. He again felt drawn to the copse of trees not far from the horse corral. He started to move towards it but the closer he got the faster his heart raced and the more labored his breathing became. In his head, he was hearing beeping noises and hearing Sharon's voice saying, "Andy… they're going to take the respirator out, when they do Honey, you have to breathe,"

He stopped and turned toward Delia again. "Delia... am I… in a coma? Is that what's going on here?"

Delia looked up at the sky as if listening to someone up there talking or as if she were trying to make a decision. Then she nodded to herself and looked back down at Andy. "Yes, Baby, you are in a coma."

Somehow Andy didn't feel surprised deep down he knew. "How did I end up in a coma? What happened?"

Delia opened her mouth to try to explain but then looked over at the copse of trees. "Come, let me show you." She took his arm and they walked over to the mouth of the tunnel-like copse of trees but didn't go any further. Instead, they watched as two people, Andy and Sharon, on horseback approached the other side of the tunnel. They watched as Andy turned his horse and spoke to Sharon and as he started to turn back his horse's flank knocked over a tree that had become the home of a swarm of angry bees that began swarming around them. Suddenly Andy's horse screamed and reared, throwing him off his back. Andy sailed through the air landing hard and hitting his head on a tree root. At the same time, Sharon was desperately trying to get down from her horse but her foot was caught in the stirrups then her horse reared and threw her. She tried to get up but couldn't, a look of terrible pain crossed her face instead she dragged her body over to Andy, fished for her phone which she found in her pocket. She made a call for help and then collapsed in unconsciousness beside him. Andy saw himself close his own eyes at that moment.

As the scene finished playing out before him, Andy felt as if the breath was literally being pulled out of his body as the hissing of the respirator stopped. Suddenly the beeping noises and the smell of the hospital became more real, a feeling of panic overcame him and he began to struggle.

He could hear voices but the one he paid attention to was hers. "Andy, calm down, my love and breathe, please breathe!" Meanwhile, the beeping of the heart monitor was starting to sound a frantic warning as his heart started to speed up and then slow down, then for a short moment the beeping started to sound flat as the lighted line on the screen became flat. "Andy, No! Don't you dare leave me! "He heard Sharon cry out.

Suddenly he felt her lips on his in a bone-melting devouring kiss that breathed air into his mouth and into his lungs. Her small hand put pressure on his chest as she breathed three or four times into him, allowing her lips to massage his and then suddenly the heart monitor showed that his heart had jumped back into sinus rhythm as he gasped for breath.

Sharon started to pull back but Andy gripped her arms and pulled her back for another kiss. When they came up for air Andy blinked at her. He saw the love of his life, Sharon's dear face hovering above his. Her hair hung limply on either side of her face. She was pale and he could see that her eyes were bloodshot from crying, perhaps. Her roots were starting to grow out on the top of her head but she was a sight for sore eyes. In fact, he thought she could easily be the most beautiful sight he'd seen in a long while. "Sh… Sharon, you… a… are alive! You're… really… a… alive!" His eyes filled with tears but these were happy tears.

Sharon had tears of her own running down her face. She was relieved that his eyes were open and he was finally talking to her. What he was saying didn't make a whole lot of sense to her, given that he was the one who had been in danger of dying just minutes ago, not her. She was so thankful that he had survived being separated from the life support system. They had very nearly lost him but he was alive. She placed her hand on his cheek, "Yes, my love, I'm alive and thank the good Lord, so are you!"

 **TBC...**

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Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.


	13. Chapter 13

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 13**

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Sharon, overcome by the joy of having Andy awake and aware again, leaned down and engulfed his mouth in another kiss. He kissed her back and ran his hands up and down her arms as if to assure himself of her presence, that she was really there and not a figment of his imagination. Sharon pulled back and stroked his cheek with her thumb, staring into his eyes lovingly. Andy who was equally joyful at their reunion feasted his eyes on her like a starving man stares at his first meal.

"Hello, Mr. Flynn," she said in a husky voice. "You know we really need to find someplace other than hospitals for our reunions."

He barked a laugh and answered, "Hello, Mrs. Flynn. I think you are right about that." He stroked her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

"Oh, Andy. It's so good to see your eyes open and I'm so happy you know me. We weren't sure what shape your brain would be in after hitting your head so hard on those roots!"

"I'll always know you, my love," he said, his voice filled with emotion. "It takes a lot more than a fall off a horse to knock me senseless. Ma always said I was the most hard-headed, of all her children."

Sharon made a scoffing noise and said, "Well, I'd believe that except that you've been in a coma for the last three weeks. **On life support no less!** "

"I guess I just needed a nap. You must have worn me out on our honeymoon," he said wagging his eyebrows suggestively at her.

Sharon sputtered with mock indignation. "I wore you out? Do you even remember our honeymoon?" She asked with a smirk. "I seem to remember it was you wearing me out. In the shower, out of the shower, on the beach, in the jacuzzi. If It had been solely up to you, we would have done it in the passageways at the castles," Sharon whispered and blushed.

Andy tried hard to recall everything she spoke of, but could only remember the things he had seen when he thought it was just wishful thinking during his dream. He could remember the beach lovemaking, only because she had described it that morning, (had it been this morning or a morning long ago) he wasn't sure. He remembered hearing her voice talking within his head describing the details, wanting to get a rise out of him. The nightmare of thinking Sharon was dead was the most insistent and consistent memory however. He rubbed his forehead. "Actually, it sounds like we had a lot of great moments and… I wish I could say I remembered them all but I… I don't." He'd been about to tell Sharon about his dream but looking into her beautiful green eyes, he saw them tear up and realized she wasn't ready to hear about his nightmare. So he decided to amend his statement a bit, "I remember a few… I... think. I remember we… were walking on the beach and we stopped and kissed then turned and watched the sunset. I remember being at that castle that had the Blarney Stone and at the folk park, with Siobhan's two youngest, Aiden and Tess, and Stephen's little girl…Claire."

Sharon relaxed a little. Hearing that he did recall something of their honeymoon. "I remember hearing you talking about our time on the beach. I guess it was before we fell off the horses? I definitely wish I could remember that… time in detail," he said regretfully, but with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows.  
Sharon blushed again.

Andy and Sharon had been so caught up in each other and their banter they failed to realize that the doctors and nurses that had taken Andy off life support were still there in the room with them. They had stepped back to give them privacy for their reunion, but when Sharon mentioned his coma and being on life support, they started moving back to the foreground so they could do their assessment. The doctors were about to call attention to themselves again, when Sharon started talking about hers and Andy's honeymoon details, entirely focused on Andy and completely forgetting they weren't alone. They started to back away again looking uncomfortable.

Marjorie who was part of the group decided to take charge of the situation. She moved to Sharon's side to help her get out of the way. "Sharon, darlin, the doctors need to assess Andy's condition now that he's awake, they'll be awhile doin that. You've been standing bent over for a long time, you've got to be exhausted and in pain let me get you seated and I'll take you over to your bed so you can rest." With that, not taking no for an answer Marjorie reached down unlocked the braces at Sharon's knees and eased her into the recliner.

Sharon became panicked, not wanting to lose sight of Andy. "Noooo, Marjorie! I want to stay with him! Don't take me away, please! He just woke up and I've been waiting to see him awake, for what seems like forever!"

Marjorie patiently but firmly continued to move Sharon away from Andy's bed as she explained. "Sharon, you can see him from your bed. You'll be in the way if you stay where you were. The doctors need to examine Andy and make sure he's going to be okay and you young lady need rest. You have been ignoring your own needs again and you are past exhaustion. You won't be any good to Andy if you don't get some rest.

A voice from over by the window said, "she's right Mom, you need to rest." Her eldest son Ricky and her younger son Rusty said together. They moved closer to her .

Sharon looked over at her sons with her eyebrows rising into her hairline. They had startled her. She'd completely forgotten they were there. "But, I'm not tired and I want… no, I **need** … to be with Andy!" Sharon said. Her voice rising insistently but at the same time, trembling with emotion and fatigue, belying the statement that she wasn't tired. She was actually completely exhausted but was terrified that if she even closed her eyes for a moment, she would find it was all a dream and Andy would be dead or still in a coma.

Sensing the cause of his mother's anxiety, Ricky knelt in front of Sharon. He took her hands in his and looked her in the eye. "Mom, Andy isn't going anywhere. This isn't a dream. He's really awake and you made it happen. You were amazing, Mom! You brought him back by the sheer strength of your will and your love for him but the doctors need to assess him in a timely manner and if you stand beside him you'd be interfering with that. Listen, Mom, you've been completely focused on Andy, to your own detriment, since Rusty and I got here! You haven't eaten or had anything to drink for hours. You blew off rehab and you've been standing over him for a lot longer than you are usually able to stand when you have actually been to rehab. You're not taking care of yourself Mom! We **need** you and Andy needs you, so please let us take care of you for once. Just for a little while until you're able to take over the reins yourself again," Ricky said sternly.

Sharon made a face. "Enough with the horse analogies please, Ricky. It's riding horses that got us in this mess, to begin with!"

Ricky swallowed his desire to laugh, he knew his mother hadn't meant to be funny and was not in the mood for levity at the moment. "Sorry, Mom, that aside though you need to let us help take care of you and Andy. Will you cooperate with us, please?" Sharon looked down at her lap and nodded almost imperceptibly.

During this exchange, Andy had become aware that all was not right with Sharon. When the doctors tried to ask him questions he held his hand up to Indicate he needed a moment. "Sharon, Babe? You were hurt? How bad is it?" he asked with concern.

Sharon closed her eyes, she had been dreading this moment. The moment when she had to tell Andy of her injuries. She decided to hold it off for awhile longer. "Well, as you can see I'm definitely a bit the worse for wear ,Andy but let the doctor's do their assessment and then we'll talk. I promise."

"But Sharon!"

"Andy, please, let them do what they have to do then we'll talk." He looked at her for a long moment and then nodded. The curtain was pulled around Andy's bed for privacy and the doctors proceeded with their assessment.

Marjorie made a noise of approval and rolled Sharon toward the bathroom. After her needs were taken care of there, she lifted Sharon into bed with help from Ricky. As her back hit the mattress, she let out an involuntary moan. A mixture of relief and pain. Marjorie looked at her watch and realized Sharon was way overdue for her pain relief meds.

They all, including Marjorie had been so focused on the drama of Andy returning to consciousness, that she had been remiss in sticking to the medication schedule. She pulled the curtains around Sharon's bed for privacy. Then she gently turned her on her side and gave her two inter-muscular pain shots, one in each hip. Sharon held tightly to the railings and swallowed her cry of pain. The shots causing almost as much agony as the injuries themselves. Marjorie hooked her back up to the IV that would administer hydration and nutrition. Sleep was the most pressing need for the moment.

Once all her physical needs were met and Sharon was made comfortable, Marjorie removed her braces and covered her. Then she pulled up the railings up on each Side of the bed and patted her arm. "Now, you go to sleep, Darlin. Yer man will be busy for quite awhile with tests and such. You did good, Sharon, now rest." Sharon's eyes fluttered closed, the meds and the exhaustion having taken their toll.

Several hours later Andy woke up with a start. The first thing he noticed was that he was in a different room, then he noticed that Sharon's bed was there but it was made up. Panic set in and his heart rate accelerated. "Sharon! Where are you? Where's my wife? Sharoooon!?"

Suddenly a familiar calming voice could be heard, along with a comforting pat on his shoulder. Delia stood up so Andy could see her. "Calm down, Baby. She's in rehab. She finally agreed to go once she woke up, had some breakfast, was assured you were sleeping naturally and were not back in a coma. She asked me to stay with you and watch over you until she got back. She should be back soon but she'll probably need lunch and a rest before you're able to spend time together," explained Delia who was again sitting in a chair by his bed.

"Are we in a different room?" Andy asked as he looked around the unfamiliar room.

Delia nodded, "Yes, Baby, they brought you down here to this new room last night after your tests."

Andy wondered, "Wait, waking up from the coma and having those tests done was yesterday? All that happened yesterday?"

"Yes, Baby, you were exhausted from the tests they put you through. You've been asleep since after dinner last night. They moved Sharon while you were gone, she slept through the move. As a matter of fact, Sharon slept through the afternoon, evening, and night. When you got here, Rusty and Ricky were awake and waiting but Sharon was so exhausted she slept through your arrival. Rusty helped you eat your food and then you slept too."

"What happened to her Delia?"

"The same thing that happened to you, Baby. You were both thrown from your horses. I can't tell you about her injuries though that's something she'll have to tell you herself."

"Is it permanent?" He asked concerned.

"Andy, Baby, I told you I can't talk about it," Delia said sternly.

He was a little upset as he said, "but I'm her medical power of attorney."

"It doesn't matter. She asked me not to discuss it. Sharon wants to be the one to talk to you about it."  
Andy was frustrated. He remembered what Delia had said before he had woke up from the coma. "How many health crises are too much for you?" She had asked.

Did everybody believe he would cut out on Sharon because she had an injury she had sustained because of something he had caused? "That must mean it's **bad**. Poor Sharon. It's all my fault. If I hadn't suggested we go horseback riding…"

"Baby, don't go there, it was nobody's fault. It was a freak accident that could have happened to anybody. Nobody could have predicted it. Sharon doesn't blame you. In fact, she blames herself."

"She would," Andy said broodingly. "Look, is she worried I won't love her because she can't walk?"

Delia's eyebrows raised into her hairline. "Um, well… well, first of all, you didn't hear that from me! What makes you think she can't walk, Baby?" Delia asked, trying to find out how much he'd figured out.

He frowned then said, "Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Yesterday I saw Marjorie unlock Sharon's braces and lower her into the chair."

Delia, who hadn't been there at that time, yesterday nodded her understanding. "I see and how would you feel if it was… um… permanent?"

"I'd be infinitely sad for her, for us but if she thinks I'd abandon her or that I would stop loving her because of it, I can assure you, nothing could be further from the truth!"

"I'm very glad you feel that way, Baby. Although I'm not sure that Sharon feels that way."

"Delia, I haven't told anyone this yet, especially not Sharon but I had a dream or it was actually more like a nightmare while I was in the coma. I dreamt that Sharon died; she had something wrong with her heart. The doctors called it Cardiomyopathy. In the dream, I came to Ireland to "see Ireland" for her after she died since we had planned to come here for our honeymoon. It was an elaborate dream, very clear and linear. I've never dreamt in that fashion before Delia. My dreams are usually disjointed and don't make sense. This dream was sooo real. You were in it and Siobhan from Cliff View. Sharon's cousin Christine was in it too. Everybody from our Major Crimes team. The two of you said on two or three occasions, "all was not as it seemed" but at first I was in so much pain, emotionally I couldn't make sense of what you were trying to tell me. When I went to sleep in that reality I would wake up here. I'd hear her voice smell her perfume, feel her touch but I couldn't open my eyes or speak. This reality seemed to be as much of a nightmare as the other only in a different way but I preferred it to the unrelenting grief I was feeling. It wasn't until just before Sharon brought me back by kissing me that I put it together, and even then I needed your help."

Andy paused In deep thought for a minute then continued. "Looking back, one of the things that should have clued me in that it was a dream was that the team asked Sharon if it was okay to bring the suspect into her office to wait while her son was being interviewed. They knew it wasn't her son that did it, that it was her and on the night Sharon was supposed to be leaving on extended medical leave no less! That would not have happened if it were real. They did it even knowing her condition! Hobbs was pushing for more proof! Then Sharon started screaming at the suspect and collapsed. She seized three times and they got her back twice. The third time they couldn't bring her back!" Andy's face was awash with tears as he relived the nightmare. "I can't believe I didn't realize it was a nightmare then. Sharon's always eaten healthy and exercised but she had the flu, which supposedly led to the Cardiomyopathy. I should have realized it was a nightmare and forced myself to wake up! I've wasted so much time, while I was in that coma."

She tried to calm him down by saying, "Baby, don't beat yourself up, you were meant to let the dream play out. There were lessons to be learned from it."

"What lessons, Delia? Are you saying, I had that dream to prepare me to deal with this thing with Sharon? To prepare us for this?"

"I'm sure of it. Knowing what it feels like to have lost her, will help you to help Sharon understand what she means to you and to her family. Her living through the nightmare of you being in a coma will bring that understanding home to her in a way that might not have happened had the two of you not experienced those things."

"Knowing Sharon, she'll think she's going to be too much trouble and try to convince me I'm better off without her in spite of the fact that we recently exchanged vows that said, 'in sickness and in health. Till death do us part.'"

Delia smiled. "You know her well."

"I do and I love her with everything I am and everything I have. I just have to convince her of that." Andy said as he scratched his chin and then rubbed the back of his neck.

"It may not be as difficult as you think it will. She loves you with everything she has. I'm sure you'll convince her eventually." Delia said patting his arm.

"I hope so…," Andy said with feeling. He was about to say more when a pretty red headed nurse named Vanessa came into the room.

She wore navy blue and white scrubs that had ships anchors on them , and she was carrying his breakfast tray. "Here you go, Mr. Flynn. Here is your breakfast. Once you are finished you will be taken down to rehab," she said and smiled at him.

He smiled absentmindedly back at her and looked over her shoulder for Sharon. Vanessa was a beautiful woman with long curly red hair pulled up in a loose French twist and startlingly vivid dark brown eyes. At one time he would have been interested but as beautiful as she was she wasn't his Sharon. She was happily married to her childhood sweetheart and no more interested in him than he was with her. She had seen the reunion between him and his wife and almost cried seeing the love between them. Knowing whom he was looking for, she assured him. "She'll be here soon Mr. Flynn. She's finishing up in Occupational Therapy but… unfortunately, she'll be hungry and tired by the time she gets here and you'll be in rehab," Vanessa said with an apologetic shrug to her slender shoulders.

Frustrated by the conflicting schedules that seem to be trying to keep he and Sharon apart, Andy huffed and looked over at Sharon's bed and the construction of it. An idea began to form in his head and he caught Vanessa's attention as she was about to leave the room. "Listen, Vanessa, could you do me a favor?"

 **TBC...**

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Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.


	14. Chapter 14

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 14**

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _These are not my characters they are fully James Duffs. I just love them so much and love to play with them._

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Sharon wheeled herself down the hall toward hers and Andy's room in St. Vincent's hospital in Dublin Ireland. She was tired, exhausted really. She'd had a long and difficult time in rehab that day and she just wanted to shake it off, eat her lunch, and sleep. Rusty and Ricky walked behind her with worried looks on their faces. They knew she was in a great deal of pain but she wouldn't let them help her. In fact, she'd given them the sharp side of her tongue for even trying. She'd apologized immediately but she still insisted she didn't need their help.

When they arrived in the room, they immediately noticed that it was in semi-darkness with only the lights over the bed illuminated. It was a stormy day and that added to the eeriness. Sharon gasped, she only saw one bed and their day nurse, Vanessa looked to be crying as she made the bed. "Vanessa!" Sharon said in a voice that sounded as if she was being strangled. "Is A… A… Andy… alright? Did… did… something… happen? Where is my bed.. or… or… his bed? Where is he?"

Vanessa looked up, startled out of her reverie. She moved around the bed to be closer to Sharon so she could reassure her. "What? Oh… no! I… am… so sorry to give you the impression that something was wrong. I'm just being sentimental, that's all. Um, Andy…uh … Mr. Flynn is fine, he's still in rehab. In fact, he should be back soon, maybe another hour? Yer bed and his are attached together see? He asked me to have them put together so... you could be… uh closer," Vanessa said with an enthusiastic smile and tone of voice in spite of her tears from just moments ago.

Sharon wasn't sure whether or not to trust what she was saying. "If he's okay then why?" Sharon swallowed the rest of her sentence not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.

"Why was I cryin?" Vanessa asked, blushing from embarrassment for being caught out." I um… I just got the news that my youngest daughter had her baby son. Michael Grady O'Connor. We, that is my husband Mick and I were supposed to be there with her when she had him but he… the baby came two weeks early. He weighed in at 5lbs 4ozs and 17 inches long." She wiped away a tear. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you think anything had happened to yer man I was just so overcome."

Sharon put her hand to her chest and let out the breath, she hadn't realized she was holding, in relief and smiled tremulously. "It's alright, Vanessa. So, that's big news, isn't it? Is it your first grandchild?"

"Oh no, we've got two from our first daughter, Kristine and three from our second daughter, Mandy, which was a big surprise. She told us when she was younger she was going to get a surrogate to have her babies. She didn't want to mess up her perfect body," Vanessa rolled her eyes at this, "but she changed her mind after she married Kyle, although she did end up only having to be pregnant once since she had triplets," she finished smiling ruefully. "However, Evie was our biggest surprise. She has always been a tomboy. My husband Mick was completely flummoxed when his little tomboy suddenly grew up and became the girl she always had been and fell in love. I guess he didn't think she'd get married much less have children. I'm sure he'd hoped she'd always be his little buddy, followin him around like a puppy. She was his favorite, you know? They did all kinds of sports together, hunted, fished, talked politics. We had all girls so Evie became the boy he had always wanted. Now he has three grandsons. Each of our girls gave Mick at least one grandson. Kris gave him a boy and a girl, Boyd and Everleigh. Mandy gave us triplets, Elle Kimberly, Miranda Coco, Kyle Michael, and now Evie's first baby is a boy. Now our last baby has had a baby…"

She smiled and wiped away another tear looking flustered like she didn't know where all the tears were coming from. Vanessa shook her head trying to tamp down her emotions, so she could focus on her patient. She studied Sharon closely. She noted how tired and anxious she looked in spite of assurances that Andy was fine. Vanessa wondered if their misunderstanding was the sole cause of Sharon's anxiety or if there was another reason. "I'm so sorry for goin on and on. You look like you could use a nice hot bath in the whirlpool," she said soothingly. Her nurse persona clicking back in place. "That will loosen those tight muscles and make you feel better. She raised an eyebrow in question and Sharon nodded.

Sharon enjoyed the whirlpool and afterward was able to dress herself, with less pain than usual. She put on a pretty wine colored nightgown of her own, along with a matching bed jacket over it. Rusty had bought her the set, nightgown and bed jacket for Christmas that year and with tongue in cheek, he'd bought a pair of pajamas in the same color for Andy. Once she was dressed and in bed, she was given her lunch. Exhausted, she tried to stay awake and wait for Andy but she lost the battle with Morpheus in the middle of eating a bowl of soup. Her hand still holding the spoon. Rusty took the utensil and placed it on her plate and then moved the table away from the bed. Ricky made the head of Sharon's side of the bed go down a bit and covered her. "I love you, Mom," they both whispered at the same time.

Sharon moved to make herself more comfortable, she smiled, her eyes still closed. "Love you both more," she mumbled sleepily.

They each kissed the top of her head and Ricky ran his fingers through her hair until he could hear her even breathing indicating she was asleep. The boys moved away from the bed towards the door to the room. Hearing Ricky's phone beep, Rusty looked up with a question on his face. "Was that Emily?" he whispered.

Ricky shook his head. "No, she's probably still in the air, flying over the ocean as we speak. It was Andy, asking where mom was. Apparently, he had hoped to be with her when she saw the beds put together."

Wondering Rusty asked, "What did you tell him?"

"I told him I'd explain when he got back to the room. He's on his way back now," Ricky explained, whispering back.

Rusty nodded and then Andy walked through the door. His therapist followed behind pushing a wheelchair just in case he needed it. His rehab instructor was an older gent close to Andy's own age named Sean. "So, Andy, how about we get you in the whirlpool and then get you back in bed? I'm sure you're tired, you worked hard today," Sean asked quietly. Andy saw that Sharon was asleep, he sighed with disappointment and nodded.

The boys hurriedly explained that Sharon had had a rough time in rehab and had been exhausted when she got back to the room. They also explained her misunderstanding the reason for only one bed and her misinterpretation of the reason for Vanessa's tears. Andy ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. He was frustrated by his and Sharon's constantly missing each other. His face held a concerned look when they told him Sharon's reaction to Vanessa's tears, knowing how it felt to think his wife was dead. He then shrugged and told the boys. "Well, I'm tired and achy myself. I'm going to take a whirlpool bath, eat, and take a nap too. Do not let anyone take her anywhere until she and I have had a chance to talk! Please," he said sternly.

"Um, sure Andy, but you do know we'll be picking up that… uh… that… package… we talked about in a couple of hours, right?" the boys said and Ricky showed him a picture of Emily on his phone.

"Oh right, yeah okay. Ummm, let the nurse at the desk know not to take her anywhere until Sharon and

I can talk. I swear we've been like two ships passing in the night since I woke up from that coma," he said sadly.

"Sure, Andy," Ricky said.

Andy turned and went over to his bag that Siobhan had packed for him. He picked out some clean clothes, the pair of wine-colored pajamas that Rusty had gotten him for Christmas, underwear, and his toiletries then went into the bathroom. Sean followed him, got him settled in the whirlpool and then waited outside the bathroom till Andy was done. He didn't linger in the bathroom, he was tired. His time in physical therapy hadn't been difficult like Sharon's but he'd worked hard for someone who had just woke from a coma the day before. When he was dressed and clean shaven, he made his way over to the bed and Sean helped him get in on his side. Once he was settled, he was given his lunch. He ate it unenthusiastically. It was supposed to be a heart-healthy diet of overcooked fish and some kind of tasteless rice mixture. He managed to get half of it eaten before he got sleepy. So, he turned on his side facing Sharon and fell asleep holding her hand.

A couple of hours later Andy woke up feeling himself being stared at. He opened his eyes and was instantly lost In Sharon's eyes, which resembled pools of emerald. He reached out and stroked her cheek. "Hey, Babe, I'm so glad to see you! I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get together. Our rehab schedules kept getting in the way."

Sharon started to speak and had to clear her throat then tried again, "mmmhmm." She blinked at him and her eyes filled with tears.

Growing concerned Andy asked, "Babe, what's wrong? Why are you so sad?"

Sharon wiped away her tears and took a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry. I'm… not sad," she said but her tears belied that statement. "I'm… I'm… happy you're alive and that you've woken from the coma and that you're finally able to talk to me. It almost feels like a dream. You were in that coma for so long and I thought you'd never wake up! I'm so glad you did! Andy, what did you mean when you said, 'Sharon you're alive, you're really alive?' You looked so shocked and over the moon happy! It seemed... odd… to me since you were the one waking up from a coma. Yours was the life that was in danger!"

Andy swallowed and tried to gather his thoughts on how to explain his nightmare to her. He decided the best way was to plunge right in and say it. "Well, Babe, while I was in the coma, I um… I had a nightmare that you… you… died."

"You dreamt I died? Oh, Andy, no wonder…"

"No wonder… what?" He was a little confused.

Sharon went on to explain, "While you were in the coma I would see tears just rolling down the side of your face and at first I thought you were in physical pain but I noticed the tears would come whenever I was close. If I spoke to you or touched you."

Andy nodded. "I was in pain alright but not physical pain, although I did have a rather hellacious headache at times. I was in deep emotional pain. The dream was soooo real Sharon and so detailed. I never dream like that, it's always mixed up images of things that don't make a lot of sense but this dream was clear and detailed. The dream started after your death. I was in our bedroom with Rusty telling him I'd decided I needed to get away and that I'd decided to come here to Ireland to see it for you. As we talked, It was like I could see it happening, like I was remembering it. It immediately became clear that it all stemmed from around the time you collapsed in the murder room. You… did collapse didn't you? That was real, right? You were chewing out the FBI because they were keeping those boys from us and you fainted."

Looking sheepish, Sharon nodded. "Um yes. I fainted and I was taken to the hospital."

"Yes well, in my dream they did a bunch of tests and we were told that you fainted because of something called Cardiomyopathy."

"Actually, the tests they did **rule out** Cardiomyopathy," Sharon said to reassure him.

"So… you don't have it?" Andy asked earnestly.

Sharon shook her head. "No, I fainted because I was dehydrated and was relapsing with the flu. I guess you don't remember the doctor keeping me in the hospital so they could keep me hydrated with IVs, the week before we got married? You were with me the entire time, you didn't leave my side," she said tenderly, concerned that he didn't seem to remember.

Andy recalled her being in the hospital alright, several times from heart-related incidents but those memories, he realized were part of his nightmare, not reality. He shook his head and sighed with relief. He started to go on with his story but first, he tried to make sure he understood what had really happened and what he had dreamed. "So… we did get married? That wasn't just in my dream?" He asked looking for his wedding ring. Then he realized that they probably had taken it off and given it to a family member.

Seeing him looking for his ring, Sharon said, "they're in a safe at the hotel where Rusty and Ricky are staying and yes, Andy, we are married. After all, this…" she swept her hand to encompass the hospital room and their bed, "this is now our honeymoon suite," she said sardonically. "Don't you remember our wedding, Andy?" she asked sadly.

Andy closed his eyes. "I remember barely getting to the church in time. Our case ran longer than it should have so we had to hustle. I remember standing at the altar and watching your bridesmaids, Emily, Andrea, Amy, and Patrice as your Matron Of Honor walking down the aisle and then Rusty and Mark as ring bearers. I remember an entire church full of guests. Then the door opened and the sun was shining through the window on the most beautiful bride in the world, you. You looked like an angel, Sharon in your white dress. Ricky walked you down the aisle and helped you onto the altar next to me, and we said our vows."

Sharon smiled with relief that he did seem to remember. "I'm glad you remember, Andy. It would have been sad if you didn't."

"Of course, I want to remember our wedding. I was just trying to figure out which was a dream and what was reality. Speaking of reality… Sharon, you don't have anything wrong with your heart?" he asked seriously but hopeful. "There have been no heart-related incidents? No pacemaker, defibrillators have been placed in you?"

She was taken back on what Andy had been through in his nightmare. Reassuringly she answered, "No. Nothing like that. There… are… developments we have to talk about, things related to our horseback riding accident… but… first… before we get into that finish your story."

He told her about the circumstances surrounding her death in his nightmare. Andy also mentioned some of the instances that should have clued him in that it was a dream or nightmare, for one thing. "Nicole was over the moon happy that we were getting married and yet she the boys and Dean were not there."

She patted his hand that was still holding her's as she told him, "They weren't there in our real wedding either Andy. She was put on bed rest the day before our wedding because she was having twins and they were trying to keep them from being born too early. She went into early labor trying to help me with the details of the wedding and the boys were just getting over the flu. Dean had his hands full, taking care of all of them."

Andy relaxed a little as a piece of the puzzle fell into place. He'd remembered that Nicole was on bed rest but not the part about the boys having the flu. Sharon's input had filled out the picture for him. He was relieved that was the reason for her absence and not some other reason related to their past. He now knew that if it had been at all possible Nicole, Dean, and the boys would have been there. He went on to describe the many instances where Sharon either got dizzy or was taken to the hospital in the middle of a crime scene and how she had not been able to remember the birth order of her children in the video she made and the team allowing a suspect into her office and how she had collapsed interrogating her.

"Well, that would never have happened!" Sharon said indignantly. "I would never compromise a crime scene like that or interrogate someone when I wasn't well and I certainly wouldn't forget the birth order of my children! Emily was first and Ricky came three years later."

Andy couldn't help but smile at her indignation. "That's the point I'm trying to make, Sharon. All that was so out of character for you. It **was** a nightmare and I was so devastated by the fact that you died in the nightmare. I was unable to recognize the discrepancies and realize it was a nightmare." He then described the scene with Rusty, in their bedroom more fully and his decision to come to Ireland, he talked about the boys Ian and Braden, telling him about her visit to them and the kiss marks on the babies foreheads.

Sharon smiled through her tears. "They do have strawberry birthmarks on their foreheads but Andy, I was there when they were born," she said. "We both were. We got the call as we were leaving the PAB after that case was closed and by the way, that case was closed but not quite so dramatically as in your dream, thank God! After hearing it's always the husband or wife from Provenza for the last six years, it became glaringly obvious that at least in this case it was true that it was the wife that killed him, especially, once that motivational speaker ended up shot to death in his car. So, once we got it wrapped up we hurried over to the hospital and Nicole delivered just as we arrived. Sharon Rose was born first at 9:10 pm and Charlotte Sandra was born one minute later and we were there, Andy! You cut the umbilical cord for baby Sharon and handed her over to me per Nicole's request and Dean cut Charlotte's and handed her over to Sandra. Don't you remember?"

Andy blinked at her and tried hard to remember but memories that weren't part of his nightmare were still fuzzy and it sometimes gave him a headache to try too hard to remember. He winced.

Sharon was sad for Andy. Not remembering witnessing his first granddaughter's birth was worrisome at least to her. She wondered if the memory would ever come back? She supposed that the head injury that caused him to be in a coma and have this nightmare that he was telling her about, was the reason

behind the memory loss but it was such a profound and precious memory to lose.

Andy could see Sharon's sadness and knew immediately why she was sad. "Don't fret, Sharon it'll come back to me, probably once I finish telling you about my nightmare, then the horrors of that will fade and perhaps the real memories will surface again. If not I'd gladly give them up if it means I get to be with you. Although you being hurt and in terrible pain is something I would change if I could. I love you so much, Sharon and I'm so… so glad we're together. I wouldn't give up being with you, for anything. These are the memories I care most about."

Sharon smiled at her husband. "Andy, I love you too, more than I can describe with mere words. I know how you feel because you being in a coma…" She had to stop to regain her composure and tried again, "You being in a coma was as if you were dead!" She was happy to have him back and talking with her and wanted to continue to hear his soothing voice. "Now finish telling me… all about your d... dream… or n… nightmare."

 **TBC...**

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 **Thank you for the** **reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	15. Chapter 15

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 15**

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Andy smiled, he knew what she was doing and was happy to oblige his wife. He couldn't deny her anything, especially after all they had been through. "You remember Delia right and Siobhan?"

"Of course, I remember them. They've been wonderful, Delia was there when I woke up after the surgeries they did on my hips. Siobhan has visited on occasion too, she brought our luggage. Delia was the one that told me you were in a coma. She comforted me and made sure the boys were notified and helped them get flights over here."

"Well, in my nightmare they were angels, like in that show Touched by an Angel? Or at least they seemed like they were."

Sharon nodded and smiled fondly as she remembered one of her favorite shows. "I can see them being angels," she said.

Andy smiled back at her before saying. "Throughout my nightmare one or the other of them kept, assuring me that all was not as it seemed. They seemed to know something I didn't. Delia was there when I had dinner with your Cousin Christine and her family, so was Connor. They kind of reminded me of Provenza and Patrice except they were a bit older and they were not married. Anyway, I met Christine at one of the castles in Dublin, she was a docent there. Her resemblance to you when I first met you, was so incredible I ended up hurrying away before I started to fall apart. She followed me and told me ,in your voice only what you'd sound like with an Irish accent, that you were her cousin. Then she and I talked about losing our spouses… and she invited me to go with her to pick up her daughter Breanna, who was in the preschool not far from the castle. She then invited me to dinner with her and her family, Connor, and Delia. And then later it was Delia who told me I was in a coma and that what was happening was a nightmare I was having while I was in the coma . . She showed me how it all happened through the copse of trees near the corral at the bed and breakfast we were staying at . Cliffview . " "

Sharon's forehead wrinkled in consternation. "Andy… um… Christine's husband Brian is alive and well, and she's eight months pregnant with their third child, which **is a** little girl, they've decided to call Briana. Christine also has two boys Liam and Noah, who are nine and ten."

"Hmm. Did we met them yet? " Andy was trying to remember, but honestly couldn't. Not the real meeting anyway. He remembered the dream meeting but not the real one.

She squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. "We had dinner with them the first full day we were here in Dublin and right before we left to go to Cork. The first time we went to their house and their housekeeper cooked. The second time, their housekeeper was unavailable so we took them to a restaurant in Louth. Christine is so far along with her pregnancy I thought it would be easier for her if she didn't have to cook. They are a very nice couple and we enjoyed our time with them. It was so exciting to meet her after all those years of being out of touch."

Andy looked at her with concern. "Sharon, in my… nightmare, Christine said her husband died when their daughter was six-months-old. He leaned down to strap her in her stroller, had a massive heart attack and died. I know this sounds weird but maybe you should encourage her to get him to see a doctor. Have it checked out? It couldn't hurt and the worst case scenario could be that it was a false alarm, the best case, maybe we could help them by catching a problem before it gets worse."

"It's a sweet thought, Andy and I'll try to find a way to broach the subject when they visit again."

"They've visited?" He asked surprised.

Sharon nodded. "Whenever she has an OB appointment. The last time was two days before you woke up from your coma."

Andy nodded thoughtfully. "Um… does he look like me? I mean what I looked like say... Twenty years ago? Only with glasses? In my dream. Christine showed me a pic of them on the day their son Liam was born. He was holding the baby standing next to Christine's bed. Then she showed me a pic similar to that on the day Noah was born and another on the day when Briana was born. It was like looking at a picture of myself. Only with dark hair and glasses. The last one looked more like me because his hair was becoming grayer. I had a similar pic of myself and Sandra only I got rid of the half that had Sandra in it. Anyway, it looked like the pic I carried around in my wallet of my son Drew when he was born and I have one of when my daughter Nicole was born. Seeing that picture, was when I started with the really bad headaches. My head always had like a dull ache in the early part of my dream. I thought it was from all the crying and the devastation I was experiencing but the headaches became intense and severe after I saw those pictures."

Sharon thought about for a moment then suggested, "Perhaps that coincided with when you started to surface closer to consciousness. There was a time when I noticed you became restless more frequently. Before that you were still, not moving a muscle. The only thing that made us realize you were not just a shell was the tears and your chest moving but really the life support was causing that to happen. I guess it was the tears, that gave me hope that you were still in there. As far as the two of you looking alike, I'm not sure. I suppose there are similarities. He does have dark hair and a swarthy complexion. His eyes are a lighter brown than yours, though and he wears tortoiseshell glasses. He's muscular but not as much as you are."

Andy said, "Hmmm," but then continued talking about the staggering, unrelenting grief of losing her. His tears ran freely as he spoke of the devastation he had felt, which was still very real to him in spite of the fact that the reason for his grief was not. He also talked of the joy had felt when he realized that **she was not dead!** He told her, that she may be physically challenged at the moment or possibly the rest of her life, but that didn't matter to him as long as she was alive!

After telling his story Andy felt a profound sense of relief. He could already feel the dream or nightmare starting to fade or at least the heaviness and grief starting to leave him. After a few kisses and tear swapping, Sharon had been deeply affected by his grief in the telling of the nightmare and had cried along with him. Andy remembered that she too had a story to tell. "Now tell me, Sharon, what happened to you? What… what… I mean to say is I know **what** happened, but I guess the question I'm trying to ask is how badly are you hurt?"

Sharon blinked at him, still caught up in his nightmare. Tears still running down her face. She wiped them away again. "Um, you said that in your nightmare, you saw us fall off the horses through the tunnel made by the copse of trees. Did you see that when you were thrown? I tried to get down from my horse to help you but I got my foot stuck in the stirrup and before I could get it out, my horse reared and threw me." Andy nodded.

"The fall dislocated my hip from the socket, on my right side and I landed on the left hip and fractured it."

Andy made a pained face. "That sounds awfully painful. When I looked down that tunnel, it was like watching a movie. It didn't seem real at first but I can tell now that it was. I saw you fall and land like a rag doll, I could tell you were in a great deal of pain when you crawled over to me and collapsed beside me. You're still in a great deal of pain aren't you?"

Sharon felt a tear slide down her cheek as she relived the horrible accident. "It is… um... pretty… bad but that's not all." She didn't want to tell him in detail what had happened but she knew Andy and it would hurt him more if she didn't tell him the whole truth of that fateful day. So she began, "Andy when I was thrown from the horse my back was twisted and has caused pressure on the lower discs in my spine, like a pinched nerve and it's causing numbness from right below my hips to my toes. I… I can't… feel my legs," her voice was tremulous.

Andy was devastated for her but he wasn't surprised. He'd had the feeling this would prove to be true when he saw her in the braces. "Babe, I'm so sorry," he said tenderly, wanting to comfort her.

"You knew?" Sharon asked warily.

"I didn't know for sure but I suspected and I am a detective," he smirked trying to lighten the moment. "After I woke up from the coma, I remember seeing you wearing full-length braces on your legs and you were standing in them, bent over me. I wasn't aware at first how much pain you were in, I was so overjoyed to see you alive! Then I saw Marjorie unlock them and lower you into a chair and I caught the relief, in your face once you were seated. She was chastising you for standing too long and Ricky mentioned you'd been blowing off rehab and that you'd been standing longer than you were usually able to. Is this injury going to be permanent, Sharon?" he asked gently.

Sharon swallowed hard and started to blink again. She pressed her lips together and said, "it… could... be. Although there **is** a surgery that they can do but If I had it done here in Ireland, I'd have to stay here for an extended period of time. There's an 80/20 chance it will work if it's done here. Whereas the chances are better in the states, there's more like a 95 % success rate and it's less invasive. Unfortunately, the spot with the top surgeon at UCLA that I would have had is… is gone because I waited too long to make a decision and now there is a waiting list. Traveling to the states in my condition would have been problematic. Then there's the fact that the longer I wait to have the surgery the less the chances are it will work regardless of where I have it."

Andy was a bit confused and asked, "Why would getting to the states have been be problematic?"

"Well, when they told me about the surgery at first, you were still in a coma, Andy. I wasn't going to leave you behind and moving you would have risked what little life you were holding onto by a thread. Add to that, traveling from here to the states would have been even more ex… um… painful for me than what I was already experiencing."

Afraid he already knew the answer, Andy asked anyway, "So then, why didn't you have it done here? 80/20 sounds like pretty good odds to me."

"Because Andy you were still in a coma! I wouldn't have been able to sit with you and talk to you. I wouldn't have been there to… help you breathe again once they took you off life support. I couldn't… I wouldn't risk that!" Andy was overcome with emotion a tear ran down his face again. Sharon reached out and ran her thumb under his eye to wipe them away."Andy, why… are you crying?"

Andy kissed the palm of her hand. "Isn't it obvious Sharon? he asked his voice rough with emotion. "You have sacrificed so much for me. No one has ever done that for me before and I feel so bad that you are suffering and it's all my fault!"

"It isn't your fault Andy. It was a freak accident. It wasn't just you wanting to ride the horses, I wanted to ride too. Not even you could have convinced me to get on that horse if I didn't want to and you know it! We were fine until you hit the beehive or should I say your horse's ass hit the beehive," she said with a smirk.

"See it was my fault!" Andy stated remorsefully completely missing the smirk.

"It was nobody's fault, Andy. Besides, I don't think about it in terms of whose fault our situation was. I was so focused on getting you out of that coma, nothing else mattered to me," she said holding his face in her hands. "And... oh , it was sooo worth it because you're here now, you're awake, and we're talking, we're together now!. You're not in a coma anymore. So, for me it was most... definitely… worth it."

He admitted solemnly, "I'm not sure my life was worth all the pain you're going through, Sharon but I am grateful."

"Oh, Andy it is, really it is." She paused a moment and then looked sad.

Andy put a finger under her chin and made her look at him. "What's wrong, Babe?"

"I…" she swallowed, "just wish you hadn't had to wake up to me in this condition. I'm so afraid I'm going to end up being a burden to you and my children! I have tried so hard not to be a burden to anyone. Sometimes, I feel like it would have been better for everyone if I'd died when I fell off that horse!"

"Sharon! Don't ever say that! Please." Andy, voice was stern, "don't even think it! Babe, you'll never be a burden to me or your children! No matter what shape you're in! We love you and… and weren't you listening to me? I've spent the last few weeks trapped in a nightmare where you were dead! To me, nothing is worse than that! It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, repeatedly and torn apart and stomped on! No matter what condition you are in, at least we're together. We can hold and comfort each other. You being dead left a hole in my heart so big, I could barely function. I saw you everywhere I looked, in your Cousin Christine, at Blarney Castle, at some of the other castles. When I arrived at Cliffview, I saw us walking on the beach and later on horseback. I thought it was all wishful daydreams. I didn't realize they were memories. Then I started hearing your voice, I smelled your perfume, felt your touch… and this was when I was supposedly awake. Yet as far as I knew you were dead. I thought I was going to lose my mind with grief!"

Sharon tried to move closer to him to comfort him and winced. She tried not to, she didn't want him to see how much pain she was really in but it was too intense to hide. She pushed the call button and the nurse's voice could be heard. "Yes, Mrs. Flynn? Do you need your pain meds?"

"Y… e… sss, please," she hissed.

Vanessa hurried in and put Sharon's side of the bed down. She then exposed Sharon's hips to prepare them for the shots. She rubbed the area behind Sharon's hips with isopropyl alcohol and then poised to plunge the needle into Sharon's backside. However, she could see Sharon stiffen and said, "Now don't tense up , it will only make it hurt worse than it has to." As she said this she massaged Sharon's tense muscles to prepare them for the shots. "Sorry, these meds are late again. I started to come in a little while ago but you two seemed like you were deep in conversation and I didn't want to disturb you. Then another patient needed me. There you go," she said as she plunged first one shot then another into Sharon's backside, one in each hip. This should help."

Sharon gripped Andy's arm and held tight, trying to swallow the whimpers that she couldn't help.

Andy asked Vanessa. "If she's in this much pain, shouldn't she have a morphine pump she can control herself?"

"We tried that, it didn't go so well. We discovered an allergy she didn't know she had," Vanessa said regretfully.

His heart breaking for Sharon, he stroked her back and searched his memory for something he could use to distract her, then he remembered something the boys told him earlier about her having a rough time in physical therapy and used it to keep her mind off what the nurse was doing. "The boys said you had a difficult time in PT today, what happened?"

 **TBC...**

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 **Thank you for the** **reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	16. Chapter 16

_**You'll Find Me There**_

 **Chapter 16**

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _These are not my characters they are fully James Duffs. I just love them so much and love to play with them._

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Sharon hung her head and looked ashamed. She didn't really want to admit to what she had done but figured he won't give up until she explained. After a few moments and as the pain eased she said, "Rhea, my Physical Therapist was trying to… um… encourage me to do some exercises that were really painful. I was very frustrated at my inability to move past the pain and I guess I made a sound that sounded like a muffled complaint. She made the comment that if I'd had the surgery in the beginning and hadn't blown off PT I wouldn't be having that problem and I'd be further along in my physical therapy. I guess she said it in a way that pushed some buttons, I didn't know I had. I'm afraid I... I snapped at her."

Vanessa pulled off her glove and chuckled. "You… snapped at her? I heard you ripped her a new… uh , Well, you know!" she said blushing. "Boy, that must have been epic! I would have paid money to see that! You seem like such a mild-mannered lady. I guess it's true what they say about quiet waters runnin deep. I'm glad you did it though, Rhea needs to be knocked down several pegs. She can be really hard on her patients. She does not think anything is an excuse for not sticking with the program. I've had to console more than a few patients that got their feelin's bruised by her," Vanessa said smiling.

Andy leaned closer to the nurse as if to tell a secret. "You may think of Sharon as mild-mannered or sweet-tempered or undemanding but at home, she was called Darth Raydor and the Wicked Witch for a reason. She can be quite the badass, boss lady!"

Sharon smiled ruefully and smacked him playfully on the chest. "Andy! You're not helping. You're going to make her think I'm a monster!"

"You're not a monster, Babe, You can be tough and no-nonsense but you've also got a heart of gold. Wait a minute, what exactly did you say?" he asked Sharon who was hiding her face in his chest.

Sharon blinked up at him. She swallowed and began telling him what she had told her physical therapist. "I said, 'when the frak was I supposed to have had this surgery, considering that you were in a coma at the time? How the frak was I supposed to have had surgery in the states when your life was hanging in the balance here in Ireland? And what if I had gone and had the frakking surgery here or in the states and they had taken you off life support while I was thousands of miles away or down the hall in recovery and unable to help you. I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't been there!.'"

He was slightly shocked but not much. He had seen that side of her a few times when protecting her family or back in her IA days when he had had been summoned to visit her office. Andy did wonder how the other woman reacted. So he asked, "What did Rhea, say?"

Sharon shrugged but stayed silent. After seeing Andy waiting quietly she gave in. "She looked somewhat surprised, like you're being in a coma was news to her but she mostly seemed unimpressed by my reasons, so I went on to say, 'that if she was doing her frakking job correctly, she would have read my medical file and would know that my husband was in a coma and that I wanted you to come out of the coma before I had any surgery. That was also the reason I blew off rehab as well.'"

"You were in a terrible position, Sharon. She should have understood that and not given you a hard time about your choices. She doesn't sound very professional to me," Andy said feeling angry at the physical therapist for Sharon's sake.

Trying to give Rhea the benefit of the doubt, Sharon said, "I think that... as Vanessa said, she's just dedicated to her job and doesn't see anything as an excuse to blow off rehab or to not get surgery when it is needed. I'm sure she thought, that she was just doing her job but it did seem a bit hard-hearted or mulish."

Andy frowned knowing Sharon was giving excuses for the PT's attitude. "Did she at least apologize?"

Sharon nodded still feeling sheepish. "Well, sort of. As did I."

"Sort of? Sharon, she either did or she didn't." Andy could tell she was being evasive.

Knowing she needed to tell him exactly what was said she told him. "She said, 'she was sorry she had upset me but that I needed to decide soon what I was going to do because the window of how successful the surgery would be was closing.' Then she looked imperiously down her nose at me and said, 'Well. what's your answer?' I told her that I was still considering what to do because there were a lot of factors involved. It wouldn't be just me that having this surgery would impact. What if it didn't take? What if the paralysis spread to further up my back? Where should I have it, in the states so I can recover at home or here? So many questions to consider? She got this look on her face like a thundercloud and said, 'that if I was going to drag my feet making this decision, I needed to know the truth about what dragging my feet was going to cost me.' She said, 'that if I didn't get the surgery soon I was going to be a cripple, a burden to my family so if that's what I wanted then so be it and that I had better learn to push myself in the wheelchair so I could at least do that for myself. Because my family was going to have to do everything else for me, including helping me to… sh… shit and pppp… iss." Sharon sobbed the last few words that were the embodiment of her worst nightmares.

Andy held her close and whispered to her that he loved her more than life itself and it didn't matter to him what needed to be done as long as she was alive. It can only get better if she was alive, he repeated. She finally was able to pull herself together and once she did, she finished what she was trying to tell him. "She pushed the chair over to me dramatically and with a huff, told me 'that I better get used to it because the way I was going, I'd be in it for the rest of my life.' Then she made me get in and out of it and wheel myself around in it for a good long time. I finally stopped on my own and left I was exhausted and feeling upset with myself and with her. I'm so sorry, Andy… I'm not usually this whiny, you know that but… but I guess being in constant pain is really starting to get to me," Sharon said tremulously.

"Sharon… Babe." Andy stopped and waited until she looked up at him. "You've had a lot on your plate and you're in a lot of pain. No one should blame you if you have a meltdown now and then. That woman sounds more like a drill Sergeant than a medical professional. She had no business saying any of that to you."

She shook her head, "but Andy, I cussed at her… I used the f-word," she said embarrassed.

He couldn't help but smile at her knowing she didn't like to use profanity unless it slipped out or she was extremely frustrated. He usually expressed it for her, saving Sharon from saying it. "Frak? That's not the f-word Babe "

She rolled her eyes saying, "I know it's not **the** f-word, Andy, but it's an f-word, and it might as well be because it's not the word but the intent behind it."

"Geez, Shar, the last time I heard the word frak was on Battlestar Galactica, years ago. How do you even know about that?" He had to ask since he didn't think she watched Syfy shows or anything that wasn't the news or a documentary. Except for football, of course, or at least the Packers games.

Sharon thought back fondly to a time long ago making her smile. "The kids used to watch it. They said the actress that played Laura looked and sounded like me , but I couldn't see it."

Andy thought about it, looked at her with his head tilting from side to side and said, "Yeah, I can see the resemblance. In fact, she's a badass too, just like you."

Sharon snorted. "I don't feel much like a badass, Andy. Not lately anyway."

Andy kissed her forehead, "You will always be a badass in my eyes, Babe." He shook his head, amazed by her revelations. I can't believe you watched Battlestar Galactica. It just doesn't seem like your kind of show."

"At first, I watched it just to help me reconnect with my children. They were home for summer from school. They spent most of the time out with their friends but they seemed to want to share that show with me, so they got me hooked on it and when Laura died we all cried, even Ricky. It was such a beautiful touching scene. As heartbreaking as it was, her death made sense." Sharon teared up just thinking about those final moments. Even though it was a TV show it mattered and still affected her. She sniffled then continued with her explanation, "For quite awhile after that they were saying frak this and frak that. I told them it may not be the real f-word but it was a substitute and it was the intent behind the word that counted. The kids said they didn't care, they were adults now and I couldn't forbid them to say it and that it was sometimes a very satisfying word to say. I have to admit, that I agree with them. It was very satisfying when I was in the throes of my tantrum in rehab."

Andy laughed, "I can't see you throwing a tantrum but if you did I'm sad that I missed it." His smile faded seeing her glare at him. He knew she wasn't necessarily mad at him, she was upset with herself, that she let her emotions run too high. He wanted to get her to talk it through to be able to let him in and help her. It wasn't just the physical needs she needed support with and he would always be here for her. Andy started his aid by finishing what must have happened after the physical therapy session. "Then, you came here, saw one bed instead of two, saw Vanessa having a moment, and thought something had happened to me. You thought that after all, you'd been through to help me stay alive and survive the coma, I had died anyway and without you present. I'm so sorry, Babe but the good news is, I'm here, I'm fine and I have no plans to go anywhere but home with you. I just wish that I could have spared you that terrible moment. I really wanted the beds having been put together, to be a good surprise. I wanted to meet you in PT and come here with you so what happened to you today, i.e. thinking something happened to me wouldn't happen and so I could see your face when you saw the beds together but like it has been since a little after I woke from the coma, we were like ships passing in the night, on different schedules."

Sharon cuddled up against Andy and rested her head on his shoulder, her fingers making lazy circles on his chest. He knew her so well and she knew that he was helping her release her pent-up mental stress. It made her love him all the more. "It's okay, Andy, it was a great surprise once I got over the initial shock and understood what was going on. It's wonderfully comforting, being able to cuddle like this. It's just that I'm not sure you're going to get much sleep with the nurse coming in throughout the night to give me pain meds and to deal with… the… other… more humiliating aspects of my injuries," Sharon said and hid her face in his chest.

He wrapped his arm around her and held her to him. "I know Babe, believe me, I'm well aware of the humiliation one suffers in the hospital. I assure you I won't mind being woke up a hundred times a night, as long as it means I can hold you in my arms while we do sleep and that I can be there for you during whatever you have to suffer through. We're in this together."

Sharon looked up at him, her eyes shone with adoration. She cuddled closer and he could feel when her body relaxed into sleep. Her green eyes fluttered closed and she buried her face into his neck. Andy let out a content sigh as he felt her steady heartbeat against him. As long they had each other they could get through anything, especially her, his wife was the most determined person he had ever known. He wanted to stay awake and experience the simplest joy of just being next to her but he too could feel the heaviness of his eyelids after a long exhausting day. Not being able to fight the pull of sleep on him he tugged the sheet and blanket up around her shoulders, turned out the lights with the remote and closed his own eyes.

 **TBC...**

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 **Thank you for the** **reviews, follows, and favorites they are truly appreciated. Reviews really do help keep the motivation flowing.**


	17. Chapter 17

**You'll Find Me There**

 **Chapter 17**

 **Well everybody ,here is the 17th chapter of You'll Find me there" . Thank you all for being patient , and encouraging me to finish this story. I'm sorry for your long wait ,but unfortunately my muse deserted me , and it took awhile to get her back . She's still elusive , but hopefully will see me through to the end of this story .**

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Sharon and Andy heard the voices in their room before they were fully awake. Sharon lay with her back to Andy's chest in a spooning position. They'd slept that way all night. Sharon opened her eyes and everything was blurry, she needed her glasses. She reached for them and was handed them.

"Here Mom, here are your glasses," said a familiar voice. Sharon put them on and the beautiful face of her daughter became clear.

"Emily! Oh, darling, I'm so glad to see you. Where have you been? What happened? Your brothers told me they couldn't get in touch with you."

"Nothing happened to me other than the fact that my purse was stolen and with it my phone and most of the cash I had with me. You remember that I was on tour in Australia and New Zealand, right?"

Sharon thought a moment and the memory of being told this on Andy's and her wedding day, came back to her. "I remember you mentioning it, yes."

"Well, some friends from the troupe and I had some downtime and so we were walking down the street in Cairns, Australia where we were performing. When a group of boys on skateboards came roaring past us and grabbed my purse and that of a few other girls in our group. I had my phone in there, my wallet, and some other stuff, it was gone just like that," she snapped her fingers. "We reported it, but they weren't caught while we were there. I was so surprised I didn't have time to react. In any case, I didn't get any of the messages the boys left until I got back to the states and replaced my phone. As soon as I got the messages I got on a red-eye and came here. Sorry, it took so long, but we still had several performances in New Zealand before we headed home after that happened."

"I'm very sorry that happened. I'm just glad you're okay. Money and phones can be replaced, but no one could replace you, my darling girl."

Emily smiled and leaned down to kiss her mothers' cheek "and speaking of not being able to be replaced. What happened to you two?" Emily asked. Knowing some of the story, but wanting to hear her mother and Andy's version.

As long as they were talking about Emily's experiences on her trip, Sharon could focus on her and ignore the pain but once the conversation turned to what had happened to herself and Andy, her awareness of her body's needs became acute. She groaned softly, in pain from sleeping in one position all night and needing to pee. Realizing this, Andy surreptitiously pushed the nurse's call button. "Darling, can we finish this conversation after I've had a chance to get up and dressed and receive my pain medicine? Please?" Sharon asked her daughter with a wince.

"Sure," Emily said stricken with the realization that her mother must be in great pain if she was mentioning her need for pain meds.

Marjorie came in with a tray of meds for Sharon. Seeing her out of the corner of her eye, Sharon said to her daughter, "Emily, honey, could you and your brothers go to the cafeteria, have breakfast and maybe bring Andy and I something? By the time you get back, we should be ready for you."

"Sure Mom." Marjorie pulled the curtain around the bed, shutting Emily out. She quickly gave her patient the pain relief she needed. Emily heard a muffled sob and had to be restrained by her brother Ricky from going inside the curtain to be with Sharon. They pulled her into the hallway, closing the door to Sharon's and Andy's room. "Why'd you do that? She was crying. I wanted to help get her through whatever was hurting her," she said straightening out her jacket. Annoyed.

"Em, she wouldn't want you to be in there with her. She tries really hard to keep us from knowing how much pain she's in or how badly the needles she has to get to relieve the pain hurt her. She wouldn't want you to see her in pain or upset."

"She lets Andy see," Emily said petulantly.

"It's different with them, they're married," Ricky said.

"We've known her longer," Emily said stubbornly.

"Just drop it okay," Ricky told her, annoyed. They had a staredown for a moment then as if in silent agreement they all turned towards the cafeteria.

As they walked down the hall, Ricky asked Rusty, "Rusty, what do you think we should get them?"

"Tea for mom, she likes the fruity flavored herbals and she likes the oatmeal the coffee shop has. It has nuts, raisins, brown sugar, and she likes coconut flavored almond milk with it. The hospital oatmeal is gray and gelatinous, not very appetizing. Andy would like the coffee shop oatmeal too. He prefers coffee, two sugars no cream." Rusty repeated the list he memorized from his time spent there helping.

"How is Andy? He was in a coma, right ,but he woke up?" Emily asked.

"Didn't you notice? He is out of the coma. He was laying right beside her."

" I noticed him but I was focused on mom."

"He's doing great. He woke up from the coma two days ago. No broken bones or anything, just a headache at times. He was lucky. The doctor said it was because being thrown was such a surprise he didn't have time to tense up. He cracked his head and had a nasty concussion, which caused the coma, but mom pulled him out of that. Mom was the one that got the worst injuries. Her back was hurt, one hip was fractured, the other one was pulled out of its socket. She's been having to wear braces on her legs to help her stand and she had to be operated on when it first happened. She actually needs another surgery that will relieve the pain and maybe help her walk again, but she has been putting it off till Andy got off life support and woke up from the coma. Now there's a question of whether or not it will it work since she waited so long."

Emily looked pensive. "Poor mom, I can't believe this has happened to her, just when she was so happy. Oh no! Do you think now that mom is injured Andy will bail on her like dad did when she had us?"

Rusty's head starting shaking no halfway through Emily's question. "Andy would never abandon her. He's not Jack. Besides, he told us that when he was in the coma, he dreamed mom died of a heart attack, and all throughout the dream he was grieving really hard. When he woke up and saw that she was alive, he was so overjoyed! He said that after experiencing her death, in a very visceral way, nothing would get in the way of them being together. He didn't care what physical challenges she had to deal with as long as they were both breathing he would be there for her."

Emily nodded and smiled. She was both relieved that her mother finally had someone in her life that would stick by her and sorry that her father hadn't been that person. But she knew Andy, not Jack Raydor was the love of her mother's life and that Andy was not only good to her mother, he was good for her.

Once they arrived in the cafeteria they got their breakfasts and found a place to sit. As they ate the boys caught Emily up on everything that had happened. As they were about to get up they were approached by a dark-haired gentleman. "Good mornin, Ricky and Rusty. Who is this beautiful young lass? Would this be your sister that you've been trying to get ahold of?" Marc who was born in England originally but was raised in America spoke with an American accent, that had a bit of the Irish in it. Constant exposure to the Irish brogue from his wife, kids, and neighbors had filtered its way into his speech.

"Good morning to you, Marc. Yes, this is Emily. She's been abroad with her dance troupe until recently. Em, this is Marc O'Brien. He and his wife Siobhan own the bed and breakfast Mom and Andy were staying at when they had their accident. He was instrumental in saving their lives," Rusty told Emily.

"Marc, have a seat and tell us, how we can help you?" asked Ricky.

"Ahh Ricky, it's not a matter of how you can help me. It's a matter of how can I help you, or should I say your mother." Ricky, Rusty, and Emily looked at him, confused. "I had heard that Sharon was reluctant to have the surgery she needs until Andy woke up from the coma and now that he's awake, she's being told that she's waited too long and that it might not work. Is that true?"

Ricky nodded. "Her physical therapist gave her a really hard time yesterday."

"Ahhh , yes Rhea . Yes ,Rhea can be a bit of a hardass. She means well, but she has a sharp tongue and she's hard on her patients. Sometimes that approach can work with certain kinds of patients, but yer mother isn't one of them. From what I heard she gave back as good as she got." He said with a smile.

"You've got that right," Ricky laughed. My mom was a real badass, yesterday."

"Good Rhea needs somebody to fight back. In any case, I just wanted to know if you thought yer mother would see me. I may have a solution to her problem."

"Why wouldn't she? She doesn't blame you for what happened. It was a freak accident," said Ricky matter of factly.

"I know, but I still feel responsible. After all, it happened near my property," Marc said, a look of regret on his face. "I've been keeping tabs on the both of them, through my wife Siobhan and our friend Delia, but I haven't been there to see them myself. I guess it's cowardice on my part."

Rusty jumped in, "Neither my mother nor Andy blames you, Marc, and as Ricky said, it was a freak accident. I'm sure they'll be glad to see you. What is it that you think will solve her problem?"

"Well, there is another procedure that can be done to relieve your mother's pain and give her a better chance at walking again. It's still experimental and because of that, insurance won't cover it. You don't have to worry about that though, I'm covering your parent's expenses, it's the least I can do."

"You said it's experimental, does that mean that it hasn't been tried on humans?" Rusty asked concerned.

Marc quickly replied, "Oh yes, It has been tried on humans and was very successful. It has a 99.9 percent success rate. There are no real risks. Other than reactions to anesthesia, which is always a risk but actually, even those risks are minimal since you are only asleep for a short time."

"Are you a doctor?" Emily asked him.

"No, I'm a bit of a jack of all trades actually. First, I'm a venture capitalist. I deal with medical innovations first and foremost as well as other promising inventions. I also have the bed and breakfast which is actually my wife Siobhan's baby, and we have the ranch part of the property where I breed horses both for riding and racing. I also have the hotel here in Dublin and several other cities around the world, not just in Dublin. I've dabbled in the movie industry, just a little bit. In my younger days, I even rode the rodeo circuit but to answer the question I think you're trying to ask, the reason I know about the procedure is that I had a similar back injury to your mother's. I fell off a horse during one of those rodeos, and my pain was terrible, like hers. We didn't think I would walk again. A young doctor that I backed financially when he was developing his device, came to me and asked me if he could do the procedure on me, as a test subject. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I said yes. It worked and I'm walking and I have no pain. That was eight years ago and the device and procedure have improved since then."

Ricky questioned, "but it's still considered experimental?"

"Yes. It takes a while to get these things approved in America and here, years of development and test trials before they are available to the general public."

"Is it safe?" Emily asked not sure what to think about it all yet.

"Yes, I wouldn't recommend it if it wasn't."

"Well, I guess we should go back to see my mom and Andy and tell them. Just let me pick up their food, tea, and coffee," Rusty said. He got up to go to pick up and pay for everything.

"Just tell them to put it on my bill, young man."

"That's not necessary," Rusty said.

"Yes, it is," Marc answered. "Like I said, it's the least I can do"

Rusty shrugged and went to get the food and drinks. Once he had them, he, Emily, Ricky, and Marc went back to the hospital room.

When they arrived back at the room, they knocked and entered when they heard Andy yell, "come in."

"As they went in the room they realized that Sharon and Andy had company. Both of the visitors turned their heads to greet them and Ricky, Rusty, Emily, and Marc gasped in surprise.

"Crikey," said Marc. "They're multiplyin!"

* * *

 **TBC…**

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